FastSaying

I've gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower-body garments I own that still fit me comfortably are towels.


Dave Barry

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

Dave Barry Turns 50
DAVE BARRY Even after the dehadhyas (the belief that 'I am the body') has gone, people will say, "I saw you eat...
DADA BHAGWAN I went from 118 pounds to 135 pounds in a few months. But, I still didn't know anything about fo...
WARREN CUCCURULLO People in the middle are sort of treading water. People at the lower end are still falling behind.
FRANK MAURO My Nike Free sneakers add a splash of color and slide on fast, perfect for when I'm rushing to c...
JESSICA SEINFELD So, I think it's one of the few that are actually still rolling around.
WAYNE BARLOW Ten percent of the big fish still remain. There are still some blue whales. There are still some kri...
SYLVIA EARLE He's getting better, ... He's 5-10 and 150 pounds. He's gained about 20 pounds since last year, whic...
DREW PEARSON The Red Sox are built around Curt Schilling, the Giants are built around Barry Bonds. Everybody's go...
ART DOTEN I felt the foul. He got me with a lot of the lower body.
BROOKS MCKOWEN Caricatures created by politics never fit comfortably into the Oval Office.
DAVID K. SHIPLER As a man, casting off worn out garments taketh new ones, so the dweller in the body, entereth into o...
EPICTETUS The average detainee has gained over 6 pounds since being there.
THOMAS BOCK Every bullshit check out, read and watched makes me few percentage stupid and few with a lower IQ. S...
DEYTH BANGER It's like wearing ill-fitting garments, ... They don't quite fit.
DAN SAVAGE Take me to the height where success would seek my help to succeed!
I ARE If I'm still here in this locker room, it's fine with me. I'll wash the towels, I don't care. I'm at...
BRANDON MCCARTHY They wrote that I'd gained 30 pounds over the summer and lost it in a week because I was dating thre...
YASMINE BLEETH I need human feelings to fit garments. I couldn't do it just, like, on an object - it's too ...
ANN DEMEULEMEESTER But, I still can't totally forgive Dave for blowing my world apart. DO YOU HEAR THAT, DAVE?!
K.M. SHEA Fatty tissue stored around the stomach and abdomen carry a greater risk than fat located in the lowe...
ANNE COLLINS I mean, you can?t spot a guy like that a second around this track with only a few laps to go. That w...
NICKY HAYDEN Our purses shall be proud, our garments poor; for 'tis the mind that makes the body rich
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE Never fit a dress to the body but train the body to fit the dress.
ELSA SCHIAPARELLI That figure...is still higher than the total percentage he gained when he was elected last year, whi...
DENNY JANUAR ALI The societal class that remains mostly impacted with price rise and inflation is perhaps only lower ...
ANUJ SOMANY Thou hast a few names even in Sardis which have not defiled their garments; and they shall walk with...
BIBLE [Historian] Kevin Starr has written that "the San Diego free speech battles revealed the depths of r...
JUSTIN AKERS CHACóN Around age 40 I put on twenty pounds. I had always had a perfect metabolism. But, my metabolism betr...
SUZANNE SOMERS She grew three inches (to 5foot-7) and gained 30 pounds.
LINDA HOWARD The moment I saw her, a part of me walked out of my body and wrapped itself around her. And there it...
ARUNDHATI ROY Dehadhyas (the belief that ‘I am the body’) is to continue believing you are someone that you re...
DADA BHAGWAN In a democracy, we expect the government to be tight-fit, transparent outfit that sticks to the body...
JONATHAN CHEN I'm the kind of person to wait until I've gained ten pounds to start exercising.
YASMINE BLEETH There are few women in America that don't want to lose 5 pounds, but I refuse to let that though...
GAIL SIMMONS We gained some more bodies with our younger guys, but of those only one had middle school experience...
ALLEN CARTER One of the few things I still miss from my Midwest childhood was this weird, deluded but unshakable ...
DAVID FOSTER WALLACE The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them.
STEPHEN KING There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class.
JUDITH MARTIN There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class
JUDITH S. MARIN There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class
JUDITH S. MARIN I could always lose five, six pounds. I'm fit enough to pitch. Fit enough to do my job.
JOSH HANCOCK What I personally knew about courting women could comfortably fit into a thimble without taking it o...
PATRICK ROTHFUSS They have ways of working which do not necessarily fit comfortably into the patterns that most peopl...
PHIL SMITH I want to lower taxes for the middle class.
DONALD TRUMP I'm probably not 100 pounds anymore, but around there. I definitely got obsessed with my weight....
DANICA PATRICK Souls are designed to fit inside a body.
ALEX CHIU While keeping the truth firmly entrenched in mind that our own capacities are limited only by our ow...
DR HITESH C SHETH There was a rumor I was walking around at 183 pounds. When I left my room to fight Conor McGregor, I...
NATE DIAZ The average customer comes into McDonald's three to four times a month, and I'm absolutely c...
STEVE EASTERBROOK I still have a leather jacket my brother wore in the '60s. It doesn't fit me, but I figure maybe it'...
ANDY GARCIA Quite a few operas are still being commissioned around the world, although nothing apart from audien...
BRUCE BERESFORD I believe that fitness needs to come from within you. You need to respect your body. Only then will ...
ARJUN RAMPAL Yoga did not just help me with my body, I became fitter from within. It helped me to focus better. I...
SHILPA SHETTY Inventory is definitely moving up there, but we're still in the middle of a seller's market. Homes a...
JAMES ABBOTT It came charging toward me, several hundred pounds of angry-looking monster, and I did the only thin...
JIM BUTCHER The next time Barbie played they had towels ready to hold around her.
BUD COLLINS ive loved an ive falllen but yet until now ive always gotten back up but ur blow to the heart has su...
AMBER FAITH HUN A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement
JESS C. SCOTT I gained 65 pounds with my first baby and 70 with my second. I had severe morning sickness both time...
ISLA FISHER Dave Bowman: Hello, HAL. Do you read me, HAL?
HAL: Affirmative, Dave. I read you.
Dave B...
ARTHUR C. CLARKE There's just too much at stake. And still, she's only 103 pounds.
MEL RAEL We forgot to get sheets," Danny said.
"And dish-towels... I don't own a single dish-towel!" Kev...
FAILTE So I still have a number of years left at this level if I keep myself right. To have 50 caps and sti...
JOHN HARTSON Lower Columbia College is a good fit for me and it's close to home. I like the coaches and they seem...
JOSH TROYER I dont believe in luck. Ive only ever felt lucky finding God and even that was not by chance.
MEG NEZAJ To me the definition of true masculinity - and femininity, too - is being able to lay in your own sk...
VINCENT D'ONOFRIO Bullfights are hugely popular because you can sit comfortably with a hot dog and possibly watch a ma...
ALBERT BROOKS I hurt my knee, and that messed up my running, and boy did that ever just have a cascade effect. I&#...
MIKE HUCKABEE Barry and I were in the middle of building a house, and I was in the midst of having a nervous break...
CYNTHIA WEIL I work on my body to stay fit, but that does not make me superior to anyone. I am a forthright and h...
AMISHA PATEL In my own defense, I wrote a one-man show, and that to me was more where I fit.
CHRISTOPHER MELONI If we all look at life we think how nice, then we look at death and everybody goes oh you can say th...
GARY F EVANS... The only reason to own a diesel now would be to tow an extremely heavy trailer. The heaviest tow rat...
BARRY LEHMER Dave is kind of smack dab in the middle. This will be attractive to voters.
RONALD COLLINS After the season, Barry (Switzer) sent me a telegram and said, 'Congratulations on doing something o...
LAVELL EDWARDS Bullfights are hugely popular because you can sit comfortably with a hot dog and possibly watch a ma...
ALBERT BROOKS I have the background singers of Ray Charles, the background singers of Smokey Robinson, and the bac...
DELLA REESE My mouth is a fire escape.
The words coming out
don’t care that they are naked.
The...
ANDREA GIBSON The only pop acts still here from when I was around are Kylie and Natalie Imbruglia.
DANNII MINOGUE Clothing creates the illusion that bodies fit an aesthetically pleasing norm. And that illusion depe...
VIRGINIA POSTREL The services in wartime are fit only for desperadoes, but in peace are only fit for fools.
BENJAMIN DISRAELI The body power;The body never respect the personality wearing her ,for her sole mission in life is j...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) The human body is a strange & unreligious being,for it thrives on variety.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) WHY DRUGS ASSIST IN HEALING THE BODY;Drugs works in the body because the body is also made up of che...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) I knew a few people from Barry when I was at college. They had a lot of real nice things to say abou...
BRAD PAGE Nothing's changed on my end of the table, ... If I was going to coach in this league, La Crosse woul...
CHAD MILLER What will make you a star is in you
SOTONYE ANGA There's actually been a few situations like that ... Brothers who were Dan and Dave that I've heard ...
DAVE JOHNSON I like how my body feels when I'm in shape; I love how it feels after I work out each day. Fitti...
COLBIE CAILLAT You can tailor garments all you want, but if it doesn't fit in the arms or legs, it never will.
