The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.


Dave Barry

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have...
DAVE BARRY
I love my Force Fins, which are the kind of fins Special Forces use and really are adapted from the ...
SYLVIA EARLE
Ciguatera is the most common, naturally occurring fish-related seafood poisoning.
VINCE SPERANZA
Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with ...
JAROD KINTZ
A lot like Dave Matthews or John Mayer, I kind of stick with the acoustic genre.
BRANDON JONES
The problem with seafood markets is they buy only once or twice a week, ... I buy fish and scallops ...
DAVID GALLANT
It's very versatile. It goes almost with anything -- fish, seafood, chicken, beef.
ALAN WONG
When we go to seafood restaurants I tell them 'Just water for me, thanks.' - Fish
ANONYMOUS
Fresh seafood reminds me of Hawaii and eating raw ahi fish on the beach with a little soy sauce - in...
MARIE HELVIN
A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."
I really hate this expression. I bet fish wo...
MEG CABOT
The only consolation to farmers is that the price of seafood will go up further. So when production ...
BRIAN BETHUNE
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh ...
LYNDA MONTGOMERY
I cannot have a man who is afraid of everything, I don't have the time to soothe insecurities and fe...
C. JOYBELL C.
Once I reel it in, I'm like 'I caught the first fish, I caught the biggest fish.' That's kind of how...
A.J. DAVIS
If a customer doesn't like sushi, I like to recommend the seafood salad. Even though it's still raw ...
KEUN CHOI
You can be the dead fish. I'll be the old stick
ROBIN HOBB
I never trust a fighting man who doesnt smoke or drink.
ADMIRAL FREDERICK
I never trust a fighting man who doesnt smoke or drink.
ADMIRAL WILLIAM FREDERICK HALSEY JR. (BULL)
I only eat fish - no chicken, no turkey, just fish. I get all my protein from fish and egg whites.
JACK LALANNE
The biggest predator of fish like cod is other fish - and seals keep fish like that in check.
PAUL WATSON
We appeal to seafood lovers year round; this isn't a part-time job for us. That's why you'll find an...
DON GATES
I fish for the big fish. This is a big fish, ... [Centex] is as big as you get in the marketplace.
JEFF STONE
The big fish run the show. I'm a middle fish, but there are small fish that are poisonous.
ROBERTO CAVALLI
My longtime friend Steven Steinbock, who has worked with me for more than thirty years, is a master ...
TOM DOUGLAS
We were exploring whether or not fish have the equivalent of mammalian menopause. We found that 60 p...
DAVID REZNICK
Mobile is a seaport town, and we ate a lot of seafood. We'd go fishing, we'd catch our fish ...
BILLY WILLIAMS
Beauty without grace is like a fish far displaced from the water and looking at this kind of beauty ...
C. JOYBELL C.
The key is to place the benefits and risks into perspective. Lots of varieties of fish are safe. It'...
FLORENCE SHEEHAN
The bow fisherman would have to be trusted to determine whether the fish he is shooting is legal or ...
TIM MCKEE
Dave Barry Turns 50
DAVE BARRY
Indeed if fish had fish-lore and Wise-fish, it is probable that the business of anglers would be ver...
J.R.R. TOLKIEN
I supply some of the top restaurants on the coast, and I enjoy having the opportunity to buy seafood...
MIKE FITZPATRICK
The fish in the creek said nothing. Fish never do. Few people know what fish think about injustice, ...
URSULA K. LE GUIN
Some fish get caught for biting and some fish just get caught for being in the wrong part of the pon...
CLARE VANDERPOOL
but that would have been neither fish or fowl.
SAUL LEVINE
This island is made mainly of coal and surrounded by fish. Only an organizing genius could produce...
ANEURIN BEVAN
This island is made mainly of coal and surrounded by fish. Only an organizing genius could produce a...
ANEURIN BEVAN
A child fish asks mother fish, 'Mother, why cannot we live on the Earth?' Mother fish replied, 'Dear...
SANTOSH KALWAR
I'm obsessed with vinyasa flow yoga and Pilates. And since I live in Sweden, and we have good se...
FRIDA GUSTAVSSON
The best way to observe a fish is to become a fish
JACQUES COUSTEAU
A river can only boast when it is full of fish.
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO
The fast fish, not the big fish, eats the small fish.
ALI BABACAN
The industrial way we fish for seafood is harming the marine habitats that all ocean life depends up...
TED DANSON
The man stands between life and death. The man thinks... The fish is mute. expressionless. The fish ...
EMIR KUSTURICA
Hi," I return, gesturing to the fish. "Nice catch."
