Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.

As my father always used to tell me, 'You see, son, there's always someone in the world worse off than you.' And I always used to think, 'So?

That's what I've never been able to get about religion: that charmless combination of altruism and insanity. Give me a cynical, self-interested bastard any day of the week; at least you can play chicken with him and know he'll stick to the rules.

Every ounce of my cynicism is supported by historical precedent.

If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.

Si la cursilería fuera un pecado, yo cada noche me ganaría el infierno.