AMAR'E STOUDEMIRE Food Allergies Are Not Due to Food, Rather Are Due to the Constant Contamination of That Food That Y...
THEHEALTHFOODGURU The incident with Dawn hadn't been one of my finer moments. I honestly hadn't expected to break any ...
RICHELLE MEAD The body must stay fit. Fit people like themselves much better.
DIANA VREELAND Walls protect and walls limit. It is in the nature of walls that they should fall. That walls should...
JEANETTE WINTERSON Dave Reichert is vulnerable. He represents a district that Kerry won. He doesn't really fit the dist...
BILL BURTON Dave Reichert is vulnerable. He represents a district that Kerry won. He doesn't really fit the dist...
BILL BURTON With diadem and sceptre high advanced, The lower still I fall; only supreme In misery; such jo...
THOMAS MIDDLETON Many people still believe great men are lucky and that only few people are born to be great
SUNDAY ADELAJA He bade me observe it, and I should always find, that the calamities of life were shared among the u...
DANIEL DEFOE

More Dave Barry

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
DAVE BARRY We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admi...
DAVE BARRY For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
DAVE BARRY What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another pe...
DAVE BARRY Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
DAVE BARRY Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is ...
DAVE BARRY If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
DAVE BARRY Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to a...
DAVE BARRY The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
DAVE BARRY It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
DAVE BARRY Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
DAVE BARRY Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is th...
DAVE BARRY If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
DAVE BARRY The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes i...
DAVE BARRY It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to...
DAVE BARRY The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or...
DAVE BARRY I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a mor...
DAVE BARRY We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless...
DAVE BARRY The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitutio...
DAVE BARRY I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
DAVE BARRY Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on.
DAVE BARRY It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know ...
DAVE BARRY You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident."
DAVE BARRY Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
DAVE BARRY I'd take a nerf bullet for you.
DAVE BARRY What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
DAVE BARRY The first person who decided to say a word instead of throwing a rock can be considered the starter ...
DAVE BARRY It was not that Adam ate the apple for the apple's sake, but because it was forbidden. It would have...
DAVE BARRY I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to r...
DAVE BARRY Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
DAVE BARRY I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.
DAVE BARRY In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is ba...
DAVE BARRY Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see wi...
DAVE BARRY My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormit...
DAVE BARRY Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would b...
DAVE BARRY What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be...
DAVE BARRY Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popula...
DAVE BARRY Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated ...
DAVE BARRY Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.
DAVE BARRY There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who ...
DAVE BARRY The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the ...
DAVE BARRY It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in...
DAVE BARRY In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went...
DAVE BARRY Although Golf was originally restricted to wealthy Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns h...
DAVE BARRY I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any ...
DAVE BARRY The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
DAVE BARRY A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer
DAVE BARRY It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mer...
DAVE BARRY Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the p...
DAVE BARRY The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they...
DAVE BARRY My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
DAVE BARRY The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withst...
DAVE BARRY Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
DAVE BARRY The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas...
DAVE BARRY We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y...
DAVE BARRY Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that h...
DAVE BARRY If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to sa...
DAVE BARRY And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to ta...
DAVE BARRY The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious pe...
DAVE BARRY Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
DAVE BARRY New York Taxi Rules:1. Driver speaks no English.2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace ...
DAVE BARRY Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organiza...
DAVE BARRY Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won...
DAVE BARRY Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
DAVE BARRY Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
DAVE BARRY Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
DAVE BARRY I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Futu...
DAVE BARRY One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a compute...
DAVE BARRY People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with th...
DAVE BARRY Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see wit...
DAVE BARRY We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but ...
DAVE BARRY Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, usi...
DAVE BARRY We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this i...
DAVE BARRY Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
DAVE BARRY American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, includi...
DAVE BARRY Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television witho...
DAVE BARRY Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
DAVE BARRY Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who re...
DAVE BARRY You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
DAVE BARRY Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by...
DAVE BARRY Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
DAVE BARRY Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his ...
DAVE BARRY The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
DAVE BARRY Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
DAVE BARRY I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a goo...
DAVE BARRY Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while ...
DAVE BARRY I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news p...
DAVE BARRY There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you...
DAVE BARRY Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
DAVE BARRY Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be att...
DAVE BARRY I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
DAVE BARRY Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
DAVE BARRY If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
DAVE BARRY We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just abo...
DAVE BARRY Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
DAVE BARRY I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven...
DAVE BARRY Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no n...
DAVE BARRY If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answ...
DAVE BARRY A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to est...
DAVE BARRY As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
DAVE BARRY The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background...
DAVE BARRY If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - yo...
DAVE BARRY Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is read...
DAVE BARRY Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, D...
DAVE BARRY Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the...
DAVE BARRY What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such ...
