The problem is the victim mentality, the flip- and often-overlooked side of bullying. Most bullying programs unwittingly encourage this victim mentality.

There is nothing moral about punishing somebody for insulting somebody else. It's the victim who allows herself to feel insulted.

You can't teach tolerance with a zero-tolerance policy. It's no big deal to be tolerant of people who are nice to you. The challenge is to tolerate people who aren't so nice. On top of that, 'zero tolerance for aggression' is a logical absurdity, because it ultimately requires that we use aggression to stop it.

People have a knee-jerk reaction when they hear that. They say I'm blaming the victims. I'm not blaming the victims, but I am saying that they are the ones who have the problem. Bullies don't have the problem. They aren't the ones committing suicide and shooting up schools. Those are the victims, and those are the ones whose behavior we need to change.

This is the constitutional version of sticks and stones. It means that you cannot be punished for hurting people's feelings. ... If we truly teach our kids to believe in freedom of speech, we will teach them that if someone says something they don't like, the proper reaction is, 'It's your right to say whatever you want.'... it doesn't mean it's true, and it doesn't mean you have to get upset about it.

Where I had felt a victim, I had become a determiner by recognizing I had choices. When considering a purchase, I stopped saying, "I can't afford it," and started saying, "That's not where I want to spend that amount of money.