Many of us dismiss talk that does not convey important information as worthless - meaningless small talk if it's a social setting or "empty rhetoric" if it's public. Such admonitions as "Skip the small talk, " "Get to the point," or "Why don't you say what you mean?" may seem to be reasonable. But they are reasonable only if information is all that counts. This attitude toward talk ignores the fact that people are emotionally involved with each other and that talking is the major way be establish, maintain, monitor and adjust our relationships.
Deborah Tannen
Related If you lack open communication and honesty in your life – It’s time to look within. Are you some... ALARIC HUTCHINSON In my experience, he was excellent with children, ... He didn't talk down to us. He may have brought... DOUGLAS GRESHAM It is not enough to say that you are upset with something if you don't do anything to change it. If ... JOHNNY CORN You can talk about things indirectly, but if you want to talk how people really talk, you have to ta... BOB SAGET Write as much as you can. Read as much as you can. Use the library and the internet carefully for re... ENOCK MAREGESI The point is those critics say that if you sign with a baby they won't learn to talk. But it's not g... LINDA HURWITZ He shouldn't just say this or infer that. If he has any information as he says he has, he should tal... JOE JORDAN I talk a lot to Nova on the telephone. You can't be involved with people during such a traumatic tim... PEGGY BAKER The two men had a conversation. Brief, cryptic, to the point. As though they had exchanged numbers a... ARUNDHATI ROY If you chose Option 2 [confrontation], you did well. People will be less likely to engage you in off... BARATUNDE R. THURSTON I would never talk just to be social. Now, to sit down with a bunch of engineers and talk about the ... TEMPLE GRANDIN If I talk emotionally, we'll get to the same result. If I talk logically, we'll get to the same resu... MOHAMED GHULOOM It's important that these major world economies talk to each other, see if they can come to a common... KIRSTY HUGHES It's not that there is no small talk...It's that it comes not at the beginning of conversations but ... SUSAN CAIN Let's talk about winning first before we talk about anything else. We need to win some games. What w... TOM COUGHLIN The best way to become good at small talk is not to talk small at all. KEITH FERRAZZI If women talk in ways expected of them or project a feminine demeanor, it's seen as weak. But if... DEBORAH TANNEN If you talk to the animals they will talk with you and you will know each other. If you do not ... DAN GEORGE In our story, we talk about the fact that a lot of doctors don't have the training or time to talk t... PEGGY NORTHROP Music is an expression of your experiences, but it can't be an expression in a way that people can't... LANCE BENNETT Music is an expression of your experiences, but it can't be an expression in a way that people can't... LANCE BENNETT The fact that the talk may be boring or turgid or uninspiring should not cause us to forget the fact... HENRY CABOT LODGE, JR. The fact that the talk may be boring or turgid or uninspiring should not cause us to forget the fact... HENRY CABOT LODGE JR. If you had a friend you refused to talk to, eventually you couldn't keep calling that person a frien... CRAIG GROESCHEL If people work together in an open way with porous boundaries - that is, if they listen to each othe... RICHARD THOMAS When top scientists and psychologists talk about what's important to our overall wellbeing and h... TOM RATH Food Allergies Are Not Due to Food, Rather Are Due to the Constant Contamination of That Food That Y... THEHEALTHFOODGURU Everybody gets all worked up about trash talk but it is what it is - it's talk... You ask any pl... JASON BABIN All his family and friends are devastated, ... If anybody knows anything, they have got to talk to p... ANTHONY WALKER This area is a huge challenge and we don't talk about it enough. We spend a great deal of time talki... COLIN KENNY I sort of thought that maybe people had to talk that way, sort of saying the same things over and ov... SHIRLEY JACKSON We will rebuild because it is important to the community that we are here, ... People have not been ... HAROLD ROBERTS What is important in talking about the culture of violence against women is that it is hard to talk ... DANIELLE CURRIER News is important information that may influence your investments. Noise is talk or buzz or some hea... MARIA BARTIROMO Even if such an incident had taken place, it doesn't mean anything. Any diplomat in any mission migh... MOHAMED ATTA Of course, walking alone on a country path, it is easier to maintain mindfulness. If there’s a fri... THICH NHAT HANH They say if you wanted to talk to someone, you would of.. no matter what. But if that someone wanted... CADIR LAMPE Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for
that determines our success or... NORMAN VINCENT PEALE Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or... NORMAN VINCENT PEALE Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that
