Political correctness is America's newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control people's language with strict codes and rigid rules. I'm not sure that's the way to fight discrimination. I'm not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech.
George Carlin
Related To stand on the brink of what is coming, feeling eager, optimistic anticipation—with no feeli... ASK AND IT IS GIVEN 37. It is better to be single and unhappy than unhappily married. JAMES C. DOBSON I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES I'm not an Emontional, but how??? I live with the thought that "Nothing can be returned, it has... DEYTH BANGER It is what it is, it is what you make it. JAMES DURBIN Integrity is not everything, but it is the only thing that matters. JEFFREY FRY IF YOU CAN'T THANK GOD FOR WHAT YOU HAVE, THANK HIM FOR WHAT YOU HAVE ESCAPED! NOT SURE A conservative is a liberal who just got mugged and a liberal is a conservative who just got arreste... NOT SURE If you are constantly looking in the rear view mirror, how will you ever see what is in front of you... NOT SURE This is too much reality for a Friday. AS GOOD AS IT GETS The king may rule the kingdom, but it's the queen who moves the board. D.M. TIMNEY I am Happy and satisfied with what I am.
10000 will take me wrong, 1000 will go against me, 100 will... NEHA KOTHARI If our mind was an ocean then every now and then we would have the perfect storm happening in it.Gar... GARY F EVANS... [While digital speech is sounding better, it still has a way to go, industry experts acknowledge.] S... JANET BAKER It is about understanding the problem and not about taking strict action against offenders. We canno... MADHUP TIWARI I regret that I wasn't more successful with my marriages, but it is what it is. TED TURNER When politicians seek to restrict political speech, it is invariably to protect their own incumbency... TED OLSON Commemoration of John Wyclif, Reformer, 1384 It has been too much the custom to regard the earlies... W. M. RAMSAY Nothing is ever as good or as bad as it appears to be. JEFFREY FRY Tomorrow is promised to no one. Prioritize today accordingly. GINA GREENLEE When I die it will be game over,... but I know one life is short, to be selfish is not the best deci... DEYTH BANGER This is just the way it is, ... When I wanted to use, I went to the black people I knew who used. We... BRIAN CALDWELL Political correctness is a loaded gun that the individual holds to their own head. Where laws can’... JAMES SCOTT It is a lie. ARTHUR MILLER Life is weird and wonderful like that, is it not. SONYA.E.WILLIAMS The best thing is to go public only when you're absolutely sure that's the right move for th... JON ORINGER Unpredictability means what it means. I don't know how you define it. It is what it is. MICHAEL KEATON There was no Jace Wayland more real than the one he saw in her eyes when she looked at him. CASSANDRA CLARE The principle of academic freedom is designed to make sure that powers outside the university, inclu... JUDITH BUTLER The benefits of IM are undeniable for businesses, yet the security risks and challenges are paramoun... CHRIS SHIPLEY People become more ignorant when it comes to religion. DANIEL MELGAçO The issue of IM is that it's being used on the public networks. IM is subject to all the same proble... ANDREW LOCHART Just like email, instant messages can be used as evidence in a legal case. So it pays to make sure y... ED GOLOD The mark of solitude is silence, as speech is the mark of community. Silence and speech have the sam... DIETRICH BONHOEFFER 35. God is entitled to a portion of our income—not because He needs it but because we need to give... JAMES C. DOBSON Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it SARA SHEPARD Freedom of speech as I define it is more than a right granted by government. It's a process that eac... T.J. KIRK Thinking about free speech brought me to media regulation, as Americans access so much of their poli... MARVIN AMMORI Political correctness is simply a speed bump in the traffic of truth, free thought and speech. SOURCE UNKNOWN Language signifies when instead of copying thought it lets itself be taken apart and put together ag... MAURICE MERLEAU-PONTY It is what it is, and it ain't nothin' else... Everything is clearly, openly, plainly delive... DAN FLAVIN With '10,000,' our aim was to make a film that was entertaining and a roller-coaster ride; i... STEVEN STRAIT Tell your story to the universe and Let your actions speak LOVE.' No matter what it is. NAPZ CHERUB PELLAZO Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance ev... KARL R. POPPER This case presents the tension between property rights and speech. When disclosure also presents a m... IAN BALLON To be honest, there are no problems between me and Messi. People have their own opinions about who t... CRISTIANO RONALDO Language is legislation, speech is its code. We do not see the power which is in speech because we f... ROLAND BARTHES The true use of speech is not so much to express our wants as to conceal them OLIVER GOLDSMITH The true use of speech is not so much to express our wants as to conceal them. OLIVER GOLDSMITH You know, I don't think my music is important, I don't think it's changing the world, I ... SUFJAN STEVENS Life is not all about sticking or stopping your thoughts to old memories but LIFE STARTS when you st... NEHA KOTHARI i know im not the girl you wanted. not the one you want to hear from. but what you see is what you g... SIMI GREWAL Are we sure it is desirable for a man's spirit not to be at war with itself, or that it is better to... WILLIAM SAROYAN George Orwell's contention was that it is a sure sign of trouble when things can no longer be ca... CHRISTOPHER LASCH The point of Political Correctness is not and has never been merely about any of the items that it i... ANGELO CODEVILLA It's always easy to get people to condemn threats to free speech when the speech being threatene... GLENN GREENWALD Freedom of speech and thought matters, especially when it is speech and thought with which we disagr... BEN SHAPIRO I've skewered whites, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, gays, straights, rednecks, a... JEFF DUNHAM Yes! Very funny this terrible thing is. A man that is born falls into a dream like a man who falls i... JOSEPH CONRAD If the best is possible, than good is never enough and only do the best. ROBERT SIAHAAN What is it that makes you so angry, bothers you so deeply, that you're compelled to act? CRAIG GROESCHEL There is a national problem with suppressing free speech at high schools and colleges in the name of... DAVID FRENCH Touch comes before sight, before speech. It is the first language and the last, and it always tells ... MARGARET ATWOOD Islam does not believe in democracy, freedom of speech, freedom of the press, or freedom of assembly... PAULINE HANSON I never like it when a celebrity goes on Twitter and says, 'This isn't true!' It is what... HARRY STYLES The opportunities and the game situation are going to tell the eventual tale of how many attempts he... MIKE SCIOSCIA While we as members of the Coalition strongly support free speech, it is not unlimited free speech. ... DENIS NAPTHINE Few influential people involved with the Internet claim that it is a good in and of itself. It is a ... ESTHER DYSON We're not going to go out and say the waters are safe, but it looks like it's getting there. As far ... KURT TSUE Horror as for me is the best choice, you can gain a lot of. I like to be afraid like to see this shi... DEYTH BANGER Those teens who are less likely to have sexual intercourse are more likely to have had oral sex. We'... JENNIFER MANLOVE You get to the point where you're like, 'I'm just doing me, and if people don't like... BEBE REXHA The Biggest Threat to our Democracy, Freedoms and Future is Leadership that fosters and Appeases the... MICHAEL HARRIS Free speech is against governments, not against the NBA. So the players and coaches and indeed owner... DAVID STERN Hip hop is inherently political, the language is political. It uses language as a weapon -- not a we... TODD BOYD Political correctness does not legislate tolerance; it only organizes hatred. JACQUES BARZUN Political correctness does not legislate tolerance; it only organizes hatred JACQUES BARZUN We want to protect freedom of speech, but it is not unlimited freedom of speech. There has always be... DENIS NAPTHINE Using assistive technology with your child prevents your child from missing out on content solely be... SANDRA K. COOK To have the cognitive abilities to do research and development is vital to a forever expanding world... GARY F EVANS... Yes Im young,We Belong,Love Is Sung,By the peaceful Song...Listen Please, You'll fall to your knees,... NOT YER TYPICAL DORK 32. Before you criticize your parents for their failures and mistakes, ask yourself: “Will I reall... JAMES C. DOBSON The so-called paradox of freedom is the argument that freedom in the sense of absence of any ... KARL R. POPPER The love you get, is equal to the love you give. BEN OAK Because of my language and the pantomime with which most Europeans accompany their speech, I was cat... BELA LUGOSI I saw that there is no Nature, That Nature doesn’t exist, That there are hills, valleys,... ALBERTO CAEIRO Intolerance itself is a form of egoism, and to condemn egoism intolerantly is to share it. GEORGE SANTAYANA Speech is human nature itself, with none of the artificiality of written language. ALFRED NORTH WHITEHEAD Speech is human nature itself, with none of the artificiality of written language ALFRED WHITEHEAD Speech is human nature itself, with none of the artificiality of written language ALFRED NORTH WHITEHEAD It's good that the first half of the speech emphasized freedom, because George W. Bush has been ... ERNEST ISTOOK This bill doesn't contain real reform. Instead, this bill strips citizens of their political rights ... TOM DELAY Advocates of 'free speech' often repeat the mantra that the best response to bad speech is m... JACKSON KATZ Teachers have enough problems as it is. It's sure not positive. BOB HAZEL There is something very wonderful about music. Words are wonderful enough; but music is even more wo... CHARLES KINGSLEY People want the here and now, rather than the there and after; as most are living in the where and w... ANTHONY LICCIONE I wanted to make sure that the environment of the shooting itself was not that controlled, and the w... ATOM EGOYAN A big sacrifice is coming, and you won't have the courage to make it. That will cost you dearly. It ... RICK RIORDAN Action hangs, as it were, dissolved in speech, in thoughts whereof speech is the shadow; and precipi... THOMAS CARLYLE In learning a language, when from mere words we reach the laws of words, we have gained a great deal... RABINDRANATH TAGORE
More George Carlin
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they... GEORGE CARLIN I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. GEORGE CARLIN Electricity is really just organized lightning. GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark. GEORGE CARLIN The status quo sucks. GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as bi... GEORGE CARLIN When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands. GEORGE CARLIN Religion is just mind control. GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. GEORGE CARLIN Always do whatever's next. GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, W... GEORGE CARLIN One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. GEORGE CARLIN Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. GEORGE CARLIN People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don... GEORGE CARLIN Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institution... GEORGE CARLIN