DAVE BARRY The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since th...
DAVE BARRY While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Int...
DAVE BARRY And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead by using their MacInto...
DAVE BARRY If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to...
DAVE BARRY All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for b...
DAVE BARRY Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting techniq...
DAVE BARRY The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed...
DAVE BARRY Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in Janu...
DAVE BARRY The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and att...
DAVE BARRY Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always...
DAVE BARRY What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
DAVE BARRY We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y...
DAVE BARRY I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if pe...
DAVE BARRY I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at...
DAVE BARRY Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybo...
DAVE BARRY Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions...
DAVE BARRY Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ev...
DAVE BARRY Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a c...
DAVE BARRY For many years the National Pretend Speed Limit was fifty-five miles per hour (metric equivalent: 37...
DAVE BARRY All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of fallin...
DAVE BARRY Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the b...
DAVE BARRY Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. (This is also true of relig...
DAVE BARRY The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have...
DAVE BARRY The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
DAVE BARRY I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't ca...
DAVE BARRY I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software inco...
DAVE BARRY Childbirth, as a strictly physical phenomenon, is comparable to driving a United Parcel truck throug...
DAVE BARRY If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and f...
DAVE BARRY This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as bei...
DAVE BARRY More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumers...
DAVE BARRY USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean 'idiot.'
DAVE BARRY UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 ton...
DAVE BARRY The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Den...
DAVE BARRY 'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.
DAVE BARRY ''Varlet and the Squeaking Codpieces'' would be an excellent name for a rock band.
DAVE BARRY Grammatically, should of is a predatory admonition; as such, it is always used as part of a herpetol...
DAVE BARRY It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This...
DAVE BARRY I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person...
DAVE BARRY The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withsta...
DAVE BARRY Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark
DAVE BARRY What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a...
DAVE BARRY When Thomas Paine showed Benjamin Franklin the manuscript of The Age of Reason, Franklin advised him...
DAVE BARRY We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty...
DAVE BARRY All good things must come to an end, but all bad things can continue forever.
DAVE BARRY We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days s...
DAVE BARRY If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
DAVE BARRY And Ted Koppel comes walking down the aisle. We'd met a few times, so we said hello.
DAVE BARRY Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT."
DAVE BARRY There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.
DAVE BARRY 1996 also saw a huge expansion of the Internet, with many major corporations, afraid of being left b...
DAVE BARRY Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on you...
DAVE BARRY In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went...
DAVE BARRY Sir,” James asked, “what are we going to do?”
“We’re going to look for water,” said...
DAVE BARRY Seriously? You won’t help me?”
“Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.
DAVE BARRY If Black Stache laughed, you laughed. If he snarled, you snarled. If he breathed in your direction, ...
DAVE BARRY If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, ...
DAVE BARRY Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably...
DAVE BARRY If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you wo...
DAVE BARRY It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This...
DAVE BARRY Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religi...
DAVE BARRY A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
DAVE BARRY Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
DAVE BARRY I gotta tell you, ... It's pretty crazy when you think about taking whatever's on the other end of t...
DAVE BARRY It was by far just a one-girl show. She led every offensive and defensive category for Bishop Kearne...
DAVE BARRY one of South Florida's most vital natural resources, a relentlessly sane voice in a howling hurrican...
DAVE BARRY drink beer. But that's kind of my goal pretty much wherever I go.
DAVE BARRY I'm very pleased that we made the top four. But I feel that we could have had a stronger showing.
DAVE BARRY I've been asked to make an announcement, ... There is a non-luxury car in the parking lot. We've bee...
DAVE BARRY The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization.
DAVE BARRY We've actually gotten better musically over the years, ... But we've come to realize that we will ne...
DAVE BARRY Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
DAVE BARRY Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art...
DAVE BARRY I find myself having these conversations where I go...“You know, the guy, in that place. The guy i...
DAVE BARRY Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones...
DAVE BARRY Ridley is a tea drinker.
DAVE BARRY It's a concept I've often thought of.
DAVE BARRY You get people from all walks of life here -- who work in domestic service.
DAVE BARRY I believe that's one of the finest action regurgitation scenes in the history of literature, ... I'd...
DAVE BARRY We became pretty sensitive about it. We visited Great Ormond Street Hospital when we were in England...
DAVE BARRY What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge ham...
DAVE BARRY I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
DAVE BARRY Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuc...
DAVE BARRY Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger...
DAVE BARRY If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
DAVE BARRY The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable ent...
DAVE BARRY Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant d...
DAVE BARRY I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks sh...
DAVE BARRY Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look...
DAVE BARRY There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his ...
DAVE BARRY The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winte...
DAVE BARRY