The key is to commit crimes so confusing that police feel too stupid to even write a crime report about them.

Why do we have to wait for special moments to say nice things or tell people we care about them?

There are people I know who won't hurt me. I call them corpses.

Sometimes the measure of friendship isn't your ability to not harm but your capacity to forgive the things done to you and ask forgiveness for your own mistakes.

Slow and steady wins the race, then wastes no time grinding salt-caked glass in your open wounds.

The only time anyone's admitted they were a Christian before was when they were busy telling me why they're better than me.