"Yeah. I'm kind of impressed with myself. I...
SOPHIE JORDAN
Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.
MALCOLM MUGGERIDGE
The speeding reader guts a book the way the skillful clean fish. The gills are gone, the tail, the s...
WILLIAM H. GASS
This island is almost made of coal and surrounded by fish. Only an organizing genius could produce a...
ANEURIN BEVAN
There is no such thing as a phenomenal, because a gold fish lives in a pond, where Wi-Fi or internet...
YAMIN RASHEED
Social entrepreneurs are not content just to give a fish or teach how to fish. They will not rest un...
BILL DRAYTON
A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a king, and eat of the fish that hath fed of that worm...
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a king, and eat of the fish that hath fed of that wor...
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
Only dead fish swim with the stream
MALCOLM MUGGERIDGE
I was taken by a morsell, saies the fish. [I was taken by a morsel, says the fish.]
GEORGE HERBERT
Cooking a piece of fish and cooking it right. Knowing the fish, knowing the properties of the fish. ...
GEOFFREY ZAKARIAN
The catfish is kind of like the bluegill. And they're the easiest fish to catch that has any size to...
DENNY HALGREN
There are two types of people I have seen : those who fish and those who only disturb the water.
VIKRANT PARSAI
Terry backed up and did a swan dive into the water and was swimming after the fish and the rod. It's...
CURT GOWDY
We want to fish or we want to be paid not to fish.
DON STEVENS
Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.
P. J. O'ROURKE
Wild fish are under threat of extinction because they're hunted to feed us. Yet land animals tha...
RAMEZ NAAM
If all else fails we will still have the lakes, the land, the horses and the fish, and there are a l...
DAWN KELSCH
Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea.
JESSICA SIMPSON
Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea.'
JESSICA SIMPSON
These days, it seems like you can't throw a fish in a bookstore without hitting a high-stakes love t...
JENNIFER LYNN BARNES
The atoll was poorly explored with only about 35 fish species known previously. Including the new sp...
MICHAEL SMITH
It leaves nothing for the fish – and I'm a fish guy,
WAYNE KING
If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish...
DAN QUAYLE
I have a large file of photos of ducks and fish.
GEORGE LYTLE
The main thing is that it doesn?t impede fish passage or boat passage,
BOB HUNTER
They're fish eaters. A lot of people call them fish hawks.
JULIE VICTORIA
When you see a fish you don't think of its scales, do you? You think of its speed, its floating,...
CONSTANTIN BRANCUSI
Ninety-nine percent of the fish we see are non-game fish.
TIM MCKEE
If I am not that dead fish who go with the stream, I am also not that fish who jump into the bear's ...
MEVIN GORAYAH
My favourite fish is frozen fish, it throws farther!
CHARLIE C DRAKOBICH
I also have a lot of preserved foods, things that will keep for a long time like dried fish, seaweed...
MARTIN YAN
Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken of the...
JESSICA SIMPSON
We want to avoid a possible fish kill, due to the fish being exposed to the oil that is on the surfa...
WILLIAM HYATT
The way you're going to catch the fish in this area is with long casts. You can't run in on the fish...
SCOTT GUTHRIE
I have other fish to fry.
CERVANTES MIGUEL DE CERVANTES SAAVEDRA
I have other fish to fry.
CERVANTES (MIGUEL DE CERVANTES SAAVEDRA)
I have other fish to fry.
MIGUEL DE CERVANTES SAAVEDRA
We make a fish food for every type of fish we breed.
CHRIS CLEVERS
I still don't know why I fish or why other men fish, except we like it and it makes us think and fe...
RODERICK L. HAIG-BROWN
If you cast your bait after the fish have passed, you will only catch despair.
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO
I think the fact that there are low-mercury fish options should be reassuring to consumers. People c...
JACKIE SAVITZ
That's really not that big, but I was hooked, and hooked good. The speed of the fish and their jumpi...
ANDY FANTER
A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking...
ANONYMOUS
The fish are always selling well. They are the only one of God’s creatures that never disappoints.
MARTIN DAVIES
Just because you got mercury in the water doesn't mean you got mercury in fish. And if we find highe...
DOUG MCBRIDE
This is not about avoiding fish. It is about paying attention to the types and amount of fish you ea...
DAVID ACHESON
If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'...
DAN QUAYLE
The ocean," I said, "look at it out there, battering, crawling up and down. And underneath all that,...
CHARLES BUKOWSKI
I don't know if I have a favorite color.
KATE MIDDLETON
It's very special having a new little girl.
