Doug Stanhope quote: "Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early."

Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplish...
DOUG STANHOPE

There's a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though th...
DOUG STANHOPE

Comedy can always be taken the wrong way. If I do a bit that is meant to diffuse racism or sexism, I...
DOUG STANHOPE

I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasn't particularly good looking. Comedy was somethi...
DOUG STANHOPE

I love conspiracy theories. I used to just live on it. You know it's all hype and garbage, but y...
DOUG STANHOPE

I kept a picture of me kissing my dad’s corpse on the forehead in my wallet for years. I’d break...
DOUG STANHOPE

I think it's probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that...
DOUG STANHOPE

If you start to smell some of the shit, you start smelling all of the shit
DOUG STANHOPE

Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.
DOUG STANHOPE

Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.
DOUG STANHOPE

I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the r...
DOUG STANHOPE

I don't ever want to become Bill Maher where I have to find some strong opinion on something jus...
DOUG STANHOPE

The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society.
DOUG STANHOPE

You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour.
DOUG STANHOPE

The Internet has done nothing but good for comedy all around. Comedians no longer have to rely on TV...
DOUG STANHOPE

Make it as easy as possible to become obsessive about hand washing.
WILLIAM STANHOPE

This is wonderful. This is a good news story certainly for Nanaimo and for NALT.
JOE STANHOPE

The containers are supposed to be absolutely vermin-proof.
JOE STANHOPE

We understand that applies to timber harvesting. So we are OK there.
JOE STANHOPE

Those negotiations are at a very sensitive point right now.
JOE STANHOPE

It's a really happy day, there's no question about that. It's all due to the involvement of a lot of...
JOE STANHOPE

Let dull critics feed upon the carcases of plays; give me the taste and the dressing.
PHILIP DORMER STANHOPE

The young leading the young, is like the blind leading the blind; they will both fall into the ditch...
PHILIP DORMER STANHOPE

Can an author with reason complain that he is cramped and shackled if he is not at liberty to publis...
PHILIP DORMER STANHOPE

'All Mr. Pitt's sentiments were liberal and elevated. His ruling passion was an unbounded ambition, ...
PHILIP DORMER STANHOPE

Few men are of one plain, decided color; most are mixed, shaded or blended; and vary as much from di...
PHILIP DORMER STANHOPE

Patience is a most necessary qualification for business; many a man would rather you heard his story...
PHILIP DORMER STANHOPE

I am sure that since I have had the full use of my reason, nobody has heard me laugh.
PHILIP DORMER STANHOPE

A light supper, a good night's sleep, and a fine morning have sometimes made a hero of the same man ...
PHILIP DORMER STANHOPE

Every man becomes, to a certain degree, what the people he generally converses with are.
PHILIP DORMER STANHOPE

Nature has hardly formed a woman ugly enough to be insensible to flattery upon her person; if her fa...
PHILIP DORMER STANHOPE

Flattery, though a base coin, is the necessary pocket money at court; where, by custom and consent, ...
PHILIP DORMER STANHOPE

A man's penmanship is an unfailing index of his character, moral and mental, and a criterion by whic...
PHILIP DORMER STANHOPE

Idleness is only the refuge of weak
minds, and the holiday of fools.
PHILIP DORMER STANHOPE

Ridicule is the best test of truth.
PHILIP DORMER STANHOPE

Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours.
DOUG LARSON

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
DOUG LARSON

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.
DOUG LARSON

The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.
DOUG LARSON

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.
DOUG LARSON

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing ...
DOUG LARSON

I think there's a lot of different ways to win. You've seen teams that win championships wit...
DOUG COLLINS

I populated 'The Bourne Identity' with real characters from American history, specifically c...
DOUG LIMAN

When I was shooting 'The Bourne Identity,' I had a mantra: 'How come you never see James...
DOUG LIMAN

The more real I got on 'The Bourne Identity,' the more interesting it got. So 'Fair Game...
DOUG LIMAN

Ice cream brings people together.
DOUG DUCEY

When hired three years ago, I willingly accepted the challenge of leading the Bulls back to the type...
DOUG COLLINS

