Notoriously insensitive to subtle shifts in moods, children will persist in discussing the color of a recently sighted cement mixer long after one's interest in the topic has waned

Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?" are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than "Where's your manuscript?" Why haven't you called?" and "Who's your lawyer?"

Children are rarely in the position to lend one a truly interesting sum of money. There are, however, exceptions, and such children are an excellent addition to any party.

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.