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Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.


Mort Sahl

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People are just so insensitive because they're ignorant; they don't understand, so they'...
NIKKI GLASER I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians....
STEVE MARTIN When I first started out, 'Time' magazine did an article on what it called 'the sick com...
BOB NEWHART It's also that comedians don't have the kind of narcissism that actors have. They're wri...
RACHEL WEISZ I had to learn how to drive because I didn't drive in Toronto.
KEVIN MCDONALD Oh, completely liberating because even if you don't do a woman right, you just have to put on hi...
KEVIN MCDONALD People like it when others fail and suffer. They get assured they are not alone in that predicament
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foo...
CHARLES DICKENS You have to be very insensitive in order to have a cat, because I think they're very independent...
JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT I'm convinced normal people miss the majority of God's blessings because they're too busy to notice ...
CRAIG GROESCHEL For me, insanity is super sanity. The normal is psychotic. Normal means lack of imagination, lack ...
JEAN DUBUFFET For me, insanity is super sanity. The normal is psychotic. Normal means lack of imagination, lack o...
JEAN DUBUFFET For me, insanity is super sanity. The normal is psychotic. Normal means lack of imagination, lack of...
JEAN DUBUFFET My life needs editing.
MORT SAHL Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've ...
MORT SAHL A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.
MORT SAHL Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've st...
MORT SAHL Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. If he ran unopposed he would have lost.
MORT SAHL [In addition to optimal atmosphere, the tight-knit staff at Kelly's made performers feel welcome and...
MORT SAHL A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.
MORT SAHL I found people looked better when they laughed
MORT SAHL Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the differen...
MORT SAHL Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stol...
MORT SAHL The bravest thing that men do is love women
MORT SAHL You haven't lived until you've died in California
MORT SAHL People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.
MORT SAHL I never met a man I didn't like until I met Will Rogers.
MORT SAHL I didn't think that anything is beyond humor - not profane humor, but a good, honest approach to...
MORT SAHL A lot of times they have to re-drill.
ED FISHER Astronauts are very professional and when they're preparing for launch, they prepare for it as t...
ELLEN OCHOA Russian humor is to adapt or make some sense or nonsense out of the insanity of their lives.
IAN FRAZIER What happens when you're a child professional is that you have to be, well, professional. You...
FERGIE This is the Modern Man, who cannot save himself but wants to save the world.
He is the Wise who...
CRISTIANE SERRUYA Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not.
JAMES LIPTON They say time heals a broken heart. What heals the trust to venture love again?
FRANCESCO NICHOLAS CECE If Love was a stock, with today's lack of morals and infidelity, it would need a huge bail-out!
FRANCESCO NICHOLAS CECE I think when you're working with a character that another writer is acting as - for lack of a be...
GREG RUCKA I am often asked how it is that I am able to value people to such a deep degree. Apparently, I exhib...
C. JOYBELL C. For comedians, we're all kind of tweeting our thoughts instead of spending time developing them....
NATASHA LEGGERO You must save what you can of your life; you musn't lose it all simply because you've lost a part.
HENRY JAMES Chronic malnutrition, or the lack of proper nutrition over time directly contributes to three times ...
CAT CORA The government must give proper weight to both keeping America safe from terrorists and protecting A...
AL FRANKEN A lot of times, people will have after-parties or try and host an event for comedians, and they misu...
TIG NOTARO You're bloody insane, Karede," Mat said. "Unfortunately, so am I.
ROBERT JORDAN You know, you have a lot of people - I've met a lot of people in the past, I've gone to priv...
ISSA RAE You have a lot of ups and downs in coaching, especially, but I can't remember any bad times at t...
DON NELSON Given the current state of publishing, I think it helps to have a brand name on the cover of your bo...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER If you're showing people where it's smooth sailing, where is the joke? If you go back to any...
CHRISTOPHER GUEST Surprisingly, I think if you're known on the Internet, you're probably an introvert.
FELICIA DAY My mother refused to let me fail. So I insisted.
WALKER PERCY Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. ...
DICK CAVETT I think that it's hard for vain people to be funny. I think you can look any way you want as lon...
TARAN KILLAM When we go to see comedians or funny movies, they don't address the wall behind them; they face ...
DOUG TENNAPEL What we're doing is fun - if you have any sense of humor at all!
CALVIN KLEIN The truth is, for however much my stories come out of things that have happened to me, they're n...
EUGENE MIRMAN I just think that unless you have that cohesiveness in the family unit, the male character tends to ...
ELLEN JOHNSON SIRLEAF They?re a seasoned team. They?re very, very well-coached. They play extremely hard. They?re surprisi...
LARRY HUNTER There are five issues that make a fist of a hand that can knock America out cold. They're lack o...
WILL.I.AM We're all victims of our own hubris at times.
KEVIN SPACEY I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedia...
DEMETRI MARTIN I'm a huge Muppets fan. Gigantic. I think they're genius. I think they're some of the be...
ANDIE MACDOWELL We knew they may have a little trouble because of the lack of a background in here. Our girls have p...
DAVE KISER If we're honest with ourselves, most of us know the one thing we lack.
CRAIG GROESCHEL You can't do anything to be funny. That's cringeworthy. If your humor comes out of a place o...
JOHN KRASINSKI Most of us think we're too busy or too important to rest for a day.
CRAIG GROESCHEL She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY I love my mom so much. I don't care if that's corny to say. I think on my next birthday, I'm going t...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY We Are All Infinite
STEPHEN CHBOSKY (All the grief she had suffered over her lifetime had moulded her face into a mask of eternal sadnes...
JEAN SASSON You can't just sit there and put everyone's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY I saw other people there. Old men sitting alone. Young girls with blue eye shadow and awkward jaws. ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY That one moment when you know you are not a sad story. You are ALIVE.
STEPHAN CHBOSKY Somos quienes somos por un montón de razones.Quizás nunca conozcamos la mayoría de ellas.Pero aun...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY Ambos dijeron que tomara asiento y parecían hablar en serio, así que me senté.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY I know these will all be stories some day, and our pictures will become old photographs. We all beco...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybewe'll never know most of them.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY There's nothing like the deep breathes after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore st...
STHEPHEN CHBOSKY no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks, when the teacher rings the bell, drop...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY I don't know the significance of this, but I find it very interesting.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY Maybe it’s sad that these are now memories. And maybe it’s not sad.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY I don't know if I have a favorite color.
KATE MIDDLETON It's very special having a new little girl.
KATE MIDDLETON What a fine line there is between artistry and insanity. There's no formula for it, and I think ...
RONNIE DUNN Now they have a riddle.

