My friends, as I have discovered myself, there are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters.

The dreadful truth is that when people come to see their MP they have run out of better ideas.

But here's old Ken - he's been crass, he's been insensitive and thuggish and brutal in his language - but I don't think actually if you read what he said, although it was extraordinary and rude, I don't think he was actually anti-Semitic.

The Tory Party - the funkiest, most jiving Party on Earth!

It's very, very good news for Cameron. He's going to storm through, I've absolutely no doubt he's going to be Prime Minister.

My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive.