Crystal Woods quote: "My sincerest gratitude to every ass hole, horrible boss, and worthless piece of shit I've ever met for giving me new and endless material to work with and a way to earn a living exposing you."

He said I'm the winning lottery ticket, like he's never meant anything more.
CRYSTAL WOODS

Unknowingly, he prepared me to survive the rest of my days with the way he shielded himself from emo...
CRYSTAL WOODS

Some women feel the need to act like they're never scared, needy or hurt; like they're as hardened a...
CRYSTAL WOODS

Life's a battlefield, and we remain loyal to those who fight for us; those who'd die for us.
CRYSTAL WOODS

When I was just a cute little caterpillar, you loved me. So I became a butterfly so you would never ...
CRYSTAL WOODS

I want to take all our best moments, put them in a jar, and take them out like cookies and savor eac...
CRYSTAL WOODS

I know I'm not going to be in your head all the time. But once you know me, I'll be forever in your ...
CRYSTAL WOODS

I wish I could line up naked the men I've slept with and just gloat for a hot minute. Beautiful crea...
CRYSTAL WOODS

One thing I've learned about myself is that I can accomplish anything I want to. The caveat is that ...
CRYSTAL WOODS

Chemically, I'm as off as I can be. But you fix me.
CRYSTAL WOODS

Falling in love is easy. Falling in love with the same person repeatedly is extraordinary.
CRYSTAL WOODS

Time flies, whether you’re wasting it or not.
CRYSTAL WOODS

At the end of the day, I just want to sit with someone I love and chat about what matters and even w...
CRYSTAL WOODS

A sunset is the sun’s fiery kiss to the night.
CRYSTAL WOODS

Our eventual fate will be the sum of the stories we told ourselves long enough.
CRYSTAL WOODS

I had a dream about you last night. I was alone on a dark night and you came to me as a firefly. I k...
CRYSTAL WOODS

Ten minutes with a genuine friend is better than years spent with anyone less.
CRYSTAL WOODS

Even if most days can’t be half as good as today, it’s days like this that make it all worth it.
CRYSTAL WOODS

I finally gave in today. Admitting that I haven't been able to do it alone, that's defeat right? But...
CRYSTAL WOODS

I know you think I'm crazy. Maybe that's because I am. About life, about this moment, about you.
CRYSTAL WOODS

Even before we met and long after we're both gone, my heart lives inside of yours. I'm forever and e...
CRYSTAL WOODS

I'm such a strong human being. I amaze myself even. If only you knew what I've been up against, you'...
CRYSTAL WOODS

As in most fairy tales, there's a prince and a princess, dragons and some magic, and the feeling it ...
CRYSTAL WOODS

Every time I thought to, I wrote about you.
CRYSTAL WOODS

I dreamt that ‪@mark_wahlberg‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬ and his ...
CRYSTAL WOODS

Even when I'm sleeping, I go to places where you are.
CRYSTAL WOODS

I didn’t need to be a writer to know that I could. Did you have to become a penis to act like a di...
CRYSTAL WOODS

Don't cry about it. Write about it.
CRYSTAL WOODS

If everyone could just live near the ocean, I think we'd all be happier. It's hard to be down about ...
CRYSTAL WOODS

I had a dream that Mark Wahlberg and his wife were our neighbors and we had dance parties in our liv...
CRYSTAL WOODS

He said he loved more than any other women he's ever loved and I had a black eye to prove it.
CRYSTAL WOODS

Searching through Monster.com while on the clock feels like being on Tinder while still married.
CRYSTAL WOODS

If there's something I'm not good at, it's usually because I just organically despise it. I can't he...
CRYSTAL WOODS

I’d tell you what happened, but I can’t remember all of it. And I don't wanna put words in my dr...
CRYSTAL WOODS

Love is the best drug, bar none.
CRYSTAL WOODS

When you leave, I feel like I'm alone with your demons.
CRYSTAL WOODS

(Divorce)
We’ll remarry someday when we’ve grown,
Like royalty who’ve earned the th...
CRYSTAL WOODS

Some days are hard on us. Life gets serious and shit sucks. But you're my favorite distraction, attr...
CRYSTAL WOODS

