Next time I want to do something nice, slap me.

Girls like you want to cut guy's nuts off and hang 'em from your rearview mirror.

Dios mio, I think my brother lost his balls somewhere between here and Mexico. Or maybe Brittany has them zipped inside that fancy purse (of hers).

Didn't you learn anything from my mistakes?" he asks.
Shit, when Alex was in the Latino Blood back in Chicago I worshiped him. "You don't want to hear my answer to that.

Look at me, chica." When she does, I repeat, "Eres hermosa."
"What does it mean?"
"You're beautiful.

Did I ever tell you that Alex loves you so much he got your name tattooed all over his body? Hell, he even got your name branded into the back of his neck."
"They say 'LB,' Carlos. The initials for Latino Blood."
"No, no, no. You've got it all wrong. He wants everyone to think that, but in reality it means Lover of Brittany. LB, get it?