Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands - and all you can do is scratch it

Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away.

A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it.

I have just been all round the world and have formed a very poor opinion of it.

There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn't give a damn what goes on in between.

The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes.