Apparently I'm not a pro cyclist.
JON CRYER To avoid ignorance and bullying, I've had to hide the fact that I'm a troll. You have no ide...
JON CRYER If you can find it in you to love how stupid the entertainment industry is, you can have a great car...
JON CRYER I try to save being angry for the really important moments - for special occasions.
JON CRYER Sarcasm is lost in print.
JON CRYER You can't do television shows caring whether or not the network picks you up. You can only do th...
JON CRYER I can't imagine Jon Cryer performing with the New York Philharmonic isn't one of the signs o...
JON CRYER Like all the good comics, he was a perfectionist - he wouldn't settle for anything less.
BARRY CRYER It was like an Agatha Christie thriller, trying to work out who this man was.
BARRY CRYER Everything's a competition, no matter what we do. We could go outside and walk and see who walks the...
BARRY CRYER Why does it take two days for a polaroid of John Major to appear?
BARRY CRYER It was devastating watching on TV and not being able to do anything. A lot was going on in my mind a...
BARRY CRYER She was gorgeous and very, very funny - not just joke funny. She was a genuine eccentric.
BARRY CRYER I seriously put him in the same league as Alec Guinness or Peter Sellers. If he had gone into film h...
BARRY CRYER He was like a chameleon, an amazing character comedian,
BARRY CRYER If you watch him in Porridge and Open All Hours you can't believe it's the same person.
BARRY CRYER If it was just based on actual dollars, we would probably be in New York, no question about it.
BILL CRYER The effort Austin went to was magnificent. They took the ball and ran with it.
BILL CRYER Attacks on a politician's identity - questioning Romney's religion, say, or Obama's birt...
JON MEACHAM No family gets rich from earning the minimum wage. In fact, the current minimum wage does not even l...
JON CORZINE If you want something, you can't wait for someone to make it happen for you.
JON HUERTAS More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch wit...
JON STEWART President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much o...
JON STEWART I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that ...
JON STEWART If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.
JON STEWART Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
JON STEWART If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
JON STEWART I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. Y...
JON STEWART I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.
JON STEWART Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center.
JON STEWART McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.
JON STEWART Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you kn...
JON STEWART The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart b...
JON STEWART Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.
JON STEWART Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.
JON STEWART The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.
JON STEWART We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been loo...
JON STEWART I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything.
JON STEWART You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to lo...
JON STEWART If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they...
JON STEWART Ever since I read 'Kitchen Confidential,' I saw a little light bulb go off. Being a chef is ...
JON FAVREAU I've been fascinated by the world ever since I read 'Kitchen Confidential' by Anthony Bo...
JON FAVREAU 'Swagger' would be the word for 'Dirt On My Boots.' With the real funky drum loop an...
JON PARDI I was 22 and had worked on Wall Street for a year, and quit my job. I bought a motorcycle and sort o...
JON FAVREAU I'm not going chic, I swear. The geek endures. But, I mean, a snazzy cool suit looks good.
JON HEDER One of the things that makes our military the best in the world is the certain knowledge of each sol...
JON KYL I can be a traditionalist but also play with Luke Bryan and get the crowd to go crazy. I think that ...
JON PARDI With the perspective afforded by the passage of time, where does 9/11 rank as a turning point in our...
JON MEACHAM All of a sudden, I was a young kid in my early 20s, and I had a couple of Broadway shows to my credi...
JON TENNEY I saw rock n' roll future and its name is Bruce Springsteen.
JON LANDAU Movies like 'Chef' are not really box-office monsters in the summertime and don't really...
JON FAVREAU I toured around the country and met all these Broadway producers who put me in all these Neil Simon ...
JON TENNEY Environmental concern is a little like dieting or paying off credit-card debt - an episodically terr...
JON MEACHAM There's something real in women's intuition. It's an accurate signpost for decision maki...
JON VOIGHT When it comes to celebrities and tabloids, to me that is a bummer. That's a little disappointing...
JON FAVREAU Many students graduate from college and professional schools, including those of social work, nursin...
JON PORTER When Iron Man's flying, we'd send real planes up to do the choreography so that we'd get...
JON FAVREAU A lot of people, including business leaders, think the future belongs to China. Globalization is not...
JON MEACHAM People selling content internationally need to be highly focused on selling the right product to the...
JON FELTHEIMER As a member of Congress, and a parent, I understand the importance of ensuring that families are abl...
JON PORTER Owners who buy aggressive dogs for security may be kidding themselves: The chances that the victim o...
JON KATZ When the Beatles wrote 'Paperback Writer,' it couldn't have been the same old thing. You...
JON BATISTE I think that generally music should be a positive thing, I like Bob Marley's attitude: he said t...
JON FISHMAN I was born in March 1949, a post war baby boomer.
JON ENGLISH 'Just looking at pictures' used to be considered cheating. No longer. The graphic novel is b...
JON SCIESZKA 'The Royals' has emerged as a breakout series that has become one of E Network's highest...
JON FELTHEIMER It's funny. When we were alive we spent much of our time staring up at the cosmos and wondering what...
JON STEWART Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians ca...
JON STEWART A tiny little baby!' says Tam. 'People look at me like I'm an animal. People who don't know me judge...
JON RONSON The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom.
JON STEWART I'd like to repeat the advice that I gave you before, in that I think you really should make a radic...
JON KRAKAUER Happiness [is] only real when shared
JON KRAKAUER It's not always necessary to be strong, but to feel strong.
JON KRAKAUER If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, b...
JON STEWART I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in abo...
JON STEWART You can lay down and die, or you can get up and fight, but that's it -- there's no turning back.
JON ENGLISH Just every moment with Dick Cheney has been my favorite. Here's what I wonder about Dick Cheney, and...
JON STEWART Yeah, that's the ticket.
JON LOVITZ Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs on everyone.'
JON STEWART Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand g...
JON STEWART We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the b...
JON STEWART For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't… you know, it's inter...
JON STEWART But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our best to keep you informed of any late-b...
JON STEWART Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunishe...
JON STEWART I can't read lips unless they're touching mine.
JON TROAST GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote, man of th...
JON STEWART You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were sw...
JON STEWART James Taylor may be an all-American boy but he isn't Horatio Alger, and the lionizing of many ro...
JON LANDAU Words without deeds is an affront to the principle that guides our Nation and makes a mockery of the...
JON CORZINE Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana...
JON STEWART Some people think we're adrift without any guidelines. I don't. I think we've had instru...
JON VOIGHT I would still rather be in Silicon Alley. I like the West Coast also, but it's sort of fragmente...
JON ORINGER I am a huge admirer of Franklin Roosevelt's, and I believe social security has done untold good ...
JON MEACHAM Among the many problems with taking the Bible literally is it reduces the most mysterious and comple...
JON MEACHAM Goats are the cable talk show panelists of the animal world, ready at a moment's notice to inter...
JON KATZ One wonders whether the Obama re-election campaign may be on the right track as it seeks to apply th...
JON MEACHAM 'Sing It Again Rod' touches all the solo bases since Stewart's departure from the Jeff B...
JON LANDAU I like hearing fiddles, steel guitar, acoustics up loud - really rock & roll stuff but with a co...
JON PARDI If a person is homosexual by nature - that is, if one's sexuality is as intrinsic a part of one&...
JON MEACHAM I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, th...
JON STEWART If I were in a situation where I had to meet a pack of wolves and my family is with me, I'm goin...
JON SEDA I like San Francisco, but I don't think I'd want to work in Palo Alto. It seems like a prett...
JON ORINGER When I went to Everest, I underestimated things. I just didn't know what altitude could do. Or t...
JON KRAKAUER With tens of thousands of patients dying every year from preventable medical errors, it is imperativ...
JON PORTER Some people say that their pets will tell them when it's time to go. I don't believe that. N...
JON KATZ A border collie named Orson inspired me to buy a 110-acre farm with four barns and a sheep. That led...
JON KATZ If you're going to love animals and have a life with them, the odds are you're going to lose...
JON KATZ Some rescue groups are highly organized, experienced, well-funded, nearly professional. Others are s...
JON KATZ It's easy to see why dog rescue is a mushrooming culture. Turning a troubled person's life a...
JON KATZ Lifetime dogs intersect with our lives with particular impact; they're dogs we love in especiall...
JON KATZ Most Americans acquire dogs impulsively and for dubious reasons: as a Christmas gift for the kids. B...
