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One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke.


Mark Twain

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Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.
SOURCE UNKNOWN Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.
F. SCOTT FITZGERALD If you want to meet Mark Twain, all you have to do is use your brain!
STEVE RAY COLLINS [She was] like an exclamation mark in human form.
JENNA EVANS WELCH Use lots of exclamation points. They love to be overused.
S.A.R.K. Writing is like getting married. One should never commit oneself until one is amazed at one's luck.
IRIS MURDOCH It is curious-curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so r...
MARK TWAIN Writing is like getting married. One should never commit oneself until one is amazed at one's lu...
IRIS MURDOCH Mark Twain.
FRIENDS There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happend. -Mark Twain.
MARK TWAIN It's always nice to end your sentences with an exclamation mark, and not a comma.
JOEY SANTIAGO When I become president, I will pas a law in which a person may only use one exclamation mark per mo...
NATHAN ELMO MELO Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and like Twain, we'll li...
DICK VAN DYKE Mark Twain: A Life
RON POWERS Mark Twain and I are in the same position. We have put things in such a way as to make people, who w...
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and like Twain, we'l...
DICK VAN DYKE Mark Twain cannot be defined.
HAL HOLBROOK We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there; les...
MARK TWAIN To paraphrase Mark Twain, our demise is greatly exaggerated.
CHRIS DONLAY Mark Twain is as big as America. He really is.
VAL KILMER Even as she'd been writing it, she wondered if she was using too many exclamation marks, but she was...
DEREK LANDY All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn. American w...
ERNEST HEMINGWAY The best stories in our culture have some sort of subversiveness - Mark Twain, 'Catcher in the R...
MATT GROENING Mark Twain had a way of telling stories that shifts your consciousness away from labels.
VAL KILMER All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called "Huckleberry Finn."
ERNEST HEMINGWAY People complain about my exclamation points, but I honestly think that's the way people think. I...
TOM WOLFE Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you...
MARK TWAIN I read from Mark Twain's lips one or two of his good stories. He has his own way of thinking, saying...
HELEN KELLER His head was an hour-glass; it could stow an idea, but it had to do it a grain at a time, not the wh...
MARK TWAIN I agree with what Mark Twain said - we're all mad at night.
RUTH RENDELL A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time whe...
SHORT QUOTES I deem myself as intellectual and analytical as much as I can but still never miss the chance to goo...
GENEREUX PHILIP This world is a joke, and I'm in it
OLIWAH GOUDEE The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these:...
MARK TWAIN Is he laughing with you or at you? If you have to ask then likely your being laughed at
BRENT M. JONES In [The Mysterious Stranger, Mark Twain] proves to his own grim satisfaction, and to mine as ...
KURT VONNEGUT Why should we save them? It's part of the historical legacy of California. They were made famous by ...
MARC HAYES I grew up reading Shakespeare and Mark Twain.
JACKSON BROWNE The world should really try laughing more often, no matter how dark the joke is. The world is dark e...
J C A ROWE If a condescending joke is truly funny, make yourself the subject- you will increase the number of p...
JOE HARSEL We have to find a way to replace the question mark following Idaho with an exclamation mark,
GEORGE KENNEDY Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.
MARK TWAIN Human beings can be awful cruel to one another.
MARK TWAIN The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, ...
MARK TWAIN If you've spent any time trolling the blogosphere, you've probably noticed a peculiar literary trend...
CHUCK KLOSTERMAN It’s about running wild in a field of exclamation points chasing question marks
NATASHA TSAKOS The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do wh...
MARK TWAIN 2003 began with a question mark and ended with an exclamation point.
ANDY BRYANT Mark Twain gave us an insight into the life on the Mississippi at the turn of the century.
BOB NEWHART The way you live your day is a sentence in the story of your life. Each day you make the choice whet...
STEVE MARABOLI I, Mark Twain being of sound mind, have spent everything
MARK TWAIN Writing the story of your own life is a bit like drilling your own teeth.
GLORIA SWANSON Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
MARK TWAIN A conspiracy is nothing but a secret agreement of a number of men for the pursuance of policies whic...
OSSIP GABRILOWITSCH Aging is a matter of mind. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
ANONYMOUS Honesty: The best of all the lost arts.
MARK TWAIN You can find in a text whatever you bring, if you will stand between it and the mirror of you imagin...
MARK TWAIN We only live once, but once is enough if we do it right. Live your life with class, dignity, and sty...
GARY RYAN BLAIR Because we had changed the format, I was actually the one who suggested we should just give everyone...
GENE ANGELILLO Mark Twain put it best when he said, 'Reports of my demise are greatly exaggerated,
BILL BRADLEY A kiss can be a comma, a question mark, or an exclamation point.
MISTINGUETT Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
CULLEN HIGHTOWER Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it!
UNKNOWN Mark Twain said, 'The right word is to the nearly right word as lightning is to the lightning bu...
ROBERT LITTELL I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.
SPIKE MILLIGAN Lauren is always the loudest, funniest person in the room. She enjoys talking and getting people lau...
ASHLEY PELZEK Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It was so poorly made, ants...
SCOTT ROEBEN What I will say is the retirement thing is something I've been laughing at, you should be laughing a...
ALLAN HOUSTON Confound it, it's foolish, Tom
MARK TWAIN I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.
DAVE ATTELL Doubt is a question mark; faith is an exclamation point. The most compelling, believable, realistic ...
CRISS JAMI There is nothing like a live performance. You can look at things on television, and you can look at ...
LONI LOVE Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.
KINKY FRIEDMAN As one of the first editors at 'Outside' magazine in 1975, it was my contention that most Am...
TIM CAHILL East Mims was for blacks, west was for white, and never the twain should meet.
FRANK BEISLER Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.
KINKY FRIEDMAN I guess it's sort of this naive character that I play. I also do a velociraptor, a dinosaur from the...
TOM CLARK Jordan was yelling 'I don't want you to go anywhere near him'. I thought it was a joke and started l...
CHELSEA JOHNSON [March 25 -] Songs and Stories for Everybody ... the Mark Twain of contemporary kids' music.
BILL HARLEY When you use words, you're able to keep your mind alive. Writing is my way of reaffirming my own exi...
GAO XINGJIAN Thoughts are like arrows: once released, they strike their mark. Guard them well or one day you may ...
AMERICAN INDIAN PROVERB I first read 'Tom Sawyer' when I was in 8th grade, 13 years old. I realised since that Mark ...
JEFF NICHOLS Consider well the proportion of things. It is better to be a young June bug, than an old bird of par...
MARK TWAIN Not everybody should be laughing at everything at the same time. That's not even natural. My thi...
PATRICE O'NEAL If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
MARK TWAIN A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
MARK TWAIN A joke was not a single-use item but something you brought out again and again until it fell apart i...
DAVID NICHOLLS He (Holbrook) said he has one of the first Mark Twain costumes he wore on stage and was saving it un...
LEE WARREN I never like it when a celebrity goes on Twitter and says, 'This isn't true!' It is what...
HARRY STYLES Comedy is so subjective. You could be in a room with 400 people laughing at a joke and you could jus...
TODD PHILLIPS F. Scott Fitzgerald believed inserting exclamation points was the literary equivalent of an author l...
CHUCK KLOSTERMAN If it wasn't for the Mark Twain Masquers, I don't know where my life would have gone.
PETER FALK I like writing my own material - I'm pretty good at it.
JACKEE HARRY It takes two for a kiss Only one for a sigh, Twain by twain we marry One by one we die.
FREDERIC LAWRENCE KNOWLES One day in the bluest of summer weather, Sketching under a whispering oak, I heard five boboli...
CHRISTOPHER PEARCE CRANCH When you use words, you're able to keep your mind alive. Writing is my way of reaffirming my own...
GAO XINGJIAN Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most [borrowed from Mark Twain]
GERARD WAY She wrote to him fairly regularly, from a paradise of triple exclamation points and inaccurate obser...
J.D. SALINGER Life has a whimsical way of kicking you in the throat. I find it to
be one huge cosmic joke at ...
LORI GOLDSON

More Mark Twain

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
MARK TWAIN My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
MARK TWAIN Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.
MARK TWAIN It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure tha...
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MARK TWAIN I never let schooling interfere with my education.
MARK TWAIN Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
MARK TWAIN Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
MARK TWAIN The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed rig...
MARK TWAIN There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.
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MARK TWAIN Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here firs...
MARK TWAIN But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one...
MARK TWAIN The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
MARK TWAIN The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
MARK TWAIN Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of ti...
MARK TWAIN It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
MARK TWAIN The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
MARK TWAIN The lack of money is the root of all evil.
MARK TWAIN Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
MARK TWAIN Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.
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MARK TWAIN Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired.
MARK TWAIN Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
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MARK TWAIN Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
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MARK TWAIN Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
MARK TWAIN The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
MARK TWAIN Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
MARK TWAIN I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.
MARK TWAIN The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
MARK TWAIN All generalizations are false, including this one.
MARK TWAIN 'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
MARK TWAIN The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a ba...
MARK TWAIN The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
MARK TWAIN Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
MARK TWAIN I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
MARK TWAIN Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
MARK TWAIN If I owned half of that dog, I would shoot my half.
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MARK TWAIN When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. B...
MARK TWAIN When you have prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned results which follow victorymu...
MARK TWAIN The teacher reminded us that Romes liberties were not auctioned off in a day, but were bought slowly...
MARK TWAIN By his father he is English, by his mother he is Americanto my mind the blend which makes the perfec...
MARK TWAIN So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldnt find honest employment.
MARK TWAIN The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They looked curiously at the costumes...
MARK TWAIN We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in itand stop there; lest w...
MARK TWAIN The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large mattertis the diff...
MARK TWAIN Say the report is exaggerated.
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MARK TWAIN To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature Congressman.
MARK TWAIN I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than ...
MARK TWAIN A myriad of men are born; they labor and sweat and struggle; ...they squabble and scold and fight; t...
MARK TWAIN Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the st...
MARK TWAIN Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born --a hundred mi...
MARK TWAIN Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to...
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MARK TWAIN Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
MARK TWAIN All say, How hard it is that we have to die -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people...
MARK TWAIN Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find...
MARK TWAIN Write without pay until somebody offers to pay you. If nobody offers within three years, sawing wood...
MARK TWAIN As to the adjective, when in doubt strike it out.
MARK TWAIN I am admonished in many ways that time is pushing me inexorably along. I am approaching the threshol...
MARK TWAIN Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than...
MARK TWAIN The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without burst...
MARK TWAIN When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
MARK TWAIN All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
MARK TWAIN The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do wh...
MARK TWAIN To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand ...
MARK TWAIN Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
MARK TWAIN It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal...
MARK TWAIN Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired
MARK TWAIN It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help.
MARK TWAIN Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
MARK TWAIN Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting...
MARK TWAIN To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.
MARK TWAIN Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.
MARK TWAIN The church is always trying to get other people to reform; it might not be a bad idea to reform itse...
MARK TWAIN Stars are good too. I wish I could get some to put in my hair. But I suppose I never can. You would ...
MARK TWAIN There are German songs which can make a stranger to the language cry.
MARK TWAIN The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things tha...
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MARK TWAIN Necessity is the mother of "taking chances"
MARK TWAIN Distance lends enchantment to the view
MARK TWAIN Be good and you will be lonesome.
MARK TWAIN Chastity - you can carry it too far
MARK TWAIN To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler--and less trouble.
MARK TWAIN Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in it...
MARK TWAIN Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
MARK TWAIN When you cannot get a compliment in any other way pay yourself one.
MARK TWAIN There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many...
MARK TWAIN Never learn to do anything. If you don't learn, you will always find someone else to do it for you.
MARK TWAIN I can't do literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and lookin...
MARK TWAIN Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would...
MARK TWAIN Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relati...
MARK TWAIN Wit and Humor -- if any difference, it is in duration -- lightning and electric light. Same material...
MARK TWAIN Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no...
MARK TWAIN There is a great deal of human nature in people.
MARK TWAIN If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance.
MARK TWAIN There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
MARK TWAIN The human race was always interesting and we know by its past that it will always continue so, monot...
