Political correctness is America's newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control people's language with strict codes and rigid rules. I'm not sure that's the way to fight discrimination. I'm not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech.


George Carlin

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

To stand on the
brink of what is coming, feeling eager, optimistic anticipation—with no feeli...
ASK AND IT IS GIVEN
37. It is better to be single and unhappy than unhappily married.
JAMES C. DOBSON
I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES
I'm not an Emontional, but how???
I live with the thought that "Nothing can be returned, it has...
DEYTH BANGER
It is what it is, it is what you make it.
JAMES DURBIN
Integrity is not everything, but it is the only thing that matters.
JEFFREY FRY
IF YOU CAN'T THANK GOD FOR WHAT YOU HAVE, THANK HIM FOR WHAT YOU HAVE ESCAPED!
NOT SURE
A conservative is a liberal who just got mugged and a liberal is a conservative who just got arreste...
NOT SURE
If you are constantly looking in the rear view mirror, how will you ever see what is in front of you...
NOT SURE
This is too much reality for a Friday.
AS GOOD AS IT GETS
The king may rule the kingdom, but it's the queen who moves the board.
D.M. TIMNEY
I am Happy and satisfied with what I am. 10000 will take me wrong, 1000 will go against me, 100 will...
NEHA KOTHARI
If our mind was an ocean then every now and then we would have the perfect storm happening in it.Gar...
GARY F EVANS...
[While digital speech is sounding better, it still has a way to go, industry experts acknowledge.] S...
JANET BAKER
It is about understanding the problem and not about taking strict action against offenders. We canno...
MADHUP TIWARI
I regret that I wasn't more successful with my marriages, but it is what it is.
TED TURNER
When politicians seek to restrict political speech, it is invariably to protect their own incumbency...
TED OLSON
Commemoration of John Wyclif, Reformer, 1384 It has been too much the custom to regard the earlies...
W. M. RAMSAY
Nothing is ever as good or as bad as it appears to be.
JEFFREY FRY
Tomorrow is promised to no one. Prioritize today accordingly.
GINA GREENLEE
When I die it will be game over,... but I know one life is short, to be selfish is not the best deci...
DEYTH BANGER
This is just the way it is, ... When I wanted to use, I went to the black people I knew who used. We...
BRIAN CALDWELL
Political correctness is a loaded gun that the individual holds to their own head. Where laws can’...
JAMES SCOTT
It is a lie.
ARTHUR MILLER
Life is weird and wonderful like that, is it not.
SONYA.E.WILLIAMS
The best thing is to go public only when you're absolutely sure that's the right move for th...
JON ORINGER
Unpredictability means what it means. I don't know how you define it. It is what it is.
MICHAEL KEATON
There was no Jace Wayland more real than the one he saw in her eyes when she looked at him.
CASSANDRA CLARE
The principle of academic freedom is designed to make sure that powers outside the university, inclu...
JUDITH BUTLER
The benefits of IM are undeniable for businesses, yet the security risks and challenges are paramoun...
CHRIS SHIPLEY
People become more ignorant when it comes to religion.
DANIEL MELGAçO
The issue of IM is that it's being used on the public networks. IM is subject to all the same proble...
ANDREW LOCHART
Just like email, instant messages can be used as evidence in a legal case. So it pays to make sure y...
ED GOLOD
The mark of solitude is silence, as speech is the mark of community. Silence and speech have the sam...
DIETRICH BONHOEFFER
35. God is entitled to a portion of our income—not because He needs it but because we need to give...
JAMES C. DOBSON
Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it
SARA SHEPARD
Freedom of speech as I define it is more than a right granted by government. It's a process that eac...
T.J. KIRK
Thinking about free speech brought me to media regulation, as Americans access so much of their poli...
MARVIN AMMORI
Political correctness is simply a speed bump in the traffic of truth, free thought and speech.
SOURCE UNKNOWN
Language signifies when instead of copying thought it lets itself be taken apart and put together ag...
MAURICE MERLEAU-PONTY
It is what it is, and it ain't nothin' else... Everything is clearly, openly, plainly delive...
DAN FLAVIN
With '10,000,' our aim was to make a film that was entertaining and a roller-coaster ride; i...
STEVEN STRAIT
Tell your story to the universe and Let your actions speak LOVE.' No matter what it is.
NAPZ CHERUB PELLAZO
Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance ev...
KARL R. POPPER
This case presents the tension between property rights and speech. When disclosure also presents a m...
IAN BALLON
To be honest, there are no problems between me and Messi. People have their own opinions about who t...
CRISTIANO RONALDO
Language is legislation, speech is its code. We do not see the power which is in speech because we f...
ROLAND BARTHES
The true use of speech is not so much to express our wants as to conceal them
OLIVER GOLDSMITH
The true use of speech is not so much to express our wants as to conceal them.
OLIVER GOLDSMITH
You know, I don't think my music is important, I don't think it's changing the world, I ...
SUFJAN STEVENS
Life is not all about sticking or stopping your thoughts to old memories but LIFE STARTS when you st...
NEHA KOTHARI
i know im not the girl you wanted. not the one you want to hear from. but what you see is what you g...
SIMI GREWAL
Are we sure it is desirable for a man's spirit not to be at war with itself, or that it is better to...
WILLIAM SAROYAN
George Orwell's contention was that it is a sure sign of trouble when things can no longer be ca...
CHRISTOPHER LASCH
The point of Political Correctness is not and has never been merely about any of the items that it i...
ANGELO CODEVILLA
It's always easy to get people to condemn threats to free speech when the speech being threatene...
GLENN GREENWALD
Freedom of speech and thought matters, especially when it is speech and thought with which we disagr...
BEN SHAPIRO
I've skewered whites, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, gays, straights, rednecks, a...
JEFF DUNHAM
Yes! Very funny this terrible thing is. A man that is born falls into a dream like a man who falls i...
JOSEPH CONRAD
If the best is possible, than good is never enough and only do the best.
ROBERT SIAHAAN
What is it that makes you so angry, bothers you so deeply, that you're compelled to act?
CRAIG GROESCHEL
There is a national problem with suppressing free speech at high schools and colleges in the name of...
DAVID FRENCH
Touch comes before sight, before speech. It is the first language and the last, and it always tells ...
MARGARET ATWOOD
Islam does not believe in democracy, freedom of speech, freedom of the press, or freedom of assembly...
PAULINE HANSON
I never like it when a celebrity goes on Twitter and says, 'This isn't true!' It is what...
HARRY STYLES
The opportunities and the game situation are going to tell the eventual tale of how many attempts he...
MIKE SCIOSCIA
While we as members of the Coalition strongly support free speech, it is not unlimited free speech. ...
DENIS NAPTHINE
Few influential people involved with the Internet claim that it is a good in and of itself. It is a ...
ESTHER DYSON
We're not going to go out and say the waters are safe, but it looks like it's getting there. As far ...
KURT TSUE
Horror as for me is the best choice, you can gain a lot of. I like to be afraid like to see this shi...
DEYTH BANGER
Those teens who are less likely to have sexual intercourse are more likely to have had oral sex. We'...
JENNIFER MANLOVE
You get to the point where you're like, 'I'm just doing me, and if people don't like...
BEBE REXHA
The Biggest Threat to our Democracy, Freedoms and Future is Leadership that fosters and Appeases the...
MICHAEL HARRIS
Free speech is against governments, not against the NBA. So the players and coaches and indeed owner...
DAVID STERN
Hip hop is inherently political, the language is political. It uses language as a weapon -- not a we...
TODD BOYD
Political correctness does not legislate tolerance; it only organizes hatred.
JACQUES BARZUN
Political correctness does not legislate tolerance; it only organizes hatred
JACQUES BARZUN
We want to protect freedom of speech, but it is not unlimited freedom of speech. There has always be...
DENIS NAPTHINE
Using assistive technology with your child prevents your child from missing out on content solely be...
SANDRA K. COOK
To have the cognitive abilities to do research and development is vital to a forever expanding world...
GARY F EVANS...
Yes Im young,We Belong,Love Is Sung,By the peaceful Song...Listen Please, You'll fall to your knees,...
NOT YER TYPICAL DORK
32. Before you criticize your parents for their failures and mistakes, ask yourself: “Will I reall...
JAMES C. DOBSON
The so-called paradox of freedom is the argument that freedom in the sense of absence of any ...
KARL R. POPPER
The love you get, is equal to the love you give.
BEN OAK
Because of my language and the pantomime with which most Europeans accompany their speech, I was cat...
BELA LUGOSI
I saw that there is no Nature,
That Nature doesn’t exist,
That there are hills, valleys,...
ALBERTO CAEIRO
Intolerance itself is a form of egoism, and to condemn egoism intolerantly is to share it.
GEORGE SANTAYANA
Speech is human nature itself, with none of the artificiality of written language.
ALFRED NORTH WHITEHEAD
Speech is human nature itself, with none of the artificiality of written language
ALFRED WHITEHEAD
Speech is human nature itself, with none of the artificiality of written language
ALFRED NORTH WHITEHEAD
It's good that the first half of the speech emphasized freedom, because George W. Bush has been ...
ERNEST ISTOOK
This bill doesn't contain real reform. Instead, this bill strips citizens of their political rights ...
TOM DELAY
Advocates of 'free speech' often repeat the mantra that the best response to bad speech is m...
JACKSON KATZ
Teachers have enough problems as it is. It's sure not positive.
BOB HAZEL
There is something very wonderful about music. Words are wonderful enough; but music is even more wo...
CHARLES KINGSLEY
People want the here and now, rather than the there and after; as most are living in the where and w...
ANTHONY LICCIONE
I wanted to make sure that the environment of the shooting itself was not that controlled, and the w...
ATOM EGOYAN
A big sacrifice is coming, and you won't have the courage to make it. That will cost you dearly. It ...
RICK RIORDAN
Action hangs, as it were, dissolved in speech, in thoughts whereof speech is the shadow; and precipi...
THOMAS CARLYLE
In learning a language, when from mere words we reach the laws of words, we have gained a great deal...
RABINDRANATH TAGORE

More George Carlin

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they...
GEORGE CARLIN
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLIN
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
GEORGE CARLIN
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
GEORGE CARLIN
The status quo sucks.
GEORGE CARLIN
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.
I see a glass that's twice as bi...
GEORGE CARLIN
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
GEORGE CARLIN
Religion is just mind control.
GEORGE CARLIN
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
GEORGE CARLIN
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN
The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN
Always do whatever's next.
GEORGE CARLIN
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, W...
GEORGE CARLIN
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLIN
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don...
GEORGE CARLIN
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
GEORGE CARLIN
I'm completely in favor of the
separation of Church and State.
... These two institution...
GEORGE CARLIN
What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job!
GEORGE CARLIN
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
GEORGE CARLIN
Meow” means “woof” in cat.
GEORGE CARLIN
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reaso...
GEORGE CARLIN
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN
Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
GEORGE CARLIN
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN
People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'Fo...
GEORGE CARLIN
Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ...
GEORGE CARLIN
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuc...
GEORGE CARLIN
Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches e...
GEORGE CARLIN
It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, 'Rememb...
GEORGE CARLIN
How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
GEORGE CARLIN
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is ...
GEORGE CARLIN
How is it possible to have a civil war?
GEORGE CARLIN
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN
We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save ...
GEORGE CARLIN
We’re so self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. “Save the trees, save the be...
GEORGE CARLIN
Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will...
GEORGE CARLIN
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
GEORGE CARLIN
I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for ...
GEORGE CARLIN
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-
GEORGE CARLIN
Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
GEORGE CARLIN
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're hav...
GEORGE CARLIN
Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too la...
GEORGE CARLIN
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fa...
GEORGE CARLIN
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year t...
GEORGE CARLIN
Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook
GEORGE CARLIN
Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one h...
GEORGE CARLIN
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck
GEORGE CARLIN
The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity
GEORGE CARLIN
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
GEORGE CARLIN
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institution...
GEORGE CARLIN
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN
... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're ...
GEORGE CARLIN
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you i...
GEORGE CARLIN
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Buil...
GEORGE CARLIN
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to t...
GEORGE CARLIN
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLIN
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American be...
GEORGE CARLIN
I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Ky...
GEORGE CARLIN
The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is
GEORGE CARLIN
He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck thi...
GEORGE CARLIN
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
GEORGE CARLIN
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
GEORGE CARLIN
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLIN
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLIN
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
GEORGE CARLIN
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
GEORGE CARLIN
'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I ...
GEORGE CARLIN
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than...
GEORGE CARLIN
If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN
Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different....
GEORGE CARLIN
Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom
GEORGE CARLIN
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
GEORGE CARLIN
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience memb...
GEORGE CARLIN
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She sai...
GEORGE CARLIN
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLIN
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLIN
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
GEORGE CARLIN
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
GEORGE CARLIN
Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,
For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the...
GEORGE CARLIN
Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN
Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.
GEORGE CARLIN
When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse
GEORGE CARLIN
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it d...
GEORGE CARLIN
Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLIN
Everyone smiles in the same language.
GEORGE CARLIN
But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the wh...
GEORGE CARLIN
My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm ...
GEORGE CARLIN
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it&...
GEORGE CARLIN
It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class...
GEORGE CARLIN
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
GEORGE CARLIN
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ...
GEORGE CARLIN
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she tol...
GEORGE CARLIN
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
GEORGE CARLIN
I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
GEORGE CARLIN
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the...
GEORGE CARLIN
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Th...
GEORGE CARLIN
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning...
GEORGE CARLIN
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
GEORGE CARLIN
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "Y...
GEORGE CARLIN
It's never just a game when you're winning.
GEORGE CARLIN
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delight...
GEORGE CARLIN
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed...
GEORGE CARLIN
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll b...
GEORGE CARLIN
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLIN
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dish...
GEORGE CARLIN
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
GEORGE CARLIN
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
GEORGE CARLIN
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to...
GEORGE CARLIN
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLIN
Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!
GEORGE CARLIN
Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that b...
GEORGE CARLIN
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him
GEORGE CARLIN
In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section
GEORGE CARLIN
If it requires a uniform it's a worthless endeavor
GEORGE CARLIN
The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elect...
GEORGE CARLIN
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of you...
GEORGE CARLIN
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
GEORGE CARLIN
we get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
GEORGE CARLIN
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a ...
GEORGE CARLIN
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar
GEORGE CARLIN
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can...
GEORGE CARLIN
If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem
GEORGE CARLIN
In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
GEORGE CARLIN
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can th...
GEORGE CARLIN
Don’t just teach your children to read…
Teach them to question what they read.
Teach t...
GEORGE CARLIN
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
GEORGE CARLIN
I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with...
GEORGE CARLIN
I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, c...
GEORGE CARLIN
I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves ...
GEORGE CARLIN
Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. A...
GEORGE CARLIN
There's also way too much religion in the South to be consistent with good mental health.

GEORGE CARLIN
So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” And anyone who can’...
GEORGE CARLIN
THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.
GEORGE CARLIN
Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
GEORGE CARLIN
I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's ...
GEORGE CARLIN
I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individual...
GEORGE CARLIN
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. ...
GEORGE CARLIN
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed ...
GEORGE CARLIN
There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It se...
GEORGE CARLIN
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
GEORGE CARLIN
[On school uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now the...
GEORGE CARLIN
Life is a series of dogs
GEORGE CARLIN
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she tol...
GEORGE CARLIN
So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLIN
I read that Monica Seles got stabbed. And although I have nothing against Monica Seles, I'm glad som...
GEORGE CARLIN
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-.
GEORGE CARLIN
I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it daw...
GEORGE CARLIN
They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like
GEORGE CARLIN
Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the ...
GEORGE CARLIN
I have no emotional stake in Panda fucking.
GEORGE CARLIN
Jesus was a cross dresser
GEORGE CARLIN
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth
GEORGE CARLIN
The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out
GEORGE CARLIN
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity
GEORGE CARLIN
What makes me nervous is when I am at an airport and the stewardess says get on the plane. I say fuc...
GEORGE CARLIN
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it
GEORGE CARLIN
If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter
GEORGE CARLIN
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else
GEORGE CARLIN
I don't vote. Two reasons. First of all it's meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long ti...
GEORGE CARLIN
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
GEORGE CARLIN
I believe you can joke about anything.
GEORGE CARLIN
I'm the creative type,
GEORGE CARLIN
When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons
GEORGE CARLIN
Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
GEORGE CARLIN
He had a sort of pain that was fairly evident.
GEORGE CARLIN
Rich White Men Don't Care About Poor Black People
GEORGE CARLIN
You get to play with people's little danger zones.
GEORGE CARLIN
'We hope you enjoy your stay in Chicago or wherever your final destination may be.' All destinations...
GEORGE CARLIN
When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal wea...
GEORGE CARLIN
In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.
GEORGE CARLIN
In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing
GEORGE CARLIN
I went straight from shenanigans to cries against humanity
GEORGE CARLIN
A man came up to me on the street and said I used to be messed up out of my mind on drugs but now I'...
GEORGE CARLIN
I tell ya, if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer, I think linguistics would have been a...
GEORGE CARLIN
If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help.
GEORGE CARLIN
If the Reds were baseball's first team, who did they play?
GEORGE CARLIN
What if Alexander Graham Bell's name were Alexander Graham Siren? The phone wouldn't ring, it would ...
GEORGE CARLIN
Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that bi...
GEORGE CARLIN
Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can't...
GEORGE CARLIN
Everything beeps now
GEORGE CARLIN
You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic
GEORGE CARLIN
Think about it,
GEORGE CARLIN
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and...
GEORGE CARLIN
Most people are not particularly good at anything
GEORGE CARLIN
I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people
GEORGE CARLIN
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ...
GEORGE CARLIN
What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30 years,>Read People Magazine your...
GEORGE CARLIN
One thing i don't understand is sex is legal and selling things is legal but selling sex is illegal.
GEORGE CARLIN
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
GEORGE CARLIN
If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categ...
GEORGE CARLIN
Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
GEORGE CARLIN