My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

People always ask me, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi.

You know, at parties, people always ask, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi!

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.