JON KATZ There is no evidence that an animal can take on the sophisticated task of deciding to end his life a...
JON KATZ When I wrote about media and technology, I had a lot of lonely, even intimate book talks. Since writ...
JON KATZ I'm one of those people who has always struggled with emotions and revealing them. When my dog O...
JON KATZ Kids leave us and go off on their own lives. Family members tell us what they think of us. Animals c...
JON KATZ When an animal dies, it gives you the chance to love another animal. That's an insightful and pr...
JON KATZ It is possible to take something beautiful and lasting out of the heart-wrenching experience of seei...
JON KATZ A good breeder or experienced rescue agency wants you to prove that you'll be a capable caretake...
JON KATZ Taking responsibility and having faith in your own judgment will help you make good choices and deci...
JON KATZ When you write about animals, of course, you are really writing about the people who love and live w...
JON KATZ The Perfect Dog is an enticing fantasy pooch. It's the dog that instantly learns to pee outdoors...
JON KATZ Dogs and other animals - goats, donkeys, cows, a grumpy rooster - continue to change my writing life...
JON KATZ My goats are not contemplative, accepting, or introspective. They are the Greek chorus of my farm, s...
JON KATZ There is no evidence that dogs have the kind of complex emotional lives and value systems that we do...
JON KATZ I'm always happy when people choose to get another dog because it's a healthy and healing th...
JON KATZ I think of animals more as spirits that come and go. They enter our lives at a particular time and t...
JON KATZ It's important to remember that the animals are not grieving with us. They're very accepting...
JON KATZ Why is it that if you take advantage of a corporate tax break you're a smart businessman, but if...
JON STEWART The two biggest things that translate from the pitching mound to hunting and fishing are patience an...
JON LESTER One gets the impression that Elvis Presley does what his business advisors think will be most profit...
JON LANDAU The best thing is to go public only when you're absolutely sure that's the right move for th...
JON ORINGER That's the fun of going to a high school reunion: it's seeing the people who you were close ...
JON HURWITZ Presently, the Commission for Commemorating 350 Years of American Jewish History has been brought ab...
JON PORTER There is a lack of talent in technology, and we need to be encouraging kids in school to learn how t...
JON ORINGER Animals have come to mean so much in our lives. We live in a fragmented and disconnected culture. Po...
JON KATZ I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house...
JON STEWART When you get together with childhood friends, for example, there's an intimacy that you instantl...
JON TENNEY The Rolling Stones have been the best of all possible worlds: they have the lack of pretension and s...
JON LANDAU I'm just thankful I'm surrounded by good people.
JON PARDI Expand the definition of 'reading' to include non-fiction, humor, graphic novels, magazines,...
JON SCIESZKA Given that religious faith is an intrinsic element of human experience, it is best to approach and e...
JON MEACHAM Having a college degree gave me the opportunity to be... well-rounded. Also, the people I met at the...
JON SECADA I'm a funny guy. You've got to be able to make fun of yourself. We only live once.
JON PARDI First of all, this whole idea of this one percent versus the 99 percent, it's a false statistic....
JON LOVITZ If heaven is understood more as God's space on earth than as an ethereal region apart from the e...
JON MEACHAM Gallien cứ băn khoăn không hiểu liệu có phải anh đã nhặt ở cuối bang thứ bốn...
JON KRAKAUER Ten years of character development affords you a lot. You get a chance to dig deeper and deeper and ...
JON TENNEY Bob Dylan may be the Charlie Chaplin of rock n' roll. Both men are regarded as geniuses by their...
JON LANDAU It didn't matter that Charlie Chaplin may not have been a great director or a great anything els...
JON LANDAU I held top-secret security clearance.
JON OSSOFF I don't view any of the hits I've ever written as the climax of my career. They're just ...
JON BELLION I worked on Capitol Hill for five years, and I saw how things work and how they do not. I saw the pa...
JON OSSOFF It would be great if politics were fact-based, but it is not, and it is surely not nuance-based. Wha...
JON MEACHAM I do not believe 'Newsweek' is the only catcher in the rye between democracy and ignorance, ...
JON MEACHAM We played Carnegie Hall, and that was one time where I felt... Carnegie Hall as a legendary, very ve...
