Opportunity knocked. My doorman threw him out.

Living in a vacuum sucks.

If the shoe fits, it's too expensive.

Shopping is better than sex. If you're not satisfied after shopping you can make an exchange for something you really like.

Not only is life a bitch, but it is always having puppies.

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.