- Criminal Minds
DEYTH BANGER Surviving dangerous times require a sense of humor.
ROBERT FERRIGNO Comedians work great as actors because they're good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you ha...
LOUIS C. K. I don't think that there's necessarily a side to drama that has to be completely bleak. You ...
AMY SEIMETZ We are bringing in nationally-known professional comedians to come in a do a 45 minute to and hour s...
SHAUN HARVEY One of the strengths of the DC Universe has been the strength of the rogues' gallery. Often time...
JIM LEE The answer isn't more time but a greater awareness of the time we have.
CRAIG GROESCHEL They still have negligent auditing, they still have things going for a walk, and they have no idea w...
EDWARD SNOWDEN A lot of times people hide their quirks when they're first getting to know a person.
KALI HAWK The happiest people I've found are in science. These people have three times the IQ - maybe I...
ELI BROAD How should I know?" said Alice, surprised at her own courage. "It's no business of mine."
The Q...
LEWIS CARROLL I'm not a professional; I lack even basic knowledge about writing music.
AYUMI HAMASAKI I have great respect for my parents. I got such beautiful things from both of them. It doesn't m...
PATTI SMITH God already knows what we're made of, but perhaps He wants us to learn what we're made of. I...
JOHN BYTHEWAY All governments stress an employment-intensive force of production, but are unwilling to recognize t...
IVAN ILLICH

More Mort Sahl

My life needs editing.
MORT SAHL Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've ...
MORT SAHL A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.
MORT SAHL Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've st...
MORT SAHL Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. If he ran unopposed he would have lost.
MORT SAHL [In addition to optimal atmosphere, the tight-knit staff at Kelly's made performers feel welcome and...
MORT SAHL A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.
MORT SAHL I found people looked better when they laughed
MORT SAHL Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the differen...
MORT SAHL Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stol...
MORT SAHL The bravest thing that men do is love women
MORT SAHL You haven't lived until you've died in California
MORT SAHL People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.
MORT SAHL I never met a man I didn't like until I met Will Rogers.
MORT SAHL I didn't think that anything is beyond humor - not profane humor, but a good, honest approach to...
MORT SAHL The mosaic is an extraordinary addition to the TV marketplace and serves as a platform for DISH Netw...
ERIC SAHL Lime offers a uniquely targeted and passionate audience that represents the growing consumer trend t...
ERIC SAHL The CNN Enhanced TV application furthers Dish Network's standing as a leader in ITV.
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ERIC SAHL The Tennis Channel meets a demand in sports programming today - a complete tennis category - and enh...
ERIC SAHL The NBC mosaic lets DISH Network customers quickly preview on a single screen what events are on eac...
ERIC SAHL While we are working hard to negotiate a fair contract with Lifetime Television, we must also protec...
ERIC SAHL Oxygen is a bold new network that is continually raising the bar in delivering important women's pro...
ERIC SAHL Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of your heart.
MORT WALKER Well, there are two kinds of stem cells: adult stem cells, which you can get from any part of a grow...
MORT KONDRACKE The people who were against the Vietnam War thought I was attacking the Army. The guys in the Army t...
MORT WALKER I took Beetle home thinking that after the Korean War was over, I would have to take him out of the ...
MORT WALKER When the war was over and the guys were back to shaving every day, the editor thought the Beetle Bai...
MORT WALKER And there are lots of drug companies that are working on cure or medicine.
MORT KONDRACKE When I introduced a black soldier, Lt. Flap, in 1971, the Stars and Stripes banned the strip. They w...
MORT WALKER The right-to-life movement and the Roman Catholic Church are saying that it is better to destroy the...
MORT KONDRACKE You learn just by trying and experimenting. By the time I was 14, I had my own comic strip in the Ka...
MORT WALKER Now, what tends to happen is that the stories get hyped. And the medicines are not quite as revoluti...
MORT KONDRACKE The Japanese have a great saying: 'When the student is ready, the Buddha will appear
MORT MEYERSON At one time Tribune Syndicate emptied out their storeroom. They put tables full of original cartoons...
MORT WALKER I say, if you believe what you read in the comic strips, then you believe that mice run around with ...
MORT WALKER I was kicked out of The Stars And Stripes twice, and finally got back in.
MORT WALKER Their pitching is no different than anybody else's. They might have a little more velocity or hit th...
JAKE MORT There were more people here tonight than in my hometown. That's kind of a unique feeling. It's one o...
JAKE MORT With just a couple of stores, it's easy to make changes and get the model right. Over the next few m...
MORT ROSENTHAL Cartoonists gave away their work, and syndicates and newspapers with archives didn't know what to do...
MORT WALKER Don't most astrophysicists now predict some "end of the line" - an end to it all? Not just the death...
MORT W. LUMSDEN There's actually a sort of comfort in the belief that things can only get worse. It gives one an app...
MORT W. LUMSDEN