One does not simply ring Roland."
Oh boy. I supposed I would get a lecture on the dangers of wandering into Mordor next.

His beard was nonexistent, except for a carefully trimmed goatee that met his mustache on both sides of his mouth.

The overall effect was decidedly villainous. He needed a black horse and a barbarian horde to lead. That or a crew of cutthroats, a ship with blood-red sails, and some knucklehead heroine to lust after.

“Look, I’ve had a bad day. How about you just walk away from my Jeep?”
The volhv smiled wider, flashing even white teeth.

If he started stroking his beard, I’d have to kill him on principle.“He raised his hand to his goatee.
That does it.
“Yeah. And what’s with the beard and the horse mane? You look like Rent-a-Villain.

If you come back to me, I'll never leave you", I whispered into the furry ear. "I'll make you all the pies you could ever eat.

Ready to put your claws where your mouth is, or are you going to cringe behind the big boys and yip all day?"
His eyes flared yellow "Is that a challenge?"
"Yes it is.

The door swung open and Kate walked in. Her jeans and T-shirt were splattered with blood and she was carrying a severed vampire head. The T-shirt has a smiley face on it.

The stairs ended. I wished I knew the jackass who’d made the staircase so short. I’d throw him down the damn steps so he could count them with his head.