Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.


Stephen Hawking

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Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
STEPHEN HAWKING
Stephen Hawking said he spent most of his first couple of years at Cambridge reading science fiction...
FREDERIK POHL
If my life wasn't funny, it would just be true, and that's unacceptable.
CARRIE FISHER
I never thought I would become amazing. I never thought I would be as great as my father. I would li...
LUCY HAWKING
I would love to photograph Stephen Hawking. I am just fascinated by science, I really am.
HELENA CHRISTENSEN
I firmly believe in what Stephen Hawking says - that if we don't get off this planet, we're ...
JOLENE BLALOCK
If we weren't running deficits, if we weren't spending more than we were taking in, there wo...
RON JOHNSON
I'd always need a creative outlet. But sometimes, I do fantasize what my life would be like if I...
JODIE FOSTER
In 2002, a Scottish journalist, during a dinner meant to be private, absolutely wanted me to react t...
PETER HIGGS
ALS does not affect cognitive process. Stephen Hawking, one of smartest people on the planet, has AL...
STEVE GLEASON
Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help m...
BILL GATES
I'm not as famous as Stephen Hawking, but certainly in the U.S., I have a very high profile for ...
NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON
If it weren't for the rocks in its bed, the stream would have no song.
CARL PERKINS
If I grew up in 'da hood,' it would make my story so much more interesting - if I had someth...
PALMER LUCKEY
Landing the role of Stephen Hawking was the most positively surprising thing that has happened to me...
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH
Elon Musk, Stephen Hawking, and others have stated that they think AI is an existential risk. I disa...
RAMEZ NAAM
If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
GEORGE GOBEL
It was sort of that in-between area when people don't talk about their personal lives. That'...
LAURA INNES
I'm ambitious. But if I weren't as talented as I am ambitious, I would be a gross monstrosit...
MADONNA CICCONE
If you weren't a risk-taker, you were always going to be a step behind. You could be the best cy...
TYLER HAMILTON
The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.
DANIEL J. BOORSTIN
If it weren't for radio programs like 'The George Jarkesy Show,' no one would know about...
EDWARD KLEIN
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen r...
JOHNNY CARSON
The fact is that we wouldn't be in Iraq if it weren't for Democrats like Senator Kerry.
HOWARD DEAN
Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
AL BOLISKA
You know what I'm intrigued by? Like, space and wormholes and Stephen Hawking's theories and...
PEACHES GELDOF
If I weren't a performer, I would be still be writing and songwriting. Plus, I also really want ...
MANIKA
For 35 years, I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren't funny. Some of them w...
AL FRANKEN
If architects weren't arrogant, they wouldn't be architects. I don't know a modest good ...
PHILIP JOHNSON
That's what liberalism is all about, is promoting incompetence on the basis it's fair, becau...
RUSH LIMBAUGH
It would be a great vacation to act in a movie if I weren't directing it. But to do it while you...
SYDNEY POLLACK
I don't think the show would be funny to you if you didn't already have a base of informatio...
SAMANTHA BEE
If you look at shows like 'Def Comedy Jam' in its heyday, there were so many really funny, t...
AISHA TYLER
If my life wasn't funny it would just be true, and that is unacceptable.
CARRIE FISHER
There's really nothing else I'm going to do with my life. I'd be useless if I weren'...
TARYN MANNING
When we began working on Parque Pumalin, rumours flew that we were establishing a nuclear waste site...
DOUGLAS TOMPKINS
I don't want to look back and be like, 'You had it all, and you weren't even present for...
MACKLEMORE
Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble.
TAYLOR HAWKINS
If I weren't acting, I would own my own chocolate shop in Paris. I would be a nice, overweight p...
EMMA BELL
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
PHYLLIS DILLER
He never admitted anything, even on his deathbed. He was a deluded liar. If it weren't for my fa...
ANNE HECHE
Ultimately, my Ph.D. is in mathematical physics, focusing on quantum field theory and curved space-t...
NATHAN MYHRVOLD
I think it would be an extreme poverty indeed if there weren't more than one person willing to c...
MARTIN O'MALLEY
No country could claim to be civilized if its legal system weren't available to everyone in it.
SYDNEY POLLACK
When I think of myself, I think of Toronto. My music would never sound the way it does if it weren&#...
DRAKE
If it weren't for painting, I wouldn't live; I couldn't bear the extra strain of things.
WINSTON CHURCHILL
Acting means living, it's all I do and all I'm good at. If I weren't getting paid well, ...
MORGAN FREEMAN
Like I've always said, love wouldn't be blind if the braille weren't so damned much fun.
ARMISTEAD MAUPIN
You can't be funny if you don't have good material.
MATT LEBLANC
I can't be funny if my feet don't feel right.
BILLY CRYSTAL
Lesbian humor isn't trying to sell anything, it doesn't have to sell out. Coming out as a le...
KATE CLINTON
Our characters were antiseptic but we weren't. And if you remember what we did on BATMAN, as the...
BURT WARD
It used to be that film stars didn't want to do TV, and actors weren't singing, and singers ...
TIKA SUMPTER
Maybe one of the only things I do well: I cook like a maniac! I would be a chef if I weren't an ...
IAN SOMERHALDER
I don't need drugs to make my life tragic.
EDDIE VEDDER
When you see things upside down, the ego can be extraordinarily funny; it's absurd. But it's...
ALEJANDRO GONZALEZ INARRITU
If it weren't for the mentorship and guidance from people like my mother, James Brown and others...
AL SHARPTON
If I weren't a writer, I think I might have thrown myself more enthusiastically into advertising...
PHILIP KERR
I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS
If it weren't for Liberace, there would be no Madonna or Lady Gaga, Elton John, Bette Midler, or...
ROBIN LEACH
We definitely weren't poor growing up, but we weren't rich.
MATT KEMP
If it weren't for the Internet, WWE probably wouldn't even know my name. If I had to rely on...
DANIEL BRYAN
You know, if it weren't for these fans, I wouldn't have gotten as far as I did.
ADAM LAMBERT
A lot of times I feel I probably would have ended up in a mental hospital if it weren't for the ...
ERIC MILLEGAN
If it weren't for how esoteric the art world likes to be, I would love actually to play the musi...
DAMIAN LOEB
If I weren't performing, there is a real chance that I would be a 'One Man, Two Guvnors'...
SPENCER KAYDEN
If I weren't the way I am, I shouldn't write my symphonies.
GUSTAV MAHLER
Sometimes people need a kick in the pants to get them to do what they would be doing if government w...
CAL THOMAS
Life lives on life - it is cruel, but it is God's will. And it is for our good, of course, becau...
ANTONIE VAN LEEUWENHOEK
Making modern games funny would be easy as pie if it was anybody's goal to actually make a funny...
DOUG TENNAPEL
I'm sure I wouldn't have been asked to judge the Man Booker if it weren't for 'Downt...
DAN STEVENS
I went through my whole life wanting to feel I belonged. I was very, very lonely, so I would marry p...
LANA WOOD
It used to be presumed that if you weren't at your desk working, you weren't working, But we...
DAVID CHIPPERFIELD
Professor Hawking is heralded as 'the genius of Britain,' yet he believes in the scientific ...
KIRK CAMERON
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no ...
ROBERT ORBEN
It would be tragic, if not senseless, if an unnecessary war broke out over these differences.
RICHARD HOLBROOKE
If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?
CASEY AFFLECK
It's hard for people sometimes to relate to me. They weren't in the military, they weren'...
J. R. MARTINEZ
Many writers secretly long to be performers. You always get the 'if you weren't a writer'...
JENNIFER WEINER
I'm thankful for the incredible advances in medicine that have taken place during my lifetime. I...
BILLY GRAHAM
I can't imagine actually singing on this show like I did on 'Felicity', but it would be ...
AMY JO JOHNSON
I don't know if I would've had the opportunity to be on 'Wizards of Waverly Place' i...
SELENA GOMEZ
I don't like hawking 'round other people's memories. That wasn't part of the deal wh...
HUGO PRATT
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewere, would muc...
TERRY PRATCHETT
There are 15 main theories in physics, and we know all of them. If there weren't a finite number...
IVAR GIAEVER
I would be embarrassed to tell you how many folks ran saying that they weren't going to spend a ...
MICK MULVANEY
I don't look down on tourism. I live in Hawaii where we have 7 million visitors a year. If they ...
PAUL THEROUX
If it weren't for Moore's law changing the playing field continuously, I would have been lon...
JOHN CARMACK
If you can remember anything about the sixties, you weren't really there.
PAUL KANTNER
If I could play any role in any musical, it would be Desiree in 'A Little Night Music' - Oh ...
NANCY ALLEN
It would be great if people returned to areas of the country that need talented people with good eco...
J. D. VANCE
It would be tragic if we rebuilt New Orleans and left if no safer than it was two weeks ago.
SCOTT FABER
All of us are mad. If it weren't for the fact every one of us is slightly abnormal, there wouldn...
UGO BETTI
I've been called funny. I assume my wife thinks I'm funny. But generally, if you bumped into...
ROBERT WEBB
It's a fun job, but it's stressful because you have to be funny. You have to have punch line...
STEVE BREEN
When I was in high school, the genders were so separate from each other. If you weren't 'dat...
S. E. HINTON
If I weren't doing what I'm doing today... I'd be traveling around the world on the back...
DONNA KARAN
Everything I do is for my parents, None of this matters without them. If it weren't for them, I ...
J. R. SMITH
I don't steer towards anything. I steer towards character and truth. If it's funny then so b...
TATE TAYLOR
If I weren't earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run...
CHARLES BARKLEY

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It matters if you just don't give up.
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It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value.
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To confine our attention to terrestrial matters would be to limit the human spirit.
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The usual approach of science of constructing a mathematical model cannot answer the questions of wh...
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There could be whole antiworlds and antipeople made out of antiparticles. However, if you ever meet ...
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I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was able to reason.
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As scientists, we step on the shoulders of science, building on the work that has come before us - a...
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We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can unders...
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All my adult life people have been helping me.
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Time travel used to be thought of as just science fiction, but Einstein's general theory of rela...
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However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at.
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Keeping an active mind has been vital to my survival, as has been maintaining a sense of humor.
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We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn...
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Science is not only a disciple of reason but, also, one of romance and passion.
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Science is beautiful when it makes simple explanations of phenomena or connections between different...
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Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.
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In less than a hundred years, we have found a new way to think of ourselves. From sitting at the cen...
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I believe things cannot make themselves impossible.
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No one undertakes research in physics with the intention of winning a prize. It is the joy of discov...
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I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the...
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People won't have time for you if you are always angry or complaining.
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There is no heaven or afterlife for broken-down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid o...
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I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heave...
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My advice to other disabled people would be, concentrate on things your disability doesn't preve...
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I can't say that my disability has helped my work, but it has allowed me to concentrate on resea...
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The past, like the future, is indefinite and exists only as a spectrum of possibilities.
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In my school, the brightest boys did math and physics, the less bright did physics and chemistry, an...
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To my mathematical brain, the numbers alone make thinking about aliens perfectly rational. The real ...
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If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn't t...
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Sometimes I wonder if I'm as famous for my wheelchair and disabilities as I am for my discoverie...
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Scientists have become the bearers of the torch of discovery in our quest for knowledge.
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My three children have brought me great joy.
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I have a full and satisfying life. My work and my family are very important to me.
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It is extremely important to me to write for children.
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Most people don't have time to master the very mathematical details of theoretical physics.
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The fastest manned vehicle in history was Apollo 10. It reached 25,000 mph.
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I don't care much for equations myself. This is partly because it is difficult for me to write t...
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I first had the idea of writing a popular book about the universe in 1982. My intention was partly t...
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There is nothing bigger or older than the universe.
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I want my books sold on airport bookstalls.
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If you believe in science, like I do, you believe that there are certain laws that are always obeyed...
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I have wanted to fly into space for many years, but never imagined it would really be feasible.
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Wagner manages to convey emotion with music better than anyone, before or since.
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The doctor who diagnosed me with ALS, or motor neuron disease, told me that it would kill me in two ...
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M-theory is the unified theory Einstein was hoping to find.
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It now appears that the way the universe began can indeed be determined, using imaginary time.
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My wife and I love each other very much.
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As a child, I wanted to know how things worked and to control them. With a friend, I built a number ...
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Perhaps one day I will go into space.
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Cosmology is a rapidly advancing field.
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I wouldn't be here today if it were not for the NHS. I have received a large amount of high-qual...
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I enjoy all forms of music - pop, classical and opera.
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Our minds work in real time, which begins at the Big Bang and will end, if there is a Big Crunch - w...
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Science can lift people out of poverty and cure disease. That, in turn, will reduce civil unrest.
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Many badly needed goals, like fusion and cancer cure, would be achieved much sooner if we invested m...
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My discovery that black holes emit radiation raised serious problems of consistency with the rest of...
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I want to know why the universe exists, why there is something greater than nothing.
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Nothing cannot exist forever.
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I can't disguise myself with a wig and dark glasses - the wheelchair gives me away.
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God not only plays dice, He also sometimes throws the dice where they cannot be seen.
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What was God doing before the divine creation?
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I think the brain is essentially a computer and consciousness is like a computer program. It will ce...
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There's no way to remove the observer - us - from our perceptions of the world.
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Exploration by real people inspires us.
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Time travel was once considered scientific heresy, and I used to avoid talking about it for fear of ...
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God may exist, but science can explain the universe without the need for a creator.
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I believe everyone should have a broad picture of how the universe operates and our place in it. It ...
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There is a real danger that computers will develop intelligence and take over. We urgently need to d...
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The radiation left over from the Big Bang is the same as that in your microwave oven but very much l...
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Although September 11 was horrible, it didn't threaten the survival of the human race, like nucl...
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If I had to choose a superhero to be, I would pick Superman. He's everything that I'm not.
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Cambridge is one of the best universities in the world, especially in my field.
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Philosophers have not kept up with modern developments in science. Particularly physics.
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If you understand the universe, you control it, in a way.
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No one can resist the idea of a crippled genius.
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I'm never any good in the morning. It is only after four in the afternoon that I get going.
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There are no black holes in the sense of regimes from which light can't escape to infinity.
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Although almost every theoretical physicist agrees with my prediction that a black hole should glow ...
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We lived in a tall, narrow Victorian house, which my parents had bought very cheaply during the war,...
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I have so much that I want to do. I hate wasting time.
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I don't think the human race will survive the next thousand years, unless we spread into space.
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When we understand string theory, we will know how the universe began. It won't have much effect...
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I'm not afraid of death, but I'm in no hurry to die. I have so much I want to do first.
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We should seek the greatest value of our action.
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It is no good getting furious if you get stuck. What I do is keep thinking about the problem but wor...
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There could be shadow galaxies, shadow stars, and even shadow people.
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If the rate of expansion one second after the Big Bang had been smaller by even one part in a hundre...
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I am just a child who has never grown up. I still keep asking these 'how' and 'why' ...
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I would like nuclear fusion to become a practical power source. It would provide an inexhaustible su...
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Even if it turns out that time travel is impossible, it is important that we understand why it is im...
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Not only does God play dice, but... he sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen.
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There is no unique picture of reality.
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Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it.
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We are all now connected by the Internet, like neurons in a giant brain.
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Many people find the universe confusing - it's not.
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There are plenty of dead scientists I admire, but I can't think of any living ones. This is prob...
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We think we have solved the mystery of creation. Maybe we should patent the universe and charge ever...
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God not only plays dice, but also sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen.
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We are all different. There is no such thing as a standard or run-of-the-mill human being, but we sh...
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Life on Earth is at the ever-increasing risk of being wiped out by a disaster, such as sudden global...
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I think we have a good chance of surviving long enough to colonize the solar system.
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It is generally recognised that women are better than men at languages, personal relations and multi...
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Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing.
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One can't predict the weather more than a few days in advance.
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I believe the universe is governed by the laws of science. The laws may have been decreed by God, bu...
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Women. They are a complete mystery.
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People who boast about their I.Q. are losers.
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I entered the health care debate in response to a statement in the United States press in summer 200...
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There are grounds for cautious optimism that we may now be near the end ofthe search for the ultimat...
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Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
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My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus."
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For years, my early work with Roger Penrose seemed to be a disaster for science. It showed that the ...
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While physics and mathematics may tell us how the universe began, they are not much use in predictin...
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I'm an atheist.
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Obviously, because of my disability, I need assistance. But I have always tried to overcome the limi...
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I was born on January 8, 1942, exactly three hundred years after the death of Galileo. I estimate, h...
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I don't want to write an autobiography because I would become public property with no privacy le...
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In my opinion, there is no aspect of reality beyond the reach of the human mind.
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There is no physical law precluding particles from being organised in ways that perform even more ad...
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I had not expected 'A Brief History of Time' to be a best seller. It was my first popular bo...
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My first popular book, 'A Brief History of Time,' aroused a great deal of interest, but many...
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Stem cell research is the key to developing cures for degenerative conditions like Parkinson's a...
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'The Simpsons' appearances were great fun. But I don't take them too seriously. I think ...
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I believe alien life is quite common in the universe, although intelligent life is less so. Some say...
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When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have.
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I had a bet with Gordon Kane of Michigan University that the Higgs particle wouldn't be found.
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A few years ago, the city council of Monza, Italy, barred pet owners from keeping goldfish in curved...
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We live in a bewildering world.
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There are too many accidents that can befall life on a single planet.
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Science is increasingly answering questions that used to be the province of religion.
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Imaginary time is a new dimension, at right angles to ordinary, real time.
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The Planck satellite may detect the imprint of the gravitational waves predicted by inflation. This ...
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The whole history of science has been the gradual realization that events do not happen in an arbitr...
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In Britain, like most of the developed world, stem-cell research is regarded as a great opportunity....
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I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change...
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This required abandoning the idea that there is a universal quantity called time that all clocks mea...
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It is a waste of time to be angry about my disability. One has to get on with life and I haven't don...
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If human life were long enough to find the ultimate theory, everything would have been solved by pre...
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I think that it's important for scientists to explain their work, particularly in cosmology. This no...
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My publisher told me that the number of readers of this book will be inversely proportional to the n...
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We shouldn't be surprised that conditions in the universe are suitable for life, but this is not evi...
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We could call order by the name of God, but it would be an impersonal God. There's not much personal...
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The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.
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Not only does God play dice with the Universe - he sometimes casts them where they can't be seen.
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My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exi...
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For millions of years, mankind lived just like the animals. Then something happened which unleashed ...
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Equations are just the boring part of mathematics. I attempt to see things in terms of geometry.
STEPHEN HAWKING
When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have
STEPHEN HAWKING
I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was able to reason
STEPHEN HAWKING
It's a pity that nobody has found an exploding black hole. If they had, I would have won a Nobel...
STEPHEN HAWKING
Some forms of motor neuron disease are genetically linked, but I have no indication that my kind is....
STEPHEN HAWKING
The universe is governed by science. But science tells us that we can't solve the equations, dir...
STEPHEN HAWKING
The cyclic universe theory predicts no gravitational waves from the early universe.
STEPHEN HAWKING
If I had a time machine, I'd visit Marilyn Monroe in her prime or drop in on Galileo as he turne...
STEPHEN HAWKING
I was not a good student. I did not spend much time at college; I was too busy enjoying myself.
STEPHEN HAWKING
It was Einstein's dream to discover the grand design of the universe, a single theory that expla...
STEPHEN HAWKING
God is the name people give to the reason we are here. But I think that reason is the laws of physic...
STEPHEN HAWKING
If time travel is possible, where are the tourists from the future?
STEPHEN HAWKING
Observations indicate that the universe is expanding at an ever increasing rate. It will expand fore...
STEPHEN HAWKING
My ideal role would be a baddie in a James Bond film. I think the wheelchair and the computer voice ...
STEPHEN HAWKING
Before I lost my voice, it was slurred, so only those close to me could understand, but with the com...
STEPHEN HAWKING
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
STEPHEN HAWKING
I have noticed that even those who assert that everything is predestined and that we can change noth...
STEPHEN HAWKING
When people ask me if a god created the universe, I tell them that the question itself makes no sens...
STEPHEN HAWKING
There is a fundamental difference between religion, which is based on authority, and science, which ...
STEPHEN HAWKING
For millions of years, mankind lived just like the animals. Then something happened which unleashed ...
STEPHEN HAWKING
Even if there is only one possible unified theory, it is just a set of rules and equations. What is ...
STEPHEN HAWKING
So Einstein was wrong when he said, "God does not play dice." Consideration of black holes suggests,...
STEPHEN HAWKING
We got through all of Genesis and part of Exodus before I left. One of the main things I was taught ...
STEPHEN HAWKING
It matters if you just don't give up
STEPHEN HAWKING
In such a massive place as the cosmos we only have to look at ourselves for prove that extremely unl...
STEPHEN HAWKING
I put a lot of effort into writing A Briefer History at a time when I was critically ill with pneumo...
STEPHEN HAWKING
Most sets of values would give rise to universes that, although they might be very beautiful, would ...
STEPHEN HAWKING
When asked, 'What did God do before he created the universe?' St. Augustine didnĀ“t reply, 'he was p...
STEPHEN HAWKING
It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value
STEPHEN HAWKING
If we do discover a complete theory, it should be in time understandable in broad principle by every...
STEPHEN HAWKING