That's like leaping off a precipice and trying to knit yourself a parachute on the way down.

You can bail water 24/7, and no matter how good you are at not sinking, you still have a hole in your boat.

Irony of the day: arthritis medication with a cap that old people can't get off, because of their arthritis.

I'm an open book. But some of the pages are stuck together.

One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans.

When I am alone, my table manners are rather piggish, but i suppose that's because I don't eat at a table, I eat at my desk. Which could be considered a table, except we tend to define things by their function, and this particular surface is a desk, so perhaps piggish is unfair.