(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary.

(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?

I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so.

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.

The shortest distance between two people is a smile.