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Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member


Groucho Marx

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Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me as a member
SIGMUND FREUD I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to accept Pluto's resignation as a planet.
AMY LEE I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX MWA and The Author's Guild refused to accept me as a member.
M. J. ROSE Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX As a former member of the IRA, I accept all the responsibilities that are due to me. But in terms of...
MARTIN MCGUINNESS I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept our apology for any inconvenience or frustration we may have caused.
ELLEN JONES I privately say to you, old friend... please accept from me this unpretentious bouquet of early-bloo...
J.D. SALINGER I did some mistakes; I accept that - I always accept my mistakes. For sure, we are looking forward t...
PASTOR MALDONADO When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE I don't care to join and club that's prepared to have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I accept my mistake as my own and will work to gain greater understanding and education.
CINDI LAWS If you sit down with me, I guarantee I will accept any terms you offer for a contract.
DAVID O. SELZNICK I realize that much will be asked of me, yet I am resolved to accept it as a great and splendid task...
BEATRIX OF THE NETHERLANDS The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX And they understand that to be an effective member of a democracy, you have to accept responsibility...
DANIEL GREENBERG I only accept your mistakes and flaws to the degree that I accept my own.
VIRONIKA TUGALEVA Give that child to me. I want it. I will care for it. I am willing to accept any child who would be ...
MOTHER TERESA I don't want someone to believe my lies, I need someone to accept my truths.
KELLIE ELMORE The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN Our understanding is that we are going to the boat to accept Mobutu's resignation, nothing less, not...
BIZIMA KARAHA I believe in a religion that believes in freedom. Any time I have to accept a religion that won't le...
MALCOLM X Politics has always been ugly to me, and yet I accept that as a fact of life.
BILLY GRAHAM I want Chinese history to remember me as Carnegie is remembered. I want Chinese people to remember m...
CHEN GUANGBIAO Allow me to be me, accept me as I am. Let me tell you my joys, take pride in my honesty. Listen to m...
JOHN B. BEJO You can call me a pain. I'll accept that as a compliment.
DARRELL ISSA Arab children,
Corn ears of the future,
You will break our chains,
Kill the opium in ...
نزار قباني I am here to accept responsibility for that which I did. I will not accept responsibility for that w...
OLIVER NORTH My son gave me the permission to accept my success.
GARY BURGHOFF We want a constitution that the people will accept and have a greater possibility that the voters wi...
SALEH AL-MUTLAQ I called it a baptism in flaming ink that forced me to shed my shyness about recognizing myself as a...
ABERJHANI I don't want to put that as an excuse. I didn't run and I've got to accept what I did.
ALEX RIOS I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE A great deal of pressure was then built up to remove me from the club and my resignation was, finall...
DAVID R. BROWER Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER After death, I will lose my opportunity to complain so I will accept everything with love.
DEBASISH MRIDHA Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the ...
DR. PAUL TOURNIER I feel it's a huge gift to accept but it really makes me want to tear up the pool.
IAN CROCKER Even as a child, even as my blood-past was drained from me, I understood that if I were strong enoug...
ANNE MICHAELS I don't accept for any officer to even slap a prisoner,
BAYAN JABOR There is an honourable tradition in British public life that those charged with authority at the top...
GAVYN DAVIES Unless I accept my faults, I will most certainly doubt my virtues.
HUGH PRATHER I
know I'm not a threat to society or to Mrs. Ortolano. I want
to be a contributing member ...
ALEX KELLY My father was extremely loving to me and funny and wise and understanding, and at other times extrem...
ANJELICA HUSTON I accept it democratically and will act accordingly, ... I will persist in my career as a politician...
EMILE LAHOUD If you want to be accepted, accept yourself and what you have. Not what you think you feel and what ...
ANN MARIE AGUILAR I was provoked by Tim Cahill and accept that by the rules, my reaction was a red card offense. I wan...
FRANCESC FABREGAS My husband taught me so much about being a father. No matter what any of our children do, my husband...
TASHA SMITH Oh..please dont eat me, I have a wife and three kids...eat them!
HOMER SIMPSON My life is so filled, so if I accept acting work now, it means I have to let somebody else do the jo...
JAMIE LEE CURTIS I been trying to clean up my act with my children for a long time. And I pretty much got them all ta...
DR. JOHN You -- poor and obscure, and small and plain as you are -- I entreat to accept me as a husband.
CHARLOTTE BRONTE One who knows how to show and to accept kindness will be a friend better than any possession.
SOPHOCLES I have to accept risk as a racing driver.
EMERSON FITTIPALDI Don't lie to yourself?
SONYA.E.WILLIAMS I want to belong to you, and I want you to belong to me.
NELY CAB As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
DICK CAVETT I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
WOODY ALLEN I don't believe my clients will accept mediation in this matter.
BILL WEST They used to but not any more. You kind of get used to it - you accept it is part of your job - if y...
CHARLOTTE CHURCH I will accept no commission that would tend to create a rivalry with Grant. I want him to hold what ...
WILLIAM T. SHERMAN I will accept no commission that would tend to create a rivalry with Grant. I want him to hold what ...
WILLIAM TECUMSEH SHERMAN This is not about my prerogatives and absolutely not about me as a person, ... It is about my party'...
GERHARD SCHROEDER Iran will not immediately accept any proposal. It is in Iran's interest to buy time.
IVAN SAFRANCHUK Nobody will ever accept any withdrawal from what we have achieved.
GAMILA ISMAIL I want to be the best. So whatever comes with that, I have to accept it.
SIDNEY CROSBY I don't doll myself up for TV because I want people to accept me for who I am.
JOHN CENA I understand that by a close vote, you have nominated me to run for the U.S. Senate, and I want you ...
WALTER MONDALE I accept you as you are, and I will always hold you close in my heart. I will walk beside you foreve...
SHERRILYN KENYON Instead of asking yourself what happened, just accept that it happened. Grant me the serenity to acc...
GILLIAN FLYNN As to pay, Sir, I beg leave to assure the Congress that as no pecuniary consideration could have te...
GEORGE WASHINGTON It takes a lot of guts to come out to your friends and family. For most gay people, coming out is th...
MARTINA NAVRATILOVA I can accept the theory of relativity as little as I can accept the existence of atoms.
ERNST MACH As the universe accepted our show, more people began to accept me.
JAI RODRIGUEZ It's very important to me that people accept me as a transgendered female. But it's ridiculo...
ALEXIS ARQUETTE I was negotiating a contract to accept Jesus as my personal savior, but he refused to recognize my f...
AL MEDWIN I literally hate it when somebody tries to try to get me to not love the person I want to always be ...
TOMMY POLO [Earlier Thursday, on NBC's] Today ... want to take any votes that do not belong to me.
PAT BUCHANAN History will never accept difficulties as an excuse.
JOHN FITZGERALD KENNEDY To completely understand me you must first accept that I am not you.
ROSS CALIGIURI I want to be the best, so whatever comes with that, I'll have to accept.
SIDNEY CROSBY It is clear to me that the statute takes away any of my discretion as a member of that commission to...
BOB CRAWFORD We refuse to accept the results from these so-called elections. We will not accept (the winners) as ...
KRISHNA SITAULA If you accept mass production, you accept that a small number of people will supervise the daily exi...
JERRY MANDER A dark side is there, but now I think light is beginning to shine. Hopefully someday God will accept...
DENNIS RADER

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
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GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
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How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX