It's got to be tough for Dusty and the ball club [to wonder], 'Do you put this guy in there in this situation. We know he's going to have good games and bad games. Is this the time?' ... It's a tough situation. I'm the one throwing the ball. Sometimes you have to put the blame on yourself.

People come here with a lot of tricks up their sleeves, and they wonder why those tricks are ineffective. They're assigning power to external things: the audience, their appearance. But true power comes from within. You need to live up to your potential instead of imitating someone else's.

It was really good to have a talk with Larry, ... He understands and they understand, too. When you struggle, the first thing that goes is your confidence, and not really in yourself, but in the organization. In my mind, I can still get guys out. But in their mind, you wonder if they're thinking, 'Can we keep running him out there? He hasn't fared well. Do we put him in these situations or not?' It's not that I can't get them out. It's bad pitch selection by me.

If I had stayed with him, we probably would've been fine,

Sometimes [the elbow] feels powerful and sometimes it doesn't. Usually the days when it doesn't is the days I pitch well. Hopefully it'll feel worse, I guess. It feels as good as can be expected for the time I'm coming back from a major reconstruction.

There's no excuses for that in my mind. I should still go out there, with a healthy elbow, and get guys out. I'm accustomed to challenging them with a fastball. If it's going to be 91, 92 (mph), then that's what I've got. You can't change your pitching. But it is frustrating.