Para Amy, o amor era como drogas, álcool e pornografia: não havia limite. Cada exposiçao precisava ser mais intensa que a última para alcançar o mesmo resultado.

I put on a skirt and blouse for the meeting, feeling dwarfy, my grown up, big-girl clothes never quite fitting. I'm barely five foot -- four foot, ten inches in truth, but I round up. Sue me. I'm thirty-one, but people tend to talk to me in singsong, like they want to give me fingerpaints.

I wanted to slice barren into my skin. That’s how I’d stay, my insides unused. Empty and pristine. I pictured my pelvis split open, to reveal a tidy hollow, like the nest of a vanished animal.

A molta gente manca questo dono, la capacità di capire quando deve levarsi dai coglioni. Alla gente piace parlare, e io non sono mai stato un gran chiacchierone. Porto avanti un monologo interiore, ma spesso le parole non arrivano alle labbra. Com'è carina lei oggi, posso pensare, ma per qualche motivo non lo dico ad alta voce. Mia madre parlava, mia sorella parla. Crescendo, mi sono abituato ad ascoltare. Dunque starmene seduto sul divano da solo, in silenzio, mi pareva un lusso.

It had turned me into a knee-jerk suckup to authority. Mom, Dad, teachers: Whatever makes your job easier, sir or madam. I craved a constant stream of approval. ‘You’d literally lie, cheat, and steal – hell, kill – to convince people you are a good guy,’ Go once said.

I lack formal education. So I'm left with the feeling that I'm smarter than everyone around me but that if I ever got around really smart people—people who went to universities and drank wine and spoke Latin—that they’d be bored as hell by me. It’s a lonely way to go through life.