My belief is that if we take away that right to bear arms, the only people that are going to have them are... the ones breaking into your house.
Bill Engvall
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More Bill Engvall
There's a lot of things I believe in this world. I believe in God, I believe in the United State...
BILL ENGVALL If you watch the 'Blue Collar Tour,' I was probably the least redneck of everybody.
BILL ENGVALL I'm a blue collar guy.
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BILL ENGVALL I'd like to see the Amazon rainforests before they're all gone, and also the Galapagos - tha...
BILL ENGVALL I love to laugh, and laughter is one of my favorite things. When you have a really good laugh, you f...
BILL ENGVALL I have fun on stage, so people think maybe they should, too.
BILL ENGVALL Jeff Foxworthy Show.
BILL ENGVALL No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I ...
BILL ENGVALL Blue Collar TV
BILL ENGVALL When you're doing stand-up, you achieve an intimacy with the audience you can't get on TV. There's n...
BILL ENGVALL I learned that you don't take dishes from the table to the dishwasher; you have to rinse them fi...
BILL ENGVALL It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm stil...
BILL ENGVALL Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'
BILL ENGVALL If you're just a nice guy - you don't let people walk on you - but if you're just a nice...
BILL ENGVALL I was doing a bit that stupid people should be slapped. But the more I did it, the more I didn't...
BILL ENGVALL I hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that just say, 'I'm stupid.'
BILL ENGVALL It's fun being Bill Engvall.
BILL ENGVALL I haven't been really nervous about a gig in a long time.
BILL ENGVALL I don't do politics, I don't do religion, I don't do ethnic jokes.
BILL ENGVALL There's a reason God didn't give me this success in my 20s, because I'd have blown it.
BILL ENGVALL What I do is not regional comedy, and it is not based in the southern area.
BILL ENGVALL I like to hang on to cars. I'm not one of these guys that goes flipping cars all the time. If I ...
BILL ENGVALL I think you can ban guns if you can just pull the trigger and 60 bullets fire out.
BILL ENGVALL People all over are finding themselves in jobs they never thought they'd be in.
BILL ENGVALL I love stand up, but every year, the road takes a little more out of you.
BILL ENGVALL If you lived next door to me and didn't know what I did, you wouldn't know I was a celebrity...
BILL ENGVALL I've really got no complaints.
BILL ENGVALL I came out of the mall one day, and a guy was standing there with a coat hanger in his window, and I...
BILL ENGVALL To be honest with you, I still eat whatever I want. It's all about portion control. I still love...
BILL ENGVALL Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you kno...
BILL MAHER No one really wants to admit they are lonely, and it is never really addressed very much between fri...
BILL MURRAY President Obama is a utopian at heart. He wants to improve the lives of the downtrodden, which is a ...
BILL O'REILLY Since the time of St. Jerome, it was mandatory for any kind of scholar or thinker to spend time out ...
BILL VIOLA When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.
BILL WATTERSON Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.
BILL WATTERSON God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that...
BILL WATTERSON There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.
BILL WATTERSON We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
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BILL WATTERSON From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.
BILL WATTERSON Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's differ...
BILL WATTERSON The world of a comic strip ought to be a special place with its own logic and life... I don't wa...
BILL WATTERSON The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
BILL WATTERSON The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a...
BILL WATTERSON Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?
BILL WATTERSON Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
BILL WATTERSON If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
BILL WATTERSON It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.
BILL WATTERSON Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
BILL WATTERSON Try to be like the turtle - at ease in your own shell.
BILL COPELAND Keep your word. Honor commitments, and they will double back to honor you.
BILL RANCIC Historically, privacy was almost implicit, because it was hard to find and gather information. But i...
BILL GATES The outside perception and inside perception of Microsoft are so different. The view of Microsoft in...
BILL GATES According to Ethiopian custom, parents wait to name a baby because children often die in the first w...
BILL GATES My son likes to go see mines and electric plants, or the Large Hadron Collider, and we've had a ...
BILL GATES Like any well designed software product, Windows is designed, developed and tested as an integrated ...
BILL GATES The quality of research in the U.S. is absolutely the best.
BILL GATES The bulk of the universities are about teaching kids.
BILL GATES People want to watch whatever video they want to watch whenever they want to watch. If you provision...
BILL GATES In K-12, almost everybody goes to local schools. Universities are a bit different because kids actua...
BILL GATES My wife thinks she's better than me at puzzles. I haven't given in on that one yet.
BILL GATES In low-income countries, getting to a health post is hard. It's very expensive.
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BILL GATES I don't have a magic formula for prioritizing the world's problems.
