Simulation Tobias kisses my neck.<br /><br />I try to think. I have to face the fear. I have to take control of the situation and find a way to make it less frightening.<br /><br />I look Simulation Tobias in the eye and say sternly, “I am not going to sleep with you in a hallucination. Okay?”<br /><br />Then I grab him by his shoulders and turn us around, pushing him against the<br />bedpost. I feel something other than fear—a prickle in my stomach, a bubble of laughter. I press against him and kiss him, my hands wrapping around his arms. He feels strong. He feels…good.<br /><br />And he’s gone.<br /><br />I laugh into my hand until my face gets hot. I must be the only initiate with this fear.