Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humor. He will always use it in evidence against you.

People are too apt to treat God as if he were a minor royalty.

Every man is a potential genius until he does something.

Cynicism is the humor of hatred.

A whipper-snapper of criticism who quoted dead languages to hide his ignorance of life.

Sirs, I have tested your machine [a gramophone]. It adds a new terror to life and makes death a long-felt want.