Some people should come with a *brains not included* sticker

I know that light travels faster than sound....and have concluded.. that's the reason some people seem brite until u hear them speak!!

Oh- and grab the plastic bag over by my suitcase."
I slug down the last of the coffee and get up. The bag contains panty hose. I put them on her desk.
"They're for you."
"You want me to look homeless, desperate, but also kind of fabulous?

Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.

I never said nothing..."
"I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead!

All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.