The secret to a happy marriage is to tell your spouse everything, but the essentials.

If it weren't for women, men would still be wearing last week's socks.

Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.

Texans are proof that the world was populated by aliens

Life! Can't live with it, can't live without it.

Canadians are cold so much of the time that many of them leave instructions to be cremated.