The worst thing that can happen to a man is to lose his money, the next worst his health, the next worst his reputation

All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.

Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both

A blind man knows he cannot see, and is glad to be led, though it be by a dog; but he that is blind in his understanding, which is the worst blindness of all, believes he sees as the best, and scorns a guide

Keeping accounts, Sir, is of no use when a man is spending his own money, and has nobody to whom he is to account. You won't eat less beef today, because you have written down what it cost yesterday.

They say the test of literary power is whether a man can write an inscription. I say, 'Can he name a kitten?'