Reading - like masturbation - is something you do alone and very little in life brings more pleasure.

When you lose yourself in a book the hours grow wings and fly.

Squirting isn’t easy, it has to be said. Then, neither is riding a unicycle. Just as some people sweat more than others, or eat more than others, some girls erupt in surging geysers of vaginal fluids with greater facility and in more generous quantities than others.

Is squirting myth or magic? French scientists say myth, squirting girls say magic. And I say: those who can, do, and they do so because squirting is fun.

Some men believe a girl squirting under their touch is a sign of their own sex appeal and machismo. It seems a shame to pee on their parade, but the truth is, the methodical throb of a vibrator in the right place and in the right hands – even your own hand – achieves more consistent results.

Red grabs you by the throat like a claw that just hangs on and changes your DNA. There are books like that. But not many.