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.
DOUG LARSON

Money is good, love is wealth.
DOUG HORTON

I started my career wanting to make a 'James Bond' movie, and I couldn't get hired! I ma...
DOUG LIMAN

I still say a church steeple with a lightening rod on top shows a lack of confidence.
DOUG MCLEOD

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes.
DOUG LARSON

Love is seeing without eyes, hearing without ears; hatred is nothing.
DOUG HORTON

If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, l...
DOUG HORTON

Love is a given, hatred is acquired.
DOUG HORTON

If food were free, why work?
DOUG HORTON

Death is the final wake-up call.
DOUG HORTON

To awake from death is to die in peace.
DOUG HORTON

Death is feared as birth is forgotten.
DOUG HORTON

The stars up there at night are closer than you think.
DOUG DILLON

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.
DOUG LARSON

Long-range planning works best in the short term
DOUG EVELYN

Perfection is perfectly simple; fouling things up requires true skill.
DOUG HORTON

The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.
DOUG LARSON

We are all serving a life sentence, and good behavior is our only hope for a pardon.
DOUG HORTON

Learn to pause... or nothing worthwhile will catch up to you.
DOUG KING

The harder you fall, the higher you bounce.
DOUG HORTON

Beauty is variable, ugliness is constant.
DOUG HORTON

Boring people are a reflection of boring people.
DOUG HORTON

Born to be wild -- live to outgrow it.
DOUG HORTON

It's easy to cry 'bug' when the truth is that you've got a complex system and sometimes it takes a w...
DOUG VARGAS

No one can drive us crazy unless we give them the keys.
DOUG HORTON

Conscience is the window of our spirit, evil is the curtain.
DOUG HORTON

Seeing the light is a choice, not seeing the light is no choice.
DOUG HORTON

Good ideas are a dime a dozen, bad ones are free.
DOUG HORTON

First rule of Economics 101: our desires are insatiable. Second rule: we can stomach only three Big ...
DOUG HORTON

Search for meaning, eat, sleep. Search for meaning, eat, sleep. Die, search for meaning, search for ...
DOUG HORTON

Desperation is like stealing from the Mafia: you stand a good chance of attracting the wrong attenti...
DOUG HORTON

Be your own hero, it's cheaper than a movie ticket.
DOUG HORTON

Live to learn, learn to live, then teach others.
DOUG HORTON

As the fly bangs against the window attempting freedom while the door stands open, so we bang agains...
DOUG HORTON

If the destination is heaven, why do we scramble to be first in line for hell?
DOUG HORTON

The key to heaven's gate cannot be duplicated.
DOUG HORTON

Remember only the good, the bad will never forget you.
DOUG HORTON

There is no bad in good.
DOUG HORTON

If it looks like shit, smells like shit, mail it to your enemy... he'll know what to do with it.
DOUG HORTON

Action cures fear, inaction creates terror.
DOUG HORTON

Usually a person has more faith in their fear than faith in their future.
DOUG FIREBAUGH

Being sorry is the highest act of selfishness, seeing value only after discarding it.
DOUG HORTON

Change occurs in direct proportion to dissatisfaction, but dissatisfaction never changes.
DOUG HORTON

Born a saint, die a sinner -- born a sinner, die a saint.
DOUG HORTON

Smile, it's free therapy.
DOUG HORTON

Smile, it's better than a poke in the eye.
DOUG HORTON

While seeking revenge, dig two graves -- one for yourself.
DOUG HORTON

Top presenters have total control of their fears. They make fear their slave, not the master.
DOUG MALOUF

Toys are the greatest inspiration for me. People never really grow up. They just get bigger adult bo...
DOUG TAYLOR

We may not always get what we want, but surely we will get what we deserve.
DOUG HORTON

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing pole...
DOUG LARSON

If wishes were fishes we'd all be throwing nets. If wishes were horses we'd all ride.
DOUG HORTON

Drive slow and enjoy the scenery -- drive fast and join the scenery.
DOUG HORTON

Integrity is not something that you should have to think about...nor consider doing...but something ...
DOUG FIREBAUGH

To hit bottom is to fall from grace.
DOUG HORTON

Materialism is the only form of distraction from true bliss.
DOUG HORTON

Why ask why? If it's raining it just is.
DOUG HORTON

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.
DOUG LARSON

You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note.
DOUG FLOYD

Long-range planning works best in the short term.
DOUG EVELYN

The reason people blame things on the previous generations is that there's only one other choice.
DOUG LARSON

The art of simplicity is a puzzle of complexity.
DOUG HORTON

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.
DOUG LARSON

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. -Doug Lar...
DOUG LARSON

The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerat...
DOUG ENGELBART

When all is lost, ask the I.R.S. -- they'll find something.
DOUG HORTON

You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note.
DOUG FLOYD

If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.
DOUG LARSON

MTV is the lava lamp of the 1980's.
DOUG FERRARI

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
DOUG LARSON

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
DOUG LARSON

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.
DOUG LARSON

My daughter is very strong-willed and is a great kid. She doesn't drink. She doesn't smoke. ...
DOUG FLUTIE

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.
DOUG LARSON

I mean people up here aren't stupid, I'm lower gene pool and I kind of sit in amazement at w...
DOUG OSE

I think making a great action movie is one of the hardest cinematic endeavors. By definition, smart ...
DOUG LIMAN

I'm not cool with ACORN or the working families' party, or people that vote like democrats a...
DOUG HOFFMAN

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
DOUG LARSON

There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.
DOUG LARSON

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of hom...
DOUG LARSON

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!
DOUG LARSON

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.
DOUG LARSON

Somehow super power and hero are so synonymous that they get combined into one word, 'superhero,...
DOUG LIMAN

Football is my profession now. I'm getting married in August... It's a new experience for me...
DOUG FLUTIE

A safe, affordable and plentiful supply of food is a national security issue.
DOUG OSE

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.
DOUG LARSON

Biotech research is incredibly important for health-care innovation.
DOUG DUCEY

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of ...
DOUG LARSON

Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.
DOUG LARSON

The flow. Yeah. Knowing you could step on the court and make it happen. You practiced, sure. But the...
DOUG WILHELM

I usually don't find myself reacting to my characters. I just create them ... And let the audien...
DOUG HUTCHISON

To say that I'm going to veto something that I haven't read is just - or sign something that...
DOUG DUCEY

Earning a certificate or degree, or both, after high school opens the door to countless economic opp...
DOUG DUCEY

Sometimes it just feels really really wonderful to be alive.
DOUG COUPLAND

'Planet Caravan' by Black Sabbath is such a delicate song from such a surprising place.
DOUG AITKEN

I have a TV Soap Boomerang award, and I always start my year with the Australian Open tennis! Tennis...
DOUG DAVIDSON

Thriving economies on both sides of the border is a win-win for Arizona and Mexico, but that will on...
DOUG DUCEY

I am a forthright defender of the right to bear arms - which is guaranteed not only by the U.S. Cons...
DOUG DUCEY

As governor, I want to make sure that Arizona's hardworking taxpayers get to keep more of what t...
DOUG DUCEY

The gaming world is a complete mystery to me! Well, I did play Pac Man and Frogger using big machine...
DOUG JONES

We are engaging with so many art forms at once in the 21st century, but we're presented with the...
DOUG AITKEN

By working together, we can make Arizona a place where everyone has an opportunity for a better life...
DOUG DUCEY

We're talking about being relevant again. I want the Sixers to be on people's tongues again....
DOUG COLLINS

Communication is paramount, and what medium or what format you utilize should be a non-issue. In som...
DOUG AITKEN

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
DOUG LARSON

Give me 10 high school pitchers, let me spend a week with them, and I'll show you 10 pitchers wh...
DOUG HARVEY

As CEO of Cold Stone Creamery, we used a concept called 'search and reapply,' which meant th...
DOUG DUCEY

I think being in love with life is a key to eternal youth.
DOUG HUTCHISON

Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.
DOUG LARSON

There’s a drive in a lost soul—in one that is searching for acceptance, companionship, belonging...
DOUG COOPER

The crew members for 'The Price Is Right' at night are the same guys who work 'Y&R&#...
DOUG DAVIDSON

Questions from earlier circle like buzzards. Am I running away or moving forward?
DOUG COOPER

We should empower teachers to do their job by cutting wasteful spending and crippling bureaucracy, n...
DOUG DUCEY

What I really found was that the one similarity between 'Covert Affairs' and 'Fair Game&...
DOUG LIMAN

States with better-educated citizens also see economic benefits. These states have better luck recru...
DOUG DUCEY

There's really no differentiation between the work I make and the world I live in.
DOUG AITKEN

For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after e...
DOUG LARSON

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doe...
DOUG MACLEOD

A lot of athletes stepped up today. I think every point is going to be important this week.
DOUG AVRIT

There was some very good competition there from all over Sacramento, and Randall did a good job. The...
DOUG AVRIT

I think the younger kids really look up to those seniors. I'll see them sometimes gather around them...
DOUG AVRIT

I just tried to talk to her and get her to settle down after that first big jump, because she was ju...
DOUG AVRIT

We've been working on getting Jessica more speed to the bar, and today everything came together for ...
DOUG AVRIT

The London Stock Exchange is a critical piece on the chess board. So you have to put a big premium o...
DOUG ATKIN

The ISE could buy some of these traditional floor markets that have decent flow, like the Amex. Or i...
DOUG ATKIN

The stocks are certainly more expensive than they were a year ago. People are piling into this space...
DOUG ATKIN

The LSE is the crown jewel of European exchanges. It's the only brand strong enough to get listing r...
DOUG ATKIN

I wanted to tell a 'Rocky'-type story about a girl from the inner city who had the ability, talent a...
DOUG ATCHISON

It was unbelievably difficult to get it made. Studios are extremely allergic to risk. Finally, after...
DOUG ATCHISON

I've already seen the effect the film has on young people, especially girls. We were at the Pan-Amer...
DOUG ATCHISON

I've been spoiled. We didn't have a lot of money but creatively, they were great. When I came into t...
DOUG ATCHISON

She's on every page of the script, so the actress had to be strong and incredible. She displayed suc...
DOUG ATCHISON

This has the potential to be a seminal film. That's if people dig it, and I think they will. This is...
DOUG ATCHISON

The higher cost of money puts a strain on those who were highly leveraged going into it. Developers ...
DOUG ARTUSIO

I'm concerned about the vast number of new deals that are on the table right now when you consider t...
DOUG ARTUSIO

Those are rules that should be followed at any time, but they are even more necessary right now.
DOUG ARTUSIO

I'm worried that a number of these deals will not get done now. A lot of people get caught in the ch...
DOUG ARTUSIO

Gary Pruitt is the best young executive in the group. Right now, I have a hard time getting institut...
DOUG ARTHUR

We're in a very negative phase with the stocks right now.
DOUG ARTHUR

It's a drop in the bucket. It's only meaningful to the extent that it doesn't support the notion tha...
DOUG ARTHUR

You can see the argument around the potential revenue from international editions not being sufficie...
DOUG ARTHUR

Hilary and Art are both pretty young, they were just promoted, and this was their big chance after w...
DOUG ARTHUR

Nobody in the newspaper business has raised guidance in a long time. And let's face it, the shorts g...
DOUG ARTHUR

She has been a pretty strong presence at the company for a long time, and was obviously a big driver...
DOUG ARTHUR

When he first went down, it didn't look good. And he was so close to the bench that he didn't have t...
DOUG ARMSTRONG

We got good news right after the game. He was walking around on his own. It's just a tweak to an inj...
DOUG ARMSTRONG

He's just a difference maker. He's just a kid that intimidates everyone else on the court. You can't...
DOUG ARMSTRONG

In this new system, the star players have to be star players. If they aren't, you are probably not g...
DOUG ARMSTRONG

Philippe has been a consistent performer for our hockey club, and we are looking forward to the next...
DOUG ARMSTRONG

John has a great deal of hockey experience and success on his resume, and he will help us immensely ...
DOUG ARMSTRONG

If you have two guys who are battling hard, who are in an emotional game and who drop the gloves, to...
DOUG ARMSTRONG

You can't counteract whatever teams are doing. We were always worried at one point about what Detroi...
DOUG ARMSTRONG

Dave has done an outstanding job as head coach of this club and we expect that to continue for years...
DOUG ARMSTRONG

Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.

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Doug Stanhope

Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.

Doug Stanhope

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