Can you still want something you already have? Absolutely. Everyday.
CRYSTAL WOODS

I write because it's the only thing I love that always loves me back.
CRYSTAL WOODS

Write like no one is reading.
CRYSTAL WOODS

She was always looking for guarantees in a world of none.
CRYSTAL WOODS

She lives like tomorrow isn't coming and yesterday never happened.
CRYSTAL WOODS

My favorite thing you do is stop me in the middle of whatever I'm doing to tell me you love me.
CRYSTAL WOODS

The moment you realize that life will hurt more than your death. While existing, we're forced to bec...
CRYSTAL WOODS

Quite often you drive me mad, but more often I'm just mad about you. And that darling, that's the be...
CRYSTAL WOODS

No one can make you 'better' emotionally, mentally, spiritually or physically. You have to find this...
CRYSTAL WOODS

I now have anti-bodies to assholes after working for so many.
CRYSTAL WOODS

To all those who care,
You can't forever.
Time steals the years,
And your reflectio...
CRYSTAL WOODS

My spirit is free. My heart is taken.
CRYSTAL WOODS

Truthfully, there're only a handful of people in this world who really get joy from seeing you happy...
CRYSTAL WOODS

When reality and your dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off.
CRYSTAL WOODS

(When)
When you call me nugget.
When you take pictures of me.
When you dance.
Wh...
CRYSTAL WOODS

I had a dream about you. You were a stranger playing a gig in this pub where I was waitressing. I fe...
CRYSTAL WOODS

I'm convinced that not all units of time are equal.
CRYSTAL WOODS

I’m passing the bar
Where you first got in my car
I’m not ashamed to admit
Tha...
CRYSTAL WOODS

Many have balls but only a few have heart.
CRYSTAL WOODS

I've had these demons for years, maybe for my whole life. Then you came along to provoke them, expos...
CRYSTAL WOODS

I had a dream about you last night. I was writing a ‘Sex for dummies-Christians That Secretly What...
CRYSTAL WOODS

It's the person that calls you up because they're eating at ‘our favorite spot,’ and it made the...
CRYSTAL WOODS

I guess I just grew up thinking that when we become adults, we get to do what we love. For work, for...
CRYSTAL WOODS

Of all the heartache I will ever know, only some of it will be real. The rest, I will create.
CRYSTAL WOODS

If love is a form of substance abuse, I hope to die high.
CRYSTAL WOODS

I had this dream about you. We went hunting up in the mountains and I caught a unicorn. You told me ...
CRYSTAL WOODS

(On getting married at 19)
We told ourselves we had forever and we never looked back. The prob...
CRYSTAL WOODS

I can be a stupid girl inside of a crazy woman at times over you. If I weren’t, you should be worr...
CRYSTAL WOODS

I’m a Texas girl, with a California soul.
CRYSTAL WOODS

I had a dream about you last night. You were at my door. We had forgotten what we used to fight abou...
CRYSTAL WOODS

The more you can understand the beauty of nature, the more you can understand the nature of nature
CRYSTAL

Bilingualism lets you have your cake and eat it. The new language opens the doors to the best jobs i...
DAVID CRYSTAL

Language itself changes slowly, but the Internet has speeded up the process of those changes so you ...
DAVID CRYSTAL

The death of Sid Caesar on Wednesday caused a chain reaction in my soon-to-be-66-year-old mind. I wa...
BILLY CRYSTAL

I've been bisexual for as long as I can remember. I remember being made fun of in junior high fo...
CRYSTAL BOWERSOX

I know that, as a bisexual, sometimes people who are gay or lesbian look down upon the bisexual comm...
CRYSTAL BOWERSOX

Doing my Broadway show '700 Sundays' reminded me how much I love working in front of an audi...
BILLY CRYSTAL

I'm not sure why there's this anger in the youth, but we need to talk about it. Kids need to...
CRYSTAL BOWERSOX

We're seeing this disintegration of the family movie into these blockbuster things that kids sho...
BILLY CRYSTAL

The reason we are together is because she puts lead in my shoes and doesn't let me fly off the earth...
BILLY CRYSTAL

Did you ever reach a point in your life, where you say to yourself, 'This is the best I'm ever going...
BILLY CRYSTAL

