Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.

You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.

I draw hundreds and hundreds of pictures of sort of gnarly looking men, so I don't know what that tells you. People who look like... they're waiting for a sandwich that's never going to come. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I'd be hard-pressed to think of anybody who's made me laugh, who's funny, but who's also relentlessly positive.

I'm really not big on nationalism, to be honest with you. I really don't think it gets people anywhere except near a pile of dead bodies. I'm Irish, yeah, but I don't need to get up on a soapbox about it.

You can't please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won't please anyone, least of all yourself.