My food groups are as follows: You've got your hards, your softs, and your chocolates. For example: Pizza hard; pasta soft; and chocolate. Tacos hard; burritos soft; and chocolate. This is why no one comes to me for nutritional advice.

The food problem is a flavor problem. For half a century, we've been making the stuff people should eat--fruits, vegetables, whole grains, unprocessed meats--incrementally less delicious. Meanwhile, we've been making the food people shouldn't eat--chips, fast food, soft drinks, crackers--taste ever more exciting. The result is exactly what you'd expect.

Every single living thing is food to at least one living thing.

It was quite wrong of me Had I heard what I thought I’d heard or were my ears playing hob with me It was more likely that the sun and the moon should suddenly dance a jolly jig in the heavens than that one of my sisters should apologize. It was simply unheard of.

I am grateful to human evolution for the development of our collective cuisine. Ingesting nutrition through osmosis, without any conscious engagement on my part, would be a bummer....

It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: "THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE." Loosely translated, this means, "You're on your own, Bernice."