What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job! GEORGE CARLIN That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. GEORGE CARLIN If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? GEORGE CARLIN Meow” means “woof” in cat. GEORGE CARLIN Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. GEORGE CARLIN Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reaso... GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. GEORGE CARLIN Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you. GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. GEORGE CARLIN People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'Fo... GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ... GEORGE CARLIN I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuc... GEORGE CARLIN Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches e... GEORGE CARLIN It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, 'Rememb... GEORGE CARLIN How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies. GEORGE CARLIN I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is ... GEORGE CARLIN How is it possible to have a civil war? GEORGE CARLIN The planet is fine. The people are fucked. GEORGE CARLIN We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save ... GEORGE CARLIN We’re so self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. “Save the trees, save the be... GEORGE CARLIN Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will... GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. GEORGE CARLIN I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for ... GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.- GEORGE CARLIN Rhetoric paints with a broad brush. GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. GEORGE CARLIN We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're hav... GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too la... GEORGE CARLIN Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fa... GEORGE CARLIN Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year t... GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook GEORGE CARLIN Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one h... GEORGE CARLIN Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institution... GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. GEORGE CARLIN ... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're ... GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you i... GEORGE CARLIN I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Buil... GEORGE CARLIN Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to t... GEORGE CARLIN Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American be... GEORGE CARLIN I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Ky... GEORGE CARLIN The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is GEORGE CARLIN He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck thi... GEORGE CARLIN There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. GEORGE CARLIN Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. GEORGE CARLIN Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. GEORGE CARLIN 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I ... GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than... GEORGE CARLIN If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked. GEORGE CARLIN Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different.... GEORGE CARLIN Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom GEORGE CARLIN Atheism is a non-prophet organization. GEORGE CARLIN Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience memb... GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She sai... GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. GEORGE CARLIN The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. GEORGE CARLIN At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. GEORGE CARLIN Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the... GEORGE CARLIN Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. GEORGE CARLIN Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. GEORGE CARLIN When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it d... GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body. GEORGE CARLIN Everyone smiles in the same language. GEORGE CARLIN But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the wh... GEORGE CARLIN My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm ... GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it&... GEORGE CARLIN It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class... GEORGE CARLIN I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ... GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she tol... GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things GEORGE CARLIN I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free. GEORGE CARLIN When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the... GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Th... GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning... GEORGE CARLIN Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "Y... GEORGE CARLIN It's never just a game when you're winning. GEORGE CARLIN If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delight... GEORGE CARLIN If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed... GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll b... GEORGE CARLIN I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. GEORGE CARLIN Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dish... GEORGE CARLIN Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. GEORGE CARLIN As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything. GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to... GEORGE CARLIN Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. GEORGE CARLIN Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider! GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that b... GEORGE CARLIN If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him GEORGE CARLIN In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section GEORGE CARLIN If it requires a uniform it's a worthless endeavor GEORGE CARLIN The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elect... GEORGE CARLIN The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of you... GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? GEORGE CARLIN we get what we deserve. They are our elected officials. GEORGE CARLIN When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a ... GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar GEORGE CARLIN Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can... GEORGE CARLIN If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem GEORGE CARLIN In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem. GEORGE CARLIN When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can th... GEORGE CARLIN Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach t... GEORGE CARLIN Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”? GEORGE CARLIN I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with... GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it. GEORGE CARLIN Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, c... GEORGE CARLIN I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves ... GEORGE CARLIN Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. A... GEORGE CARLIN There's also way too much religion in the South to be consistent with good mental health. GEORGE CARLIN So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” And anyone who can’... GEORGE CARLIN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police. GEORGE CARLIN Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. GEORGE CARLIN I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's ... GEORGE CARLIN I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individual... GEORGE CARLIN When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. ... GEORGE CARLIN If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed ... GEORGE CARLIN There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It se... GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten GEORGE CARLIN [On school uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now the... GEORGE CARLIN Life is a series of dogs GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she tol... GEORGE CARLIN So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. GEORGE CARLIN I read that Monica Seles got stabbed. And although I have nothing against Monica Seles, I'm glad som... GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-. GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it daw... GEORGE CARLIN They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it. GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like GEORGE CARLIN Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the ... GEORGE CARLIN I have no emotional stake in Panda fucking. GEORGE CARLIN Jesus was a cross dresser GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth GEORGE CARLIN The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity GEORGE CARLIN What makes me nervous is when I am at an airport and the stewardess says get on the plane. I say fuc... GEORGE CARLIN Most people with low self-esteem have earned it GEORGE CARLIN If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter GEORGE CARLIN If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else GEORGE CARLIN I don't vote. Two reasons. First of all it's meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long ti... GEORGE CARLIN If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? GEORGE CARLIN I believe you can joke about anything. GEORGE CARLIN I'm the creative type, GEORGE CARLIN When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons GEORGE CARLIN Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. GEORGE CARLIN He had a sort of pain that was fairly evident. GEORGE CARLIN Rich White Men Don't Care About Poor Black People GEORGE CARLIN You get to play with people's little danger zones. GEORGE CARLIN 'We hope you enjoy your stay in Chicago or wherever your final destination may be.' All destinations... GEORGE CARLIN When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal wea... GEORGE CARLIN In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first. GEORGE CARLIN In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing GEORGE CARLIN I went straight from shenanigans to cries against humanity GEORGE CARLIN A man came up to me on the street and said I used to be messed up out of my mind on drugs but now I'... GEORGE CARLIN I tell ya, if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer, I think linguistics would have been a... GEORGE CARLIN If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help. GEORGE CARLIN If the Reds were baseball's first team, who did they play? GEORGE CARLIN What if Alexander Graham Bell's name were Alexander Graham Siren? The phone wouldn't ring, it would ... GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that bi... GEORGE CARLIN Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can't... GEORGE CARLIN Everything beeps now GEORGE CARLIN You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic GEORGE CARLIN Think about it, GEORGE CARLIN I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and... GEORGE CARLIN Most people are not particularly good at anything GEORGE CARLIN I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ... GEORGE CARLIN What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30 years,>Read People Magazine your... GEORGE CARLIN One thing i don't understand is sex is legal and selling things is legal but selling sex is illegal. GEORGE CARLIN “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” GEORGE CARLIN If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categ... GEORGE CARLIN Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian. GEORGE CARLIN