The U.S. tax code was written by A students. Every April 15, we have to pay somebody who got an A in accounting to keep ourselves from being sent to jail.


P. J. O'Rourke

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Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and tho...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Majority rule is a precious, sacred thing worth dying for. But -- like other precious, sacred things...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Farm policy, although it's complex, can be explained. What it can't be is believed. No cheating spou...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Automobiles are free of egotism, passion, prejudice and stupid ideas about where to have dinner. The...
P. J. O'ROURKE
There's no telling what might have happened to our defense budget if Saddam Hussein hadn't invaded K...
P. J. O'ROURKE
One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficu...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning.
P. J. O'ROURKE
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Old age adds to the respect due to virtue, but it takes nothing from the contempt inspired by vice...
J. P. SENN
Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
P. J. O'ROURKE
A man always has two reasons for doing anything--a good reason and the real reason.
J. P. MORGAN
Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiv...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Supposedly, summer vacation happens because that's when the kids are home from school, although ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Sheep farming is heavily subsidized in Great Britain. Without the subsidies, the green grazing in th...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Arab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines.
P. J. O'ROURKE
What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it's so small ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Adam Smith is misread as being amoral precisely because people don't read his first book, becaus...
P. J. O'ROURKE
The whole melodrama of the Middle East would be improved if amnesia were as common here as it is in ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Chinese economic development has cost many American workers their jobs. That's the price of prog...
P. J. O'ROURKE
The 1960s was an era of big thoughts. And yet, amazingly, each of these thoughts could fit on a T-sh...
P. J. O'ROURKE
What is obnoxious about the motives of politicians - whatever those motives may be - is that politic...
P. J. O'ROURKE
I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.
P. J. O'ROURKE
The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke - albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously inv...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Banning paper and plastic and making shoppers carry their groceries home in their mouths like dogs i...
P. J. O'ROURKE
The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.
P. J. O'ROURKE
Global warming is a fact. Now it's up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial i...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Adam Smith pointed out that there were three things that make us more prosperous, in a general sort ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Upbeat is for people who want to feel good about their cause: the reformers, the progressives, the r...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Modern elites live in bubbles of liberal affluence like Ann Arbor, Brookline, the Upper West Side, P...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'ROURKE
Think what evil creeps liberals would be if their plans to enfeeble the individual, exhaust the econ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P. J. O'ROURKE
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'ROURKE
If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat ...
P. J. O'ROURKE
There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A poli...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but moth...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones.
P. J. O'ROURKE
The two most frightening words in Washington are 'bipartisan consensus.' Bipartisan consensu...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Computers seem a little too adaptively flexible, like the strange natives, odd societies, and head c...
P. J. O'ROURKE
I live in New Hampshire. We're in favor of global warming. Eleven hundred more feet of sea-level...
P. J. O'ROURKE
A man always has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real reason.
J. P. MORGAN
People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively.
P. J. O'ROURKE
The idea of a stag hunt evokes chivalry - knights in jerkins and hose, ladies on sidesaddles with wi...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Why do elites hate the poor? It's xenophobia. They don't know any poor people - except their...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
P. J. O'ROURKE
Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools inst...
P. J. O'ROURKE
Disney's House of the Future had the clean simplicity prized in the 1950s as relief from decades...
P. J. O'ROURKE
All business is capitalistic. You require capital for any sort of business endeavour.
P. J. O'ROURKE
The great apologist has to have lived large and wild. If he's going to kiss the world's boo-...
P. J. O'ROURKE