Mr. Trump, I really can't comment, because he was my boss on 'Celebrity Apprentice,' and I just don't think we should let him be president until he produces evidence that the thing on his head is real. Because he wanted to see Obama's birth certificate, we should ask for a certificate of real hair.


Lisa Lampanelli

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LISA GANSKY
Damn it. What are we exactly calling a 'masculine problem'? Did he have trouble running the flag up?...
LISA KLEYPAS
If my love can hold you, I'll keep you with me.
LISA KLEYPAS
I wrote for twelve years and collected 250 rejection slips before getting any fiction published, ...
LISA ALTHER
I grab
a small container
of glitter.

Because this day,
this wonderful,
LISA SCHROEDER
I grab
a small container
of glitter.

Because this day,
this wonderful,
LISA SCHROEDER
Frost’s face darkened. “What gives you the right to speak for Miss Hathaway and her family?” <...
LISA KLEYPAS
You have to rely on whatever sparks you have inside.
LISA KLEYPAS
I want morning and noon and nightfall with you. I want your tears, your smiles, your kisses...the sm...
LISA KLEYPAS
You’ll never get a new ending if you keep starting with the same tired beginning.
LISA DAILY
To most Alaskans, Clinton is remembered as being the one individual who has shut Alaska down by veto...
LISA MURKOWSKI
We use a Native American tradition of the talking stick. You sit and pass it around and whoever has ...
LISA BONET
When I'm anchoring, I miss chasing stories in the field.
LISA GUERRERO
I have nothing to offer you," he finally said in a guttural voice.
"Nothing."
Win's lips h...
LISA KLEYPAS
I will admit, I once launched myself at Julie Garwood for a hug, hoping some of her magic would rub ...
LISA KLEYPAS
No day would be complete without chocolate. My favorite: Vosges Creole bar - it's dark chocolate...
LISA EDELSTEIN
Imagine that foreign development is not done to our standards and a spill occurs. Neither geology no...
LISA MURKOWSKI
In our house, everybody is always dancing around and singing. We have a dance floor outside at our h...
LISA RINNA
When I grew up we had gym at school, two or three dance classes after school, ice skating lessons, a...
LISA LOEB
If you're a disheveled, easily distracted person, it's always scary when someone asks what your plan...
LISA SMARTT
Words are like the delicate stitches in the dress you wear, holding the fabric of the garmet togethe...
LISA MANTCHEV
I don't necessarily make much art myself, but after I wrote 'Warped Passages,' I was for...
LISA RANDALL
Come with me,' Mom says.
To the library.
Books and summertime
go together.
LISA SCHROEDER
What if you could meet your soul mate?" the ghost asked. "You 'd want to avoid that?"
"Hell, ye...
LISA KLEYPAS
When you start to really know someone, all his physical characteristics start to disappear. You begi...
LISA UNGER
An almost indispensable skill for any creative person is the ability to pose the right questions. Cr...
LISA RANDALL
I've always known that performing is what I want to do. There was never a defining moment. I jus...
LISA O'HARE
I've learned you can make a mistake and the whole world doesn't end. I had to learn to allow...
LISA KUDROW
There's nothing particularly dark in my past... I live in the light. My disposition is basically...
LISA UNGER
Fact: I don't know of a single girl who doesn't wish the show-it-all boxer-shorts phenomenon would g...
LISA SAMSON
The stones in your driveway may have come from the slaves who spend all day breaking rocks because i...
LISA KRISTINE
I would like to be able to disappear whenever I do something dorky.
LISA MCMANN
She said she collects pieces of sky, cuts holes out of it with silver scissors, bits of heaven she c...
LISA ZARAN
I felt devalued and disrespected. The energy behind it felt disingenuous and motivated by corporate ...
LISA BONET
People who dismiss science in favor of religion sometimes confuse the challenge of rigorously unders...
LISA RANDALL
I think the skin revolution for women, I will call it, really all started with Mariah Carey. Madonna...
LISA BEDRICK
There's a variety and depth to the song topics I get to write about in children's music and ...
LISA LOEB
My own novel, 'The Silver Bough,' about the inhabitants of a remote town at risk of being ov...
LISA TUTTLE
Six years after I wrote the first draft of 'Plan B,' I received my first paycheck as a write...
LISA LUTZ
I didn't realize what an impact having a No. 1 single would have. It connects me with people of ...
LISA LOEB
Harvard freshmen are smart, interested, and excited, and it's fun hearing their different perspe...
LISA RANDALL
Think about how our country was built. The greatness came from our diversity; the greatness came fro...
LISA MURKOWSKI
I think it's fair to say that women have a different level of intuitiveness that allows them to ...
LISA MURKOWSKI
The letter had been crumpled up and tossed onto the grate. It had burned all around the edges, so th...
LISA KLEYPAS
Ah, there’s the governess voice. All stern and disapproving. It makes me feel like a naughty schoo...
LISA KLEYPAS
Hair color is the easiest way to change your appearance, but a bad dye job might draw more attention...
LISA LUTZ
Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and VERY important. -Lisa Hoffman.
LISA HOFFMAN
Love is only the game that is not called on account of darkness.
LISA HOFFMAN