Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac.