Of course, in Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don't have cars, so if you want to kill a person, you have to take the subway to their house. And sometimes on the way, the train is delayed and you get impatient, so you have to kill someone on the subway. That's why there are so many subway murders; no one has a car.
George Carlin
Related I love getting on the subway because you get on the car, and you see the entire human race represent... TIM DALY You Have Seen the Cure for Cancer Many Times, Even Right Now! So the Problem is Not Finding a Cure, ... THEHEALTHFOODGURU In Toronto, I grew up taking a subway, I grew up taking a bus. I spent my formative adult years in N... ENRICO COLANTONI One of the beauties of B2B is that there is a finite number of customers. So the marketing costs are... WILLIAM FUNG When you read a supernatural suspense story or a ghost story, or a horror story, the evil at play is... MICHAEL KORYTA I moved to New York when I was 10, from Rio de Janeiro. So there was no need for driving: I took the... JORDANA BREWSTER In New York you can just walk out and be among people. You're on the subway among people, you go... ZOE KAZAN The love you get, is equal to the love you give. BEN OAK I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES if it doesn't come bursting out of you in spite of everything, don't do it. unless it... CHARLES BUKOWSKI Why is it," he said, one time, at the subway entrance, "I feel I've known you so many years?" "... RAY BRADBURY The unknown makes people uncomfortable. And even living in a city that's as cosmopolitan as New ... HOLLY HUNTER In New York, you've got Donald Trump, Woody Allen, a crack addict and a regular Joe, and they... ETHAN HAWKE When I was little, I had concerts on the subway, and old ladies came up to me like, 'You are so ... ZARA LARSSON It will be so much more convenient. I think a lot of people will take the train to games. When we li... GREG RUBIN When you're on the subway in New York, people literally could be 11-inches away from you, and yo... AARON YOO Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the st... TERRY PRATCHETT Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the st... TERRY PRATCHETT The best thing you can do for your kids is to show them God working in you on a daily basis. CRAIG GROESCHEL You should have to pass an IQ test before you breed. You have to take a driving test to operate vehi... MARILYN MANSON New York is a city of conversations overheard, of people at the next restaurant table (micrometers a... WILLIAM E. GEIST Have we forgotten how to communicate? If you have someones number, why do you write them on FB to as... NERISSA IRVING I have the right to remain violente. Everything I say can and will be used against you. EMINEM You release the pain of the past and press on. It's a new day, and God is doing a new thing. He want... CRAIG GROESCHEL We are growing from a cheerful small town where everyone waves off their front porch to the subway o... JIMMY WALES To kill a mockingbird. If you haven't read it, I think you should because it is very interesting. STEPHEN CHBOSKY You don't have to learn much out of books, it's like if you want to learn about cows, you go milk on... HARPER LEE You can't really get to know a person until you get in their shoes and walk around in them. HARPER LEE So you see, I already have everything I want. And what do you get the man who has everything? Why, y... JAMES SCHANNEP Take the bus or the subway if you are in a big city, ... Don't use the shower so long. Don't use the... STEPHANE DION Not everyone has the time to be normal. LJUPKA CVETANOVA With so many people in the world i am confident in saying, if you connect with someone on a soul lev... NIKKI ROWE I try to preserve whatever balance society has between public and personal life. I never try to eat ... ALEX KARPOVSKY Without someone speaking into your life and keeping you on track with the things you believe, you ha... CRAIG GROESCHEL I live in New York, and I love New York as well, but I think Los Angeles is a place where if you hav... GRETA GERWIG If someone approaches you on the street or on the subway, and flatters you by saying, 'You've got th... JODIE BERNSTEIN I take the subway all the time here in New York. I love people watching and trying to figure out eve... SHERRI SHEPHERD Learning operatic roles is ongoing, and I find that I can learn on the train or subway, during a man... RENEE FLEMING I love the life in New York. New York has an excitement about it. You have so many people, so many d... PAULA CREAMER I don't know if I have a favorite color. KATE MIDDLETON It's very special having a new little girl. KATE MIDDLETON The rule is that if they have a weapon and want to take you someplace else, it is so they can kill y... LAURELL K. HAMILTON Sometimes, particularly in summers in New York, I have tried to write in shorts or with no shirt on ... ALAN BENNETT To have the cognitive abilities to do research and development is vital to a forever expanding world... GARY F EVANS... 'The Food Network' was just starting in New York, and I was getting lots of attention from M... BOBBY FLAY I love New York, I love the smell of New York... I love the subway. HAROLD FORD, JR. I can't see why someone with their financial house in order would want one of those loans. People wh... DAVID MCKAY And I told him, I said: "One day you're going to miss the subway because it's not going to come. One... C. JOYBELL C. Most people's car last longer than their marriage. WHY? For instance in Germany, the government made... PATIENCE JOHNSON I have a dream, I have a vision, I have a mission, I have to do something, I will do this at this ti... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Friendship is a double-edged sword one side it can be great and true but the other side it spells be... GARY F EVANS... Spelling is very easy to practice yourself whereas signing is not. So I would sit on the subway ridi... RICHARD MASUR Adrenaline wants to kill you... DEYTH BANGER Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I... DEREK LANDY You don't look at each other on the subway. SIMON PEGG When someone calls you up and says, 'I got a great apartment in such and such a place,' you can go r... JONAS RUDOFSKY There's that stigma about New Yorkers, how they're so mean, but in my experience it was quit... TAYLOR KITSCH Congratulations, to the people which made gotham series, still need some more and extra work! DEYTH BANGER Fox never really wanted a Subway Series, ... There are plenty of transplanted New Yorkers in Kansas ... DAVID MILLER This feels great for someone from New York. I took the subway here today. I am home. BARRY ROHRSSEN One good thing about New York is that most people function daily while in a low-grade depression. It... MINDY KALING You have enough time to do everything God wants you to do. CRAIG GROESCHEL Time is so important.'so spend time doing something that you love.' make the most of it and Let the ... NAPZ CHERUB PELLAZO Why does a person even get up in the morning? You have breakfast, you floss your teeth so you'll hav... BARBARA KINGSOLVER How should I know?" said Alice, surprised at her own courage. "It's no business of mine." The Q... LEWIS CARROLL People born in Queens, raised to say that each morning they get on the subway and "go to the city," ... JIMMY BRESLIN People are more laid back and live life a little slower in Winchester. In New York (and now Los Ange... MATT LONG No one is asking what happened to all the homeless. No one cares, because it's easier to get on ... RICHARD LINKLATER Certainly what happened to the dinosaurs was not good - that was a terrible day for the dinosaurs, v... CARRIE NUGENT I sometimes read on the subway, but I'm a hopeless eavesdropper and get easily distracted by str... J. COURTNEY SULLIVAN There are so many rules in Judaism, and if you get into them and you get obsessed and you have the k... MATISYAHU I get recognised sometimes. But I just live my life. I get on the bus, I get on the subway, it's... JOAN ALLEN I think it's romantic when someone offers me a seat on the subway. [Carrie] SEX AND THE CITY I've been working on 'The New York Times' crossword puzzle on the subway. I can make it ... EDDIE KAYE THOMAS I don't want to take names, but there are some people who get everything served on a platter. Th... NAWAZUDDIN SIDDIQUI I just think you have to focus on what got you here. In the playoffs there are so many upsets in the... ED PULTZ Be not be discourage by the rejections. Do not stop because of anxiety; stop because you are done wi... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Do not be discourage by people who reject your true purpose. Do not stop because of anxiety; stop be... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Well, if they are trying to kill you, on the whole they're the people you have to kill, aren'... JOHN KEEGAN I'm not sure if you can blame everything on the American way of life, but the United States are ... STEPHEN MALKMUS The most successful Subway customers, of course, are the ones who can't keep their hands off the... MALLORY ORTBERG Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you... C. JOYBELL C. Wake up to a brand new day and realize why you woke up to meet the day! Live to the end of another d... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Here is one fact 1 minute to finish the class, 1 day to die, one day behind that fact, one day in th... DEYTH BANGER If you are strong and fighting the weak, then if you kill your opponent, then you are a scoundrel...... MARTIN VAN CREVELD I have a large collection of town cars because when I was just a snipe in the gutter, growing up in ... CLIVE CUSSLER It's definitely frustrating when you have that many penalties to kill. But on the same hand, we kind... ROBERT ESCHE Right now we're at war, and then you have Hurricane Katrina, where there are people on roofs screami... ELI ROTH People get comfortable with the way you arethey have formed their opinion of you based on everythi... , I GOT THIS: HOW I CHANGED MY WAYS AND LOST WHAT WEIGHED ME DOWN, 2012 To learn, sometimes you have to feel the fool. JEFFREY FRY I'm not like most designers, who have to set sail on an exotic getaway to get inspired. Most of ... ALEXANDER WANG I am often asked how it is that I am able to value people to such a deep degree. Apparently, I exhib... C. JOYBELL C. Most schooling is training for stupidity and conformity, and that's institutional, but occasionally ... NOAM CHOMSKY You lose so many material possessions being on the road. You can't get too attached to stuff. And yo... BRIAN MOLKO The ocean swells around us. Sometimes, we are in a bowl of water and sometimes on the top of the lip... LEXIS DE ROTHSCHILD Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take... WARREN BUFFETT Your life depends on a random stranger who could kill you, will probably disrespect you, and will mo... GUSTAVO ARELLANO I enjoy the course and the town and I feel ready to go. Sometimes just driving in the front gate of ... MARK MCNULTY People who want to understand democracy should spend less time in the library with Aristotle and mor... SIMEON STRUNSKY People who want to understand democracy should spend less time in the library with Aristotle and mor... SIMEON STRUNSKY
More George Carlin
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they... GEORGE CARLIN I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. GEORGE CARLIN Electricity is really just organized lightning. GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark. GEORGE CARLIN The status quo sucks. GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as bi... GEORGE CARLIN When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands. GEORGE CARLIN Religion is just mind control. GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. GEORGE CARLIN Always do whatever's next. GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, W... GEORGE CARLIN One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. GEORGE CARLIN Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. GEORGE CARLIN People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don... GEORGE CARLIN Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institution... GEORGE CARLIN What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job! GEORGE CARLIN That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. GEORGE CARLIN If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? GEORGE CARLIN Meow” means “woof” in cat. GEORGE CARLIN Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. GEORGE CARLIN Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reaso... GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. GEORGE CARLIN Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you. GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. GEORGE CARLIN People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'Fo... GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ... GEORGE CARLIN I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuc... GEORGE CARLIN Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches e... GEORGE CARLIN It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, 'Rememb... GEORGE CARLIN How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies. GEORGE CARLIN I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is ... GEORGE CARLIN How is it possible to have a civil war? GEORGE CARLIN The planet is fine. The people are fucked. GEORGE CARLIN We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save ... GEORGE CARLIN We’re so self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. “Save the trees, save the be... GEORGE CARLIN Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will... GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. GEORGE CARLIN I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for ... GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.- GEORGE CARLIN Rhetoric paints with a broad brush. GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. GEORGE CARLIN We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're hav... GEORGE CARLIN Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too la... GEORGE CARLIN Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fa... GEORGE CARLIN Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year t... GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook GEORGE CARLIN Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one h... GEORGE CARLIN Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institution... GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. GEORGE CARLIN ... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're ... GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you i... GEORGE CARLIN I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Buil... GEORGE CARLIN Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to t... GEORGE CARLIN Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American be... GEORGE CARLIN I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Ky... GEORGE CARLIN The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is GEORGE CARLIN He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck thi... GEORGE CARLIN There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. GEORGE CARLIN Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. GEORGE CARLIN Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. GEORGE CARLIN Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. GEORGE CARLIN 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I ... GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than... GEORGE CARLIN If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked. GEORGE CARLIN Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different.... GEORGE CARLIN Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom GEORGE CARLIN Atheism is a non-prophet organization. GEORGE CARLIN Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience memb... GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She sai... GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. GEORGE CARLIN The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. GEORGE CARLIN At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. GEORGE CARLIN Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the... GEORGE CARLIN Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. GEORGE CARLIN Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. GEORGE CARLIN When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it d... GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body. GEORGE CARLIN Everyone smiles in the same language. GEORGE CARLIN But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the wh... GEORGE CARLIN My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm ... GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it&... GEORGE CARLIN It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class... GEORGE CARLIN I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ... GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she tol... GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things GEORGE CARLIN I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free. GEORGE CARLIN When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the... GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Th... GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning... GEORGE CARLIN Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "Y... GEORGE CARLIN It's never just a game when you're winning. GEORGE CARLIN If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delight... GEORGE CARLIN If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed... GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll b... GEORGE CARLIN I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. GEORGE CARLIN Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dish... GEORGE CARLIN Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. GEORGE CARLIN As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything. GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to... GEORGE CARLIN Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. GEORGE