MARK TWAIN Man is a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
MARK TWAIN Such is the human race. Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat...
MARK TWAIN It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts th...
MARK TWAIN Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement,...
MARK TWAIN Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money of t...
MARK TWAIN Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.
MARK TWAIN Man is the only creature who has a nasty mind.
MARK TWAIN We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks, if we agree with him.
MARK TWAIN O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover th...
MARK TWAIN A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be lead by the nose.
MARK TWAIN Happiness ain't a thing in itself --it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so,...
MARK TWAIN There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one: keep from telling their happiness to...
MARK TWAIN I repeat, sir, that in whatever position you place a woman she is an ornament to society and a treas...
MARK TWAIN Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. The conviction of the rich...
MARK TWAIN Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide i...
MARK TWAIN Let us be grateful to Adam, our benefactor. He cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us...
MARK TWAIN Intellectual work is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward.
MARK TWAIN Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.
MARK TWAIN I do not like work even when someone else does it.
MARK TWAIN Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and play consists of whatever a body is not oblig...
MARK TWAIN Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth.
MARK TWAIN Truth is neither alive nor dead; it just aggravates itself all the time.
MARK TWAIN No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.
MARK TWAIN We had the sky up there, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss whether th...
MARK TWAIN Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True ...
MARK TWAIN When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.
MARK TWAIN Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know.
MARK TWAIN Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
MARK TWAIN We need not worry so much about what man descends from; it's what he descends to that shames the hum...
MARK TWAIN There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.
MARK TWAIN I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- except he...
MARK TWAIN There was never a century nor a country that was short of experts who knew the Deity's mind and were...
MARK TWAIN People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases.
MARK TWAIN My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine -- everybody drinks water.
MARK TWAIN A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razor strap. A thin book is useful to stick under a table ...
MARK TWAIN When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man's moral constitution and make a te...
MARK TWAIN In statesmanship get the formalities right, never mind about the moralities.
MARK TWAIN Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.
MARK TWAIN The lack of money is the root of all evils.
MARK TWAIN His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.
MARK TWAIN Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: The one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures...
MARK TWAIN All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. ...
MARK TWAIN Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. Traini...
MARK TWAIN We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only m...
MARK TWAIN There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular is providence.
MARK TWAIN It is by the goodness of God that we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech...
MARK TWAIN There isn't a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American.
MARK TWAIN War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has no...
MARK TWAIN There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhe...
MARK TWAIN To arrive at a just estimate of a renowned man's character one must judge it by the standards of his...
MARK TWAIN One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
MARK TWAIN A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught.
MARK TWAIN A lie can run around the world six times while the truth is still trying to put on its pants.
MARK TWAIN I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, b...
MARK TWAIN The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.
MARK TWAIN A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversati...
MARK TWAIN Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expe...
MARK TWAIN Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employ a million.
MARK TWAIN It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.
MARK TWAIN Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. Except a creature be part cowar...
MARK TWAIN Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself
MARK TWAIN When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man aro...
MARK TWAIN Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
MARK TWAIN It was the schoolboy who said, Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
MARK TWAIN Never let formal education get in the way of your learning.
MARK TWAIN There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it ...
MARK TWAIN I've never let my school interfere with my education.
MARK TWAIN In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in al...
MARK TWAIN Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).
MARK TWAIN If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal di...
MARK TWAIN A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going...
MARK TWAIN Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiment...
MARK TWAIN Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the ca...
MARK TWAIN If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the r...
MARK TWAIN The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a...
MARK TWAIN Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its...
MARK TWAIN The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
MARK TWAIN Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the reall...
MARK TWAIN If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
MARK TWAIN ′Classic′ - a book which people praise and don't read.
MARK TWAIN Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.
MARK TWAIN I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
MARK TWAIN The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.
MARK TWAIN Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Trut...
MARK TWAIN Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
MARK TWAIN A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
MARK TWAIN All right, then, I'll go to hell.
MARK TWAIN The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.
MARK TWAIN Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
MARK TWAIN If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.
MARK TWAIN To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.
MARK TWAIN Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it ...
MARK TWAIN Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
MARK TWAIN Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.
MARK TWAIN Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
MARK TWAIN I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.
MARK TWAIN