Since my trips to Earth, I've only managed to assemble a few basics facts about humans, condensing them in to four, overall points: kids got Reese's, teens got recess, adults got recessions, and seniors got receding.

In Poetry class, Professor Sappho teaches us how to compose love ballads. She's a swell teacher and all but I'm not sure I understand her. She's always going on and on about her weekend trips with the other goddesses to the island of Lesbos.

She wore an A-line bridal gown with a V-shaped neckline while Apollo playing Bach's Air on the G string.

Instantly, the pair fell to groping one other as if each had puff the magic dragon at a rock concert in Woodstock.

Even Cronus, the Titan who literally had his kids for breakfast, would find these facts hard to swallow.

This coming from the god who zinged Guinevere and Lancelot while King Arthur was away slaying dragons.