determines our success or... NORMAN VINCENT PEALE They are not suspects, but we would like to talk to them - they do have some information that can be... JAMES CONN As a way to build relationships, trust and credibility with customers, if you talk about problems an... DUANE SWORD Madame, it is an old word and each one takes it new and wears it out himself. It is a word that fill... ERNEST HEMINGWAY I recognize that it often serves competitors best to talk past each other - especially when you are ... GWEN IFILL [· Listener. While it's important to be an active listener,] keep in mind that people tend to ta... DAVID GAGE [· Listener. While it's important to be an active listener,] keep in mind that people tend to ta... DAVID GAGE We all know that there are language forms that are considered impolite and out of order, no matter w... JUNOT DíAZ There are some people that will not pick up a phone and call you, but if you knock on a door and tal... STEVE MARTIN Communication about important issues should be done by appointment only. To make an appoint say: I h... TERENCE T. GORSKI There is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, bu... ANNA SEWELL A lot of times, we talk about black people as if being black is all they are. They get up, go to wor... MARGOT LEE SHETTERLY Consumers will talk about your brand whether you're involved or not, so you may as well be involved. CAROL DAVIES They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English. I can't even talk the way these people ... BILL COSBY Why try to listen, when you don't want to hear. Why try to talk when you have nothing to say. If you... AVIS JOHN They hold all the cards. We'll talk this week just to say hello. If there are no changes, there won'... MARK GANDLER Meanwhile many political prisoners continue to languish unjustly, proof that this nation's talk abou... LEONARD PELTIER When you try to talk about yourself, you dont know who you are, or what your like, or what your like... CAROL CHANNING A reasonable doubt is nothing more than a doubt for which reasons can be given. The fact that 1 or 2... LORD HAILSHAM I don't know what the magic words are. They wanted to come and talk about it, but I don't have any e... BEAN STRINGFELLOW My dear friend, clear your mind of cant [excessive thought]. You may talk as other people do:... SAMUEL JOHNSON If you talk to most businessmen, they'll say that what they do is for the public good, but you k... P. J. O'ROURKE I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ... KELLY JONES That, my dear Liv, was confidence. Talk to someone. Make jokes with them. Seem interested in what th... DANIKA STONE Those who talk most about the blessings of marriage and the
constancy of its vows are the very peop... GEORGE BERNARD SHAW Those who talk most about the blessings of marriage and the constancy of its vows are the very peopl... GEORGE BERNARD SHAW Instead of going to Platteview, maybe we'll go north or south... maybe we'll say that there are too ... PAUL MULLEN If you talk to them, they talk the same. They carry themselves the same. That says a lot. IKE HILLIARD I think the advice, regardless of gender, is always be open to conversations with people who do thin... BETH SIMONE NOVECK If you talk to many people in the Northeast and the West Coast, they don't believe in gender differe... LEONARD SAX It is not empty rhetoric to talk of the Free World. BARBARA AMIEL When I talk to kids about this place, I spend all my time talking about what a great place this is, ... HEATH SCHROYER Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. Whe... FRED ROGERS I think that having comedy where people talk the way they really talk, when you talk with your frien... SETH GORDON A file on a hard disk does indeed contain information of the kind that objectively exists. The fact ... JARON LANIER I think crime fiction is a great way to talk about social issues, whether 'To Kill A Mockingbird... KARIN SLAUGHTER If you catch me coming out of a film, when I'm emotionally involved, I can tell you at that mome... ABBAS KIAROSTAMI We all need somebody to talk to. It would be good if we talked... not just pitter-patter, but real t... LIV ULLMANN You have to realise that everyone that you are working with is important. It doesn't matter wher... GIGI HADID Stoans want to be lissent to. Them big brown stoans in the formers feal they want to stan up and tal... RUSSELL HOBAN What do you care if people talk? Those who talk cannot harm you. Why should you be worried? You shou... CHRISTINE DE PIZAN Dont try to go too fast. Learn your job. Dont ever talk until you know what youre talking about. If ... SAM RAYBURN I always go for the sex and violence, ... If you can be great, you should talk about love and death.... THOMAS CAHILL We could say we want the Web to reflect a vision of the world where everything is done democraticall... TIM BERNERS-LEE All talk is small talk. MARTY RUBIN Information wants to be free.' So goes the saying. Stewart Brand, the founder of the Whole Earth Cat... JARON LANIER I think social networks are really working for the drivers, because we're able to talk directly ... JENSON BUTTON Many talk about a guest worker program. I think most reasonable people believe that a guest worker p... GARY MILLER In some situations, if you say nothing, you are called dull; if you talk, you are thought impertinen... WILLIAM HAZLITT And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to ta... DAVE BARRY I talk to my friends and, you know, they all seem to get relationships that aren't right. You ki... RAY LIOTTA There is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, bu... ANNA SEWELL People sometimes announce that we have entered 'the information age' as if information did n... ROBERT DARNTON If you want to talk about a subject that is important to women, romantic fiction is the place to tal... CHARLOTTE LAMB I can talk endlessly about characters, or why someone did this or that, and what that dynamic and in... CHARLIE KAUFMAN It's hard because officially, by UIL rules, you cannot schedule games or sign contracts (until the r... JOE SOLIS It's clear that people are going to download media files, and they're going to talk to each ... MICHAEL NESMITH People will talk down on you to build themselves up,People will point the fingers at your past as if... TANICA S HALL I talked to Mike (O'Connell) briefly after New Year's, just touching base, but (had) no discussion o... NEIL ABBOTT Sometimes there would be someone else out there, someone she didn't know, but when they saw each oth... NICHOLAS SPARKS You and I have a connection that nothing, not on heaven or earth, or even hell, could ever break. If... CYNTHIA HAND
More Deborah Tannen
For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishi... DEBORAH TANNEN We all feel wistfulness or regret about roads not taken. DEBORAH TANNEN The word 'sister' evokes an ideal of connection and support, like the friendships that made ... DEBORAH TANNEN Each person's life is lived as a series of conversations. DEBORAH TANNEN Women as mothers grapple with corresponding contradictions. The adoration they feel for their grown ... DEBORAH TANNEN For girls and women, talk is the glue that holds a relationship together - and the explosive that ca... DEBORAH TANNEN There is more excitement, more amazement when a first is born. No subsequent babies can have that im... DEBORAH TANNEN I would say 'woman' used to be a noun, and now it is a noun and also an adjective. And words... DEBORAH TANNEN A sister is someone who owns part of what you own: a house, perhaps, or a less tangible legacy, like... 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DEBORAH COX There is that idea of seeming crazy when you're seeing spirits or you're seeing dead people,... DEBORAH MAILMAN Social issues have been used to distract Americans from their own self interests since Nixon's s... DEBORAH KASS I prefer Princess. I would love to be known as a diva later on in life when I've had far more ex... DEBORAH COX The catheter allows us to bathe the entire abdominal area with a high concentration of chemotherapy ... DEBORAH ARMSTRONG It's the kind of thing you sort of always hope you're going to see. DEBORAH ARMSTRONG It's very good news. A lot of larger institutions have already adopted this approach. At least for t... DEBORAH ARMSTRONG This is a significant improvement in survival for women with this disease, which is most often diagn... DEBORAH ARMSTRONG IP therapy is not a new treatment approach, but it has not been widely accepted as the gold standard... DEBORAH ARMSTRONG We want to make this a model for other communities in the future. DEBORAH ABBOTT The heritage of the state is very agricultural. Re-energizing agriculture is the key to Indiana's ec... DEBORAH ABBOTT The goal is to create a new use for the manure that's surrounding the town ? as a biofuel. DEBORAH ABBOTT The goal is to create a new use for the manure that's surrounding the town ? as a biofuel, DEBORAH ABBOTT My problem is that I want to smoke the cigar and for someone else to light it. I want to blow out sm... DEBORAH LEVY I think differently, I think it's about reaching everybody on every different plane and every di... DEBORAH COX I take it to be from the greatest extremes, both in virtue and in vice, that the uniformly virtuous ... DEBORAH SAMPSON One sees more and more people who are miserable and demented and you feel it would be both kind and ... DEBORAH MOGGACH The best way to insure you achieve the greatest satisfaction out of life is to behave intentionally. DEBORAH DAY I would love to be bilingual. I think having a second or third language at my bidding would open up ... DEBORAH RANEY The biggest surprise, which is also the best, is that I didn't know I would love motherhood as m... DEBORAH NORVILLE Once upon a time, about 10 years ago, I thought maybe I could write a mystery series about a midwife... DEBORAH HARKNESS A government that operates under the guise of capitalism does not necessarily mean it is free of the... DEBORAH SIMPSON Ninety percent of board members said they were there to make a difference in the organization. DEBORAH HECHINGER Accessories in general add warmth to a room, but you can switch out your accessories to showcase onl... DEBORAH CARPENTER I teach 18- to 21-year-olds - the 'Harry Potter' generation. They grew up as voracious reade... DEBORAH HARKNESS In choosing where to live or vacation, we may be setting the stage for the play of ourselves, treati... DEBORAH TALL We always see a few orders for wedding invitations with wedding dates around college graduation time... DEBORAH GOMIA My mind became agitated with the enquiry - why a nation, separated from us by an ocean more than thr... DEBORAH SAMPSON U.S. gasoline may be rattling people's cages. We're going to see another steep draw. That, Nigeria a... DEBORAH WHITE I always thought that it was every performer's dream. That's the epitome of being an artist,... DEBORAH COX 'Tulip Fever' did change my life. It did that thing that sometimes happens when a book takes... DEBORAH MOGGACH It's not a failure if a marriage or partnership ends after a certain number of years. I think, i... DEBORAH MOGGACH It's a very quick place to come in. I'm not going on 21 at lunchtime for anything unless it's a dire... DEBORAH DURHAM They said the wreath is still on the door. DEBORAH ROBERTS In whatever I may be thought to have been unnatural, unwise and indelicate, it is now my most ferven... DEBORAH SAMPSON The song came out to be a gem, just came out to be a really, really interesting rendition of it. DEBORAH COX