CARLIN Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider! GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that b... GEORGE CARLIN If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him GEORGE CARLIN In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section GEORGE CARLIN If it requires a uniform it's a worthless endeavor GEORGE CARLIN The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elect... GEORGE CARLIN The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of you... GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? GEORGE CARLIN we get what we deserve. They are our elected officials. GEORGE CARLIN When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a ... GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar GEORGE CARLIN Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can... GEORGE CARLIN If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem GEORGE CARLIN In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem. GEORGE CARLIN When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can th... GEORGE CARLIN Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach t... GEORGE CARLIN Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”? GEORGE CARLIN I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with... GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it. GEORGE CARLIN Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, c... GEORGE CARLIN I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves ... GEORGE CARLIN Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. A... GEORGE CARLIN There's also way too much religion in the South to be consistent with good mental health. GEORGE CARLIN So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” And anyone who can’... GEORGE CARLIN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police. GEORGE CARLIN Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. GEORGE CARLIN I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's ... GEORGE CARLIN I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individual... GEORGE CARLIN When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. ... GEORGE CARLIN If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed ... GEORGE CARLIN There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It se... GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten GEORGE CARLIN [On school uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now the... GEORGE CARLIN Life is a series of dogs GEORGE CARLIN I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she tol... GEORGE CARLIN So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. GEORGE CARLIN I read that Monica Seles got stabbed. And although I have nothing against Monica Seles, I'm glad som... GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-. GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it daw... GEORGE CARLIN They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it. GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like GEORGE CARLIN Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the ... GEORGE CARLIN I have no emotional stake in Panda fucking. GEORGE CARLIN Jesus was a cross dresser GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth GEORGE CARLIN The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity GEORGE CARLIN What makes me nervous is when I am at an airport and the stewardess says get on the plane. I say fuc... GEORGE CARLIN Most people with low self-esteem have earned it GEORGE CARLIN If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter GEORGE CARLIN If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else GEORGE CARLIN I don't vote. Two reasons. First of all it's meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long ti... GEORGE CARLIN If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? GEORGE CARLIN I believe you can joke about anything. GEORGE CARLIN I'm the creative type, GEORGE CARLIN When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons GEORGE CARLIN Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. GEORGE CARLIN He had a sort of pain that was fairly evident. GEORGE CARLIN Rich White Men Don't Care About Poor Black People GEORGE CARLIN You get to play with people's little danger zones. GEORGE CARLIN 'We hope you enjoy your stay in Chicago or wherever your final destination may be.' All destinations... GEORGE CARLIN When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal wea... GEORGE CARLIN In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first. GEORGE CARLIN In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing GEORGE CARLIN I went straight from shenanigans to cries against humanity GEORGE CARLIN A man came up to me on the street and said I used to be messed up out of my mind on drugs but now I'... GEORGE CARLIN I tell ya, if I hadn't chosen the career of being a performer, I think linguistics would have been a... GEORGE CARLIN If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help. GEORGE CARLIN If the Reds were baseball's first team, who did they play? GEORGE CARLIN What if Alexander Graham Bell's name were Alexander Graham Siren? The phone wouldn't ring, it would ... GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that bi... GEORGE CARLIN Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can't... GEORGE CARLIN Everything beeps now GEORGE CARLIN You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic GEORGE CARLIN Think about it, GEORGE CARLIN I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and... GEORGE CARLIN Most people are not particularly good at anything GEORGE CARLIN I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ... GEORGE CARLIN What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30 years,>Read People Magazine your... GEORGE CARLIN One thing i don't understand is sex is legal and selling things is legal but selling sex is illegal. GEORGE CARLIN “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” GEORGE CARLIN If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categ... GEORGE CARLIN Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian. GEORGE CARLIN