Gentlemen, start your egos.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America's biggest export is now the...
BILLY CRYSTAL

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your li...
BILLY CRYSTAL

I've seen worse. . . . It just so happens that your friend here is mostly dead. There's a big differ...
BILLY CRYSTAL

This guy was so large, he had his own climate.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Change is such hard work
BILLY CRYSTAL

There's an old little jingle: 'The chief use of slang is to show that you're one of the ...
DAVID CRYSTAL

Whatever it is that's bothering me - interacting with annoying guy at a restaurant, contemplatin...
BILLY CRYSTAL

Speaking, writing, and signing are the three ways in which a language lives and breathes. They are t...
DAVID CRYSTAL

Part of the desire to see each other succeed is to stop putting a price on success.
CRYSTAL EVANS

I'm comfortable being old... being black... being Jewish.
BILLY CRYSTAL

You look marvelous.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Indifference is harder to fight than hostility, and there is nothing that kills an agitation like ha...
CRYSTAL EASTMAN

Muhammad Ali struck us in the middle of America's darkest night, in the heart of its most threat...
BILLY CRYSTAL

I can always say I led off for the New York Yankees. It's an amazing feeling.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Texting has added a new dimension to language use, but its long-term impact is negligible. It is not...
DAVID CRYSTAL

People are very ready to criticize other people's accents. There's no correlation between ac...
DAVID CRYSTAL

Academics don't normally manage to alter people's way of thinking through their strength of ...
DAVID CRYSTAL

Spellings are made by people. Dictionaries eventually reflect popular choices. And the Internet is a...
DAVID CRYSTAL

Over the last 50 years or so, we have seen an increasing cultural diversification across the country...
DAVID CRYSTAL

I've learned to try to sustain myself by holding on to the integrity of who I am. I'm not ta...
CRYSTAL WATERS

Until women learn to want economic independence, and until they work out a way to get this independe...
CRYSTAL EASTMAN

My mum, Helen, was hilarious. She had a tremendous sense of humour and was a great singer and tap da...
BILLY CRYSTAL

In the late 1960s, I was working as an usher for the New York stage production of 'You're a ...
BILLY CRYSTAL

English has been this vacuum cleaner of a language, because of its history meeting up with the Roman...
DAVID CRYSTAL

I started to be much happier in my relationships when I realized that I can only control myself. Tha...
CRYSTAL REED

Can you imagine if Babe Ruth had had Twitter?
BILLY CRYSTAL

I don't think anyone's sexuality needs to be a public issue other than to give others the co...
CRYSTAL BOWERSOX

The average man has a carefully cultivated ignorance about household matters - from what to do with ...
CRYSTAL EASTMAN

I went into the 'Idol' audition with no expectations; that's just the kind of person I a...
CRYSTAL BOWERSOX

Ever since the arrival of printing - thought to be the invention of the devil because it would put f...
DAVID CRYSTAL

The Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower. They're monumental. They're straight out of Page 52 i...
BILLY CRYSTAL

Of course my uncle was a giant, but my dad, in particular, had the house filled with these great Dix...
BILLY CRYSTAL

The thing that I like about the way characters are written on the show these days is that nobody'...
CRYSTAL CHAPPELL

Bambi, to a kid, was scary.
BILLY CRYSTAL

I was a good baseball player. I still play a couple of times a week as part of my daily workout. Jus...
BILLY CRYSTAL

When you're the host of the Academy Awards, and you grew up watching Bob Hope and Johnny Carson,...
BILLY CRYSTAL

I think it's like a relay race. You run, and you hand over the baton, and your kids pick it up. ...
BILLY CRYSTAL

Ali forced us to take a look at ourselves. This brash young man who thrilled us, angered us, confuse...
BILLY CRYSTAL

I did grow up poor. My mom managed to get a job as a custodian at our church, and it was really just...
CRYSTAL BOWERSOX

The decision-making process was very difficult: is this how I want my career to start, with playing ...
BILLY CRYSTAL

Nobody is more truthful when he's acting than De Niro.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Only once in a thousand years or so do we get to hear a Mozart or see a Picasso or read a Shakespear...
BILLY CRYSTAL

Believe me, happiness is not ticking off Walter Cronkite.
BILLY CRYSTAL

You can say now, 'I dissed him' - to diss, I dissed him - or, 'Stop dissing her'. An...
DAVID CRYSTAL

I never felt I had my 15, 16, 17 kind of years the way I maybe should have. It's a huge dent in ...
BILLY CRYSTAL

The secret to scooping ice cream is all about the scooper. You have to dip it in water before and af...
CRYSTAL REED

At any one time language is a kaleidoscope of styles, genres and dialects.
DAVID CRYSTAL

The one thing about internet language, people join it, and what quickly evolves is an 'internet ...
DAVID CRYSTAL

Love is like a balloon.. when you push your relationship with someone forward it is like blowing up ...
CRYSTAL SOUTHERLAND

Spellings are made by people. Dictionaries - eventually - reflect popular choices.
DAVID CRYSTAL

When we look at the specific effect of the Internet on language, languages asking the question, '...
DAVID CRYSTAL

In the moment where my mind, body and soul are assaulted I know that I'll never be the same ever aga...
CRYSTAL SPEARS

Name's Braxxon baby and I wanna touch an angel"- Braxxon
CRYSTAL SPEARS

It doesn't take a language long to disappear once the spirit to continue with it leaves its comm...
DAVID CRYSTAL

The average man has a carefully cultivated ignorance about household matters--from what to do with t...
CRYSTAL EASTMAN

We need mentors who are extremely dependable and consistent. These children, they've had many disapp...
CRYSTAL DAVIS

Enshrined in a language is the whole of a community's history and a large part of its cultural i...
DAVID CRYSTAL

It's like being a gym rat, but you're a theater rat, and then that becomes your fraternity h...
BILLY CRYSTAL

A feature of English that makes it different compared with all other languages is its global spread.
DAVID CRYSTAL

We are rearing a generation of kids who are more equitable and more understanding about the existenc...
DAVID CRYSTAL

Of all the mediums that influence language, I think film is the one that has the most effect. Not so...
DAVID CRYSTAL

Our professor was Marty Scorsese. Marty was a graduate student, or Mr. Scorsese, which is what I had...
BILLY CRYSTAL

One night, I wrote down all the things I was waiting to do with my little granddaughter, and it beca...
BILLY CRYSTAL

My granddaughter's birth has made me want to create things she will love.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Country is not what you heard on the Grammys.
CRYSTAL GAYLE

Text messaging is just the most recent focus of people's anxiety; what people are really worried...
DAVID CRYSTAL

That's the thing about jazz: it's free flowing, it comes from your soul.
BILLY CRYSTAL

We needed to get the bats going again. We were a little timid.
CRYSTAL BLAISDELL

I feel like a good director provokes you to ask questions about your character, but doesn't answ...
CRYSTAL REED

A good deal of tyranny goes by the name of protection.
CRYSTAL EASTMAN

They're known sometimes as a guardian angel to their fellow marines and to watch over and protect th...
CRYSTAL MERILLAT

I think we're in good hands. There's definitely much more momentum in bringing in good thing...
CRYSTAL CHAPPELL

Humans love sex, we need sex, it's how we connect, it reminds us we're alive, it's the t...
BILLY CRYSTAL

What's so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you're constantly startin...
BILLY CRYSTAL

Every usage, no matter how bizarre or nonstandard, fascinates me, as it tells me something about the...
DAVID CRYSTAL

The prop guys came in yelling, 'There's mercury on the set! It can get into your lungs, and it'll ki...
CRYSTAL HUNT

How do you spell the name of the Irish prime minister? It sounds like 'teeshuck', but we spe...
DAVID CRYSTAL

The Internet offers endangered languages a chance to have a public voice in a way that would not hav...
DAVID CRYSTAL

I think I've far exceeded what I ever thought I could possibly do.
BILLY CRYSTAL

A lot of people have said we're too young, but that just means we're fearless. And that's something ...
CRYSTAL LANGHORNE

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
BILLY CRYSTAL

A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight ...
BILLY CRYSTAL

I'm going to go on just living and laughing and loving.
BILLY CRYSTAL

I was a per diem floater in the same junior high school I went to. I sat in the office and made $42....
BILLY CRYSTAL

So many cultures have been forced to turn away from their pasts. We even fly flags of forgotten king...
CRYSTAL BREWE

At the same time we overlap, because, I do linguistics, and Ben did a first degree in Linguistics at...
DAVID CRYSTAL

As I get older and I get a few more years experience I become more like Dad, you know, King Lear.
DAVID CRYSTAL

Bill don't go, it's OK, we love you.
BILLY CRYSTAL

It hasn't been a problem with Ben, I think we worked together very well, we don't have rows.
DAVID CRYSTAL

We have some good images of the suspect. We just haven't been able to ID who he is.
CRYSTAL CANDY

I could have done a lot more if I had the money. We really did a minimal campaign compared to some o...
CRYSTAL KENNEDY

It seems like a minimal time commitment, but it makes a big difference to the children.
CRYSTAL DAVIS

She challenges me, and at the same time, I challenge her, ... She's making me better. She's one of t...
CRYSTAL SMITH

This device was powerful enough that they felt the thud a mile or two away.
CRYSTAL CANDY

It'd be great to play Ohio State again. They beat us last year and knocked us out.
CRYSTAL LANGHORNE

I knew it was between us and Ohio State once I saw Tennessee was in, but it just didn't go our way.
CRYSTAL LANGHORNE

I was the first to say we got the monkey off our backs. Everybody was really happy about that win.
CRYSTAL LANGHORNE

They will have the revenge factor going for them so we know we're going to have to bring our A game ...
CRYSTAL LANGHORNE

It's a new game so we're not looking at what happened in the past.
CRYSTAL LANGHORNE

We got here really fast.
CRYSTAL LANGHORNE

It wasn't one of my best games.
CRYSTAL LANGHORNE

I consider those kind of like misses. I wasn't really paying attention.
CRYSTAL LANGHORNE

I think we came out really well. We were intense, played great defense and I think we did a good job...
CRYSTAL LANGHORNE

You're either in it for the long haul or you're not.
CRYSTAL GAYLE

I have a lot of love and respect for Melissa Etheridge. I love Joe Cocker, Ray LaMontagne, Feist.
CRYSTAL BOWERSOX

I have performed my one-man show '700 Sundays' over 400 times now. There were only two times...
BILLY CRYSTAL

Nothing takes the sting out of these tough economic times like watching a bunch of millionaires givi...
BILLY CRYSTAL

Although many texters enjoy breaking linguistic rules, they also know they need to be understood.
DAVID CRYSTAL

The story of English spelling is the story of thousands of people - some well-known, most totally un...
DAVID CRYSTAL

Since I got into the movies, 'Running Scared,' that did $40 million. 'Princess Bride,...
BILLY CRYSTAL

To this day, with all of these muscle-bound guys, nobody hit the ball further than Mickey Mantle, wi...
BILLY CRYSTAL

I went to my first game May 30, 1956, and Mantle was in the beginnings of his Triple Crown season. A...
BILLY CRYSTAL

Something special for him but also to show the community that this was a marine who was proud to ser...
CRYSTAL MERILLAT

Likewise, there is no evidence that texting teaches people to spell badly: rather, research shows th...
DAVID CRYSTAL

Everybody is OK, but since it is a deputy who is involved and we have shots fired, we have to do a f...
CRYSTAL CANDY

When we drove up to the cemetery that night, it was just like he had been killed all over again.
CRYSTAL MERILLAT

Certainly this is a public affairs school, and he's a former president, but I think he really excite...
CRYSTAL JONES

She tore the ACL in January, and was back in the team camp in June. That was an inspiration to the o...
CRYSTAL WILLIAMS

He used various techniques, including having other people distract the employees. He'd then go in an...
CRYSTAL CANDY

My sincerest gratitude to every ass hole, horrible boss, and worthless piece of shit I've ever met for giving me new and endless material to work with and a way to earn a living exposing you.

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Crystal Woods

My sincerest gratitude to every ass hole, horrible boss, and worthless piece of shit I've ever met for giving me new and endless material to work with and a way to earn a living exposing you.

Crystal Woods

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