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BILL GATES The only definition by which America's best days are behind it is on a purely relative basis.
BILL GATES Digital reading will completely take over. It's lightweight and it's fantastic for sharing. ...
BILL GATES At Microsoft there are lots of brilliant ideas but the image is that they all come from the top - I&...
BILL GATES I never took a day off in my twenties. Not one. And I'm still fanatical, but now I'm a littl...
BILL GATES Polio's pretty special because once you get an eradication, you no longer have to spend money on...
BILL GATES I remember thinking quite logically that I didn't want to spoil my children with wealth and so t...
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BILL GATES Money has no utility to me beyond a certain point.
BILL GATES People everywhere love Windows.
BILL GATES I'm never fully satisfied with any Microsoft product.
BILL GATES The general idea of the rich helping the poor, I think, is important.
BILL GATES If I'd had some set idea of a finish line, don't you think I would have crossed it years ago...
BILL GATES Exposure from a young age to the realities of the world is a super-big thing.
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BILL GATES I have been struck again and again by how important measurement is to improving the human condition.
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BILL GATES The best teacher is very interactive.
BILL GATES Technology is unlocking the innate compassion we have for our fellow human beings.
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BILL GATES I'm a geek.
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BILL GOLDBERG As we look ahead into the next century, leaders will be those who empower others.
BILL GATES Paper is no longer a big part of my day. I get 90% of my news online, and when I go to a meeting and...
BILL GATES Treatment without prevention is simply unsustainable.
BILL GATES If you can't make it good, at least make it look good.
BILL GATES Discrimination has a lot of layers that make it tough for minorities to get a leg up.
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BILL GATES This is a fantastic time to be entering the business world, because business is going to change more...
BILL GATES The worst pandemic in modern history was the Spanish flu of 1918, which killed tens of millions of p...
BILL GATES Expectations are a form of first-class truth: If people believe it, it's true.
BILL GATES Nobody spends any money on smallpox unless they worry about a bio-terrorist recreating it.
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BILL GATES In business, the idea of measuring what you are doing, picking the measurements that count like cust...
BILL GATES Nuclear energy, in terms of an overall safety record, is better than other energy.
BILL GATES People always fear change. People feared electricity when it was invented, didn't they? People f...
BILL GATES By improving health, empowering women, population growth comes down.
BILL GATES Innovation is moving at a scarily fast pace.
BILL GATES Microsoft is not about greed. It's about innovation and fairness.
BILL GATES I believe that if you show people the problems and you show them the solutions they will be moved to...
BILL GATES Capitalism has worked very well. Anyone who wants to move to North Korea is welcome.
BILL GATES Today a minimum wage earner has to work a day and a half just to pay for a full tank of gas. That is...
BILL PASCRELL I had always thought that once you grew up you could do anything you wanted - stay up all night or e...
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BILL FLORES Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.
BILL COSBY I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
BILL WATTERSON People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what&...
BILL COSBY If you watch kids looking at something on television, even something that's produced for them an...
BILL COSBY I'm not going out and hitting a 95-mph fastball where I can't see the stitches. I'm not ...
BILL COSBY There are two sides to every story, and sometimes three, four, and five.
BILL COSBY When I say, I don't care what white people think, I mean that.
BILL COSBY If you speak your mind and if it is true what you're saying, then I think the integrity of what ...
BILL COSBY Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.
BILL COSBY Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituari...
BILL COSBY Sometimes you try to help people, and it backfires on you, and then they try to take advantage of yo...
BILL COSBY Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.
BILL COSBY Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: e...
BILL COSBY Gray hair is God's graffiti.
BILL COSBY A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
BILL COSBY If you took your child to the dentist and check for cavities, the child likely won't get them. I...
BILL COSBY By the 1960s, many of us believed that the Civil Rights Movement could eliminate racism in America d...
BILL COSBY The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.
BILL COSBY Anytime I get down to Miami, it's a wonderful thing.
BILL GOLDBERG I have realized over time that I missed the mark with HyperCard. I grew up in a box-centric culture ...
BILL ATKINSON As a father, you want the best for your son, quite obviously. You want to create the best memories f...
BILL GOLDBERG Movie acting suits me because I only need to be good for ninety seconds at a time.
BILL MURRAY If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you'...
BILL HICKS I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, b...
BILL BURR There are more people dying of malaria than any specific cancer.
BILL GATES The man who rows the boat seldom has time to rock it.
BILL COPELAND I can't negate the theory that the Huxtables on 'The Cosby Show' may have helped pave th...
BILL COSBY A buddy will keep you honest and add a dimension of fun to your workout.
BILL TOOMEY Someday, somehow, the leadership of Planned Parenthood will have to answer for their callous disrega...
BILL FLORES One of my gripes about movies is that people take them so seriously, and the moneymaking aspects are...
BILL MURRAY Words are the children of reason and, therefore, can't explain it. They really can't transla...
BILL EVANS I bugged my mom and dad to 'get me inside the television set' when I was about four years ol...
BILL MUMY I just became one with my browser software.
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BILL PARCELLS I don't think there's a... boundary between digital media and print media. Every magazine is...
BILL GATES People in the West like to shoot things. When they first got to the West they shot buffalo. Once the...
BILL BRYSON The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence brief...
BILL MAHER William Andrews Clark was caught in a bribery scandal during a campaign for the U.S. Senate - he was...
BILL DEDMAN The International Brigades and the British volunteers were, numerically, only a small part of the Re...
BILL ALEXANDER The anger in the Brigade against those who fought the Republic in the rear was sharpened by reports ...
BILL ALEXANDER Being a broadcaster encompasses the business of sport, which is my life today, and it encompasses th...
BILL WALTON Chick Hearn was my favorite broadcaster ever - he's the one who taught me to think basketball, h...
BILL WALTON The great thing about being a broadcaster is you have this incredible responsibility to the people t...
BILL WALTON Good writing is clear thinking made visible.
BILL WHEELER If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.
BILL WATTERSON Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
BILL WATTERSON I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.
BILL WATTERSON We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
BILL WATTERSON I just read this great science fiction story. It's about how machines take control of humans and tur...
BILL WATTERSON Enemy fighters at two o'clock!Roger. What should I do until then?
BILL WATTERSON Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
BILL WATTERSON From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.
BILL WATTERSON Black holes are where God divided by zero.
BILL WATTERSON The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the
universe is that it has never tried ...
BILL WATTERSON I remember being unbelievable bummed when 'Freaks and Geeks' was canceled.
BILL HADER We use the people who are in the bullpen producing.
BILL EVANS After every massacre in a school, Americans grasp at quick cures. 'Let's install metal detec...
BILL DEDMAN There's no magic line between an application and an operating system that some bureaucrat in Was...
BILL GATES The long view of the Census bureau allows some changes that are taken for granted to be studied in m...
BILL DEDMAN In the Woodstock movie, you see Justin, my son, who is now a filmmaker, being carried off by my wife...
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BILL GATES Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all th...
BILL WATTERSON I have an addiction to caffeine.
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BILL BUFORD Awards are meaningless to me, and I have nothing but disdain for anyone who actively campaigns to ge...
BILL MURRAY Ask any successful person to look back over the events of his or her life, and chances are there'...
BILL RANCIC A city built on rivers and bituminous coal, Pittsburgh in the '90s has survived the boom and bus...
BILL DEDMAN You know those adages about smelling the roses and chasing butterflies? The markets are my butterfli...
BILL GROSS Many visitors to Chicago know the Loop, the shops on the Magnificent Mile, and the Museum Campus. Me...
BILL DEDMAN The hardest achievement in acting - in my opinion, anyway - is nailing a role that absolutely nobody...
BILL SIMMONS Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For w...
BILL MAHER Brand names are well known to business school professors, but only one professor is a brand name her...
BILL DEDMAN Our children are angry. The profanity is out in the street. It's on the buses and in the subway....
BILL COSBY Leadership is an active role; 'lead' is a verb. But the leader who tries to do it all is hea...
BILL OWENS Our first responsibility is to protect the American people and we cannot put on blinders to expect t...
BILL SHUSTER I just try to do the best job I possibly can - put the blinders on, go to work and be the best you c...
BILL PARCELLS Gordon Ramsay grew up in a tourist town, Stratford-Upon-Avon, but in a part tourists don't visit...
BILL BUFORD You have to have a certain realism that government is a pretty blunt instrument, and without the con...
BILL GATES Bluegrass is wonderful music. I'm glad I originated it.
BILL MONROE A good hitting instructor is able to mold his teaching to the individual. If a guy stands on his hea...
BILL ROBINSON Jason McDermott's political career, however bogus, appears to have had an early and promising st...
BILL DEDMAN All my memories of being in Las Vegas with Bobby were great. Frank Sinatra brought us to the Sands H...
BILL MEDLEY No matter how good you get, there's always something further out there.
BILL WALTON Television isn't inherently good or bad. You go to a bookstore, there are how many thousands of ...
BILL NYE I think when Kevin Nash put himself on the booking committee and then gave me my first loss, that wa...
BILL GOLDBERG