People think.....
I'm skinny, but I'm really chunky.
I'm cheap, but I'm really thrifty.
I'm blonde, but I'm really a brunette.
I'm nosey, but I'm really curious.

Some people call me Mike, you can call me tonight.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available.

I wonder, we lazy people go to heaven... or do they send someone to pick us up?