JON BATISTE It would be wonderful if the public sector were always great, or always terrible; or if the private ...
JON MEACHAM If you look at the mythology of aliens, there's a lot about gold. It's about them coming for...
JON FAVREAU We've come from the same history - 2000 years of persecution - we've just expressed our sufferings d...
JON STEWART An unexamined faith is not worth having, for fundamentalism and uncritical certitude entail the reje...
JON MEACHAM Everybody goes to clinics, to hospitals, to doctors, and so on. Some people go to Planned Parenthood...
JON KYL I don't have the identity of any of them. I only had the nicks that they used on Internet Relay ...
JON JOHANSEN I know when I started I would have been happy to sound like the Beatles or Joe Tex or whoever. You w...
JON ANDERSON Greed, envy, sloth, pride and gluttony: these are not vices anymore. No, these are marketing tools. ...
JON FOREMAN I was much crazier than I had imagined. Or maybe it was a bad idea to read DSM-IV when you're not a ...
JON RONSON The DSM-IV-TR is a 943-page textbook published by the American Psychiatric Association that sells fo...
JON RONSON I would say television is a focus, and expanding our channel platform is a focus. As for buying libr...
JON FELTHEIMER I've had a lot of crappy jobs, but one of my favorites was working as a commercial fisherman in ...
JON KRAKAUER Anybody can be going from being broke to being wealthy, as I did.
JON LOVITZ The decisions you make affect a lot of people. You have investors, employees, and customers who all ...
JON ORINGER There's definitely evidence that capitalism at its most ruthless rewards psychopathic behavior. ...
JON RONSON Bites are usually not random attacks by strays. The great majority of biting dogs belong to a family...
JON KATZ I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.
JON STEWART Heaven, for me, is one focused project - it's like a weird form of autism.
JON KRAKAUER For years, I was watching other people have so much fun playing out their version of authorship, lik...
JON FAVREAU The problem for those who assert biblical authority in support of traditional definitions of marriag...
JON MEACHAM Justified or not, the Supreme Court has a kind of sacred status in American life. For whatever reaso...
JON MEACHAM Under current law volunteers who are not working with an official nonprofit organization are not cov...
JON PORTER The real truth is that the Obama administration is professional at bullying, as we have witnessed wi...
JON VOIGHT Between the theme parks and the movies, the Disney iconography was probably the first set of archety...
JON FAVREAU To ensure we are meeting the demands of existing customers while also attracting new users, we remai...
JON ORINGER If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack u...
JON STEWART History tells us that America does best when the private sector is energetic and entrepreneurial and...
JON MEACHAM We must do all we can to empower parents and communities to protect our youth and to encourage healt...
JON CORZINE Extremists often derive their inspiration from literal interpretations of texts that should rightly ...
JON MEACHAM Elton John can be a master of the sleight of hand. The arrangements make it seem like there are subs...
JON LANDAU I taught elementary school and painted apartments for ten years. Now I write full-time and never hav...
JON SCIESZKA There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people ...
JON STEWART I don't 'handle' people. It's so much easier to manipulate actors than to really hav...
JON FAVREAU Barry White seemed so filled with self-parody at first that it was easy to dismiss him. But it is be...
JON LANDAU The Patriot Act removed major legal barriers that prevented the law enforcement, intelligence, and n...
JON PORTER I am a southerner who grew up with and around guns. I own some still. My father gave me a .22 rifle ...
JON MEACHAM Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle betwe...
JON STEWART I play trumpet. And I took all the music courses in college, so I can also play the string instrumen...
JON TESTER Many entrepreneurs have shifted their focus to pursuing VC funding as a primary strategic priority i...
JON ORINGER I don't know that a movie like 'Daredevil' did better for having Ben Affleck then 'S...
JON FAVREAU One of the earliest resurrection scenes in the Bible is that of Thomas demanding evidence - he wante...
JON MEACHAM What's fun about chefs is that they're big guys, often, and they might not look like the mos...
JON FAVREAU War is big business. It's a lot of money going to and fro, and unfortunately a lot of angst, and...
JON ANDERSON Earliest musical memory is probably being scared stiff with my family's band as a youngster on s...
JON BATISTE You show people playing poker or hacking into a computer; it feels so significant in the script, and...
JON FAVREAU