Pretty hard to see when you refuse to look. Pretty hard to hear when you refuse to listen.

Another form of bargaining, which many people do, and she did too, is to replay the final painful moments over and over in her head as if by doing so she could eventually create a different outcome.
It is natural to replay in your mind the details. Deep in your heart you know what is true. Your mouth speaks the words, “My cat has died,” but you still don’t really want to believe it. You go over and over and over it in your mind. Your heart replays the scene for you for the express purpose of teaching you to accept what has happened. While your heart tries to “rewire” your mind to accept it, your mind keeps looking for a different answer. It doesn’t like the truth. Like anything else, when you hear it enough, you finally accept that it is true.

Parce qu'il y a certaines habitudes qui deviennent vitales. Aussi futiles soient elles, elles deviennent des points de repères, des choses sur lesquelles on se base pour avancer. Faire sonner trois fois son réveil le matin avant de se lever. Avoir une marque de café favorite. Être assis toujours à la même place à table. Lacer sa chaussure gauche avant la droite. Des gestes qui se transforment en rituels et si ça foire un jour plus rien ne va et on se sent perdu.

He had no idea how wonderful he was. How his hands were so beautiful she could hardly look at them. How his truest smile was crooked and lifted higher on the left side than the right, which made her feel like he might understand her better, her hemiplegic face that was all crooked half smiles, too. But it couldn't be denied. He was also slightly crazy. Maybe more than slightly.

At the end of my dream, Eve put the apple back on the branch. The tree went back into the ground. It became a sapling, which became a seed.

No one since Sam Sheppard has been this arrogant and cold. This case is like a repeat of it.