When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.
BILL WATTERSON Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.
BILL WATTERSON God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that...
BILL WATTERSON There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.
BILL WATTERSON We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
BILL WATTERSON We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves an...
BILL WATTERSON From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.
BILL WATTERSON Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's differ...
BILL WATTERSON The world of a comic strip ought to be a special place with its own logic and life... I don't wa...
BILL WATTERSON The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
BILL WATTERSON The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a...
BILL WATTERSON Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?
BILL WATTERSON Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
BILL WATTERSON If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
BILL WATTERSON Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
BILL WATTERSON I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
BILL WATTERSON If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.
BILL WATTERSON Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
BILL WATTERSON I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.
BILL WATTERSON We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
BILL WATTERSON I just read this great science fiction story. It's about how machines take control of humans and tur...
BILL WATTERSON Enemy fighters at two o'clock!Roger. What should I do until then?
BILL WATTERSON Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
BILL WATTERSON From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.
BILL WATTERSON Black holes are where God divided by zero.
BILL WATTERSON The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried ...
BILL WATTERSON Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all th...
BILL WATTERSON I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here.
BILL WATTERSON When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.
BILL WATTERSON Reality continues to ruin my life.
BILL WATTERSON Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?
BILL WATTERSON You can present the material, but you can't make me care.
BILL WATTERSON I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you a...
BILL WATTERSON If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?
BILL WATTERSON Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.
BILL WATTERSON If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
BILL WATTERSON Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available...
BILL WATTERSON I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play ...
BILL WATTERSON I used to make original snowmen, but it was time consuming, hard work. So I said, heck, this is craz...
BILL WATTERSON People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
BILL WATTERSON I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, ...
BILL WATTERSON The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to...
BILL WATTERSON Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
BILL WATTERSON If your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.
BILL WATTERSON People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up wi...
BILL WATTERSON Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to...
BILL WATTERSON Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!
BILL WATTERSON Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?
BILL WATTERSON You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.
BILL WATTERSON You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstei...
BILL WATTERSON I'm a misunderstood genius."
"What's misunderstood?"
"Nobody thinks I'm a genius.
BILL WATTERSON I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.
BILL WATTERSON If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differe...
BILL WATTERSON Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.
BILL WATTERSON Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery - it recharges ...
BILL WATTERSON The problem with people is that they're only human.
BILL WATTERSON As a kid, I knew I wanted to be either a cartoonist or an astronaut. The latter was never much of a ...
BILL WATTERSON Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that non...
BILL WATTERSON Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.
BILL WATTERSON Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
BILL WATTERSON I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
BILL WATTERSON Careful. We don't want to learn from this.
BILL WATTERSON Hobbes: Do you think there's a God? Calvin: Well, SOMEBODY'S out to get me.
BILL WATTERSON We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and wh...
BILL WATTERSON A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add ...
BILL WATTERSON If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
BILL WATTERSON Mom and Dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do...
BILL WATTERSON The syndicates take the strip and sell it to newspapers and split the income with the cartoonists. S...
BILL WATTERSON Let it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.
BILL WATTERSON Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery -- it recharges...
BILL WATTERSON That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things o...
BILL WATTERSON Mom and Dad can make the rulesAnd certain things forbid,But I can make them wish that theyhad never ...
BILL WATTERSON Cigars are all the rage, dad. You should smoke cigars!" - Calvin

"Flatulence could be all...
BILL WATTERSON I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.
BILL WATTERSON You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help.
BILL WATTERSON If life is just a stage, then we are all running around ad-libbing, with absolutely no clue what the...
BILL WATTERSON After today, I'll bet Santa takes a shovel to the reindeer stalls to fill your stocking.
BILL WATTERSON No more of parental rules!We're heading for the snow!Good riddance to those grown up ghouls!We're le...
BILL WATTERSON You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.'

'That's why animals are s...
BILL WATTERSON Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a cultur...
BILL WATTERSON Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?
Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!
BILL WATTERSON Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to ...
BILL WATTERSON CALVIN:
This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the ...
BILL WATTERSON Some days you get up and you already know that things aren't going to go well. They're the type of d...
BILL WATTERSON CALVIN:
Isn't it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor?

When you thi...
BILL WATTERSON The center snaps the ball to the quarterback!"
"No he doesn't!"
"He doesn't?"
"NO! Se...
BILL WATTERSON Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'...
BILL WATTERSON I like my smock. You can tell the quality of the artist by the quality of his smock. Actually, I jus...
BILL WATTERSON I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.
BILL WATTERSON Wow, it really snowed last night! Isn't it wonderful? Everything familiar has disappeared! The world...
BILL WATTERSON Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did?
Calvin: No, but I can recite t...
BILL WATTERSON I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.
BILL WATTERSON Calvin: Dad where do babies come from?
Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit an...
BILL WATTERSON Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse.
BILL WATTERSON Heck, what's a little extortion among friends?
BILL WATTERSON A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.
BILL WATTERSON You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
What mood i...
BILL WATTERSON I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.
BILL WATTERSON To make a business decision, you don't need much philosophy; all you need is greed, and maybe a litt...
BILL WATTERSON You should stick with what you enjoy, what you find funny -- that's the humor that will be the stron...
BILL WATTERSON If I had rolled along with the strip's popularity and repeated myself for another five, 10 or 20...
BILL WATTERSON We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are...
BILL WATTERSON True, comics are a popular art, and yes, I believe their primary obligation is to entertain, but com...
BILL WATTERSON Childhood is short and maturity is forever.
BILL WATTERSON There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse!
BILL WATTERSON I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.
BILL WATTERSON The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.
BILL WATTERSON [A little more than a year after the comic entered syndication, it was collected in a book that beca...
BILL WATTERSON I have a