Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

I'm not comfortable being around too many people. I don't like being out in public too much. I don't like going to bars. I don't like doing celebrity stuff. So most of the characters I play are people who don't always feel comfortable beyond their small circle of friends.

My comedy is different every time I do it. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

I sing seriously to my mom on the phone. To put her to sleep, I have to sing "Maria" from West Side Story. When I hear her snoring, I hang up.

Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass.

My buddies, we've always just tried to make each other laugh, ... I mean, just like all friends hanging out -- that's the goal.