KATE MIDDLETON
For ocean, whale is a small fish; for wise man, small fish is an ocean! Sun, hides in the candle!
MEHMET MURAT ILDAN
Barry, you’re a one and only, forever kind of guy. I think I’ll keep you.
ELAINE LEVINE
Big fish eat little fish
PROVERB
Un-dish-cover the fish, or dishcover the riddle.
LEWIS CARROLL (PSEUDONYM OF REV. CHARLES L. DODGSON)
There must be fish. You have to put out the fish but you either don't eat it or you have to leave so...
DING LAN

More Dave Barry

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
DAVE BARRY
We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admi...
DAVE BARRY
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
DAVE BARRY
What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another pe...
DAVE BARRY
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
DAVE BARRY
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is ...
DAVE BARRY
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
DAVE BARRY
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to a...
DAVE BARRY
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
DAVE BARRY
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY
The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
DAVE BARRY
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
DAVE BARRY
Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is th...
DAVE BARRY
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
DAVE BARRY
The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes i...
DAVE BARRY
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to...
DAVE BARRY
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or...
DAVE BARRY
I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a mor...
DAVE BARRY
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless...
DAVE BARRY
The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitutio...
DAVE BARRY
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
DAVE BARRY
Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on.
DAVE BARRY
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know ...
DAVE BARRY
You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident."
DAVE BARRY
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
DAVE BARRY
I'd take a nerf bullet for you.
DAVE BARRY
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
DAVE BARRY
The first person who decided to say a word instead of throwing a rock can be considered the starter ...
DAVE BARRY
It was not that Adam ate the apple for the apple's sake, but because it was forbidden. It would have...
DAVE BARRY
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to r...
DAVE BARRY
Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
DAVE BARRY
I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.
DAVE BARRY
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is ba...
DAVE BARRY
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see wi...
DAVE BARRY
My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormit...
DAVE BARRY
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would b...
DAVE BARRY
What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be...
DAVE BARRY
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popula...
DAVE BARRY
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated ...
DAVE BARRY
Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.
DAVE BARRY
There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who ...
DAVE BARRY
The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the ...
DAVE BARRY
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in...
DAVE BARRY
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went...
DAVE BARRY
Although Golf was originally restricted to wealthy Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns h...
DAVE BARRY
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any ...
DAVE BARRY
The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
DAVE BARRY
A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer
DAVE BARRY
It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mer...
DAVE BARRY
Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the p...
DAVE BARRY
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they...
DAVE BARRY
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
DAVE BARRY
The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withst...
DAVE BARRY
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
DAVE BARRY
The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas...
DAVE BARRY
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y...
DAVE BARRY
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that h...
DAVE BARRY
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to sa...
DAVE BARRY
And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to ta...
DAVE BARRY
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious pe...
DAVE BARRY
Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
DAVE BARRY
New York Taxi Rules:1. Driver speaks no English.2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace ...
DAVE BARRY
Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organiza...
DAVE BARRY
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won...
DAVE BARRY
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
DAVE BARRY
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
DAVE BARRY
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
DAVE BARRY
I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Futu...
DAVE BARRY
One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a compute...
DAVE BARRY
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with th...
DAVE BARRY
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see wit...
DAVE BARRY
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but ...
DAVE BARRY
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, usi...
DAVE BARRY
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this i...
DAVE BARRY
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
DAVE BARRY
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, includi...
DAVE BARRY
Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television witho...
DAVE BARRY
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
DAVE BARRY
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who re...
DAVE BARRY
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
DAVE BARRY
Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by...
DAVE BARRY
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
DAVE BARRY
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his ...
DAVE BARRY
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
DAVE BARRY
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
DAVE BARRY
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a goo...
DAVE BARRY
Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while ...
DAVE BARRY
I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news p...
DAVE BARRY
There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you...
DAVE BARRY
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
DAVE BARRY
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be att...
DAVE BARRY
I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
DAVE BARRY
Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
DAVE BARRY
If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
DAVE BARRY
We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just abo...
DAVE BARRY
Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
DAVE BARRY
I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven...
DAVE BARRY
Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no n...
DAVE BARRY
If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answ...
DAVE BARRY
A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to est...
DAVE BARRY
As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
DAVE BARRY
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background...
DAVE BARRY
If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - yo...
DAVE BARRY
Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is read...
DAVE BARRY
Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, D...
DAVE BARRY
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the...
DAVE BARRY
What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such ...
DAVE BARRY
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since th...
DAVE BARRY
While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Int...
DAVE BARRY
And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead by using their MacInto...
DAVE BARRY
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to...
DAVE BARRY
All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for b...
DAVE BARRY
Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting techniq...
DAVE BARRY
The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed...
DAVE BARRY
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in Janu...
DAVE BARRY
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and att...
DAVE BARRY
Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always...
DAVE BARRY
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
DAVE BARRY
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y...
DAVE BARRY
I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if pe...
DAVE BARRY
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at...
DAVE BARRY
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybo...
DAVE BARRY
Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions...
DAVE BARRY
Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ev...
DAVE BARRY
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a c...
DAVE BARRY
For many years the National Pretend Speed Limit was fifty-five miles per hour (metric equivalent: 37...
DAVE BARRY
All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of fallin...
DAVE BARRY
Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the b...
DAVE BARRY
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. (This is also true of relig...
DAVE BARRY
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have...
DAVE BARRY
The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
DAVE BARRY
I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't ca...
DAVE BARRY
I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software inco...
DAVE BARRY
Childbirth, as a strictly physical phenomenon, is comparable to driving a United Parcel truck throug...
DAVE BARRY
If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and f...
DAVE BARRY
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as bei...
DAVE BARRY
More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumers...
DAVE BARRY
USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean 'idiot.'
DAVE BARRY
UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 ton...
DAVE BARRY
The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Den...
DAVE BARRY
'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.
DAVE BARRY
''Varlet and the Squeaking Codpieces'' would be an excellent name for a rock band.
DAVE BARRY
Grammatically, should of is a predatory admonition; as such, it is always used as part of a herpetol...
DAVE BARRY
It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This...
DAVE BARRY
I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person...
DAVE BARRY
The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withsta...
DAVE BARRY
Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark
DAVE BARRY
What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a...
DAVE BARRY
When Thomas Paine showed Benjamin Franklin the manuscript of The Age of Reason, Franklin advised him...
DAVE BARRY
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty...
DAVE BARRY
All good things must come to an end, but all bad things can continue forever.
DAVE BARRY
We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days s...
DAVE BARRY
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
DAVE BARRY
And Ted Koppel comes walking down the aisle. We'd met a few times, so we said hello.
DAVE BARRY
Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT."
DAVE BARRY
There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.
DAVE BARRY
1996 also saw a huge expansion of the Internet, with many major corporations, afraid of being left b...
DAVE BARRY
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on you...
DAVE BARRY
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went...
DAVE BARRY
Sir,” James asked, “what are we going to do?”
“We’re going to look for water,” said...
DAVE BARRY
Seriously? You won’t help me?”
“Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.
DAVE BARRY
If Black Stache laughed, you laughed. If he snarled, you snarled. If he breathed in your direction, ...
DAVE BARRY
If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, ...
DAVE BARRY
Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably...
DAVE BARRY
If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you wo...
DAVE BARRY
It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This...
DAVE BARRY
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religi...
DAVE BARRY
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
DAVE BARRY
Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
DAVE BARRY
I gotta tell you, ... It's pretty crazy when you think about taking whatever's on the other end of t...
DAVE BARRY
It was by far just a one-girl show. She led every offensive and defensive category for Bishop Kearne...
DAVE BARRY
one of South Florida's most vital natural resources, a relentlessly sane voice in a howling hurrican...
DAVE BARRY
drink beer. But that's kind of my goal pretty much wherever I go.
DAVE BARRY
I'm very pleased that we made the top four. But I feel that we could have had a stronger showing.
DAVE BARRY
I've been asked to make an announcement, ... There is a non-luxury car in the parking lot. We've bee...
DAVE BARRY
The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization.
DAVE BARRY
We've actually gotten better musically over the years, ... But we've come to realize that we will ne...
DAVE BARRY
Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
DAVE BARRY
Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art...
DAVE BARRY
I find myself having these conversations where I go...“You know, the guy, in that place. The guy i...
DAVE BARRY
Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones...
DAVE BARRY
Ridley is a tea drinker.
DAVE BARRY
It's a concept I've often thought of.
DAVE BARRY
You get people from all walks of life here -- who work in domestic service.
DAVE BARRY
I believe that's one of the finest action regurgitation scenes in the history of literature, ... I'd...
DAVE BARRY
We became pretty sensitive about it. We visited Great Ormond Street Hospital when we were in England...
DAVE BARRY
What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge ham...
DAVE BARRY
I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
DAVE BARRY
Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuc...
DAVE BARRY
Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger...
DAVE BARRY
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
DAVE BARRY
The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable ent...
DAVE BARRY
Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant d...
DAVE BARRY
I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks sh...
DAVE BARRY
Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look...
DAVE BARRY
There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his ...
DAVE BARRY
The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winte...
DAVE BARRY