So there you have it--my sorry tale. That's how something I though I controlled ended up controlling me.

We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need.

I was so mad, I reached into the drawer for her fake sushi eraser and put it in my pocket. Serves her right for being such a big, fat, Eggo-scarfing liar.

It's kind of freaky to send your picture over the Internet to someone you don't really know and then have to sit waiting for their judgement on how you look. Maybe that's why my aunt Penny, who got divorced two years ago, hates online dating so much. Mom's always nagging her to go back on Match.com but Aunt Penny says she'd rather have root canal work - without anesthetic.

He stands up, slowly, and puts his hands on the zipper of his jeans, where I notice there's a bulge that looks like someone stuck a cucumber in his pants. That can be his...thing, can it? He undoes the button then his fly and then slides his jeans down. He's wearing those tight boxer-briefs things, like that guy in the Calvin Klein commercial, and I realize, it's definitely not a cucumber.

Maybe that's what praying is all about. Maybe it's not just asking God to forgive us for bad things or asking Him for good things. Maybe it's just the act of praying and feeling that there's someone up there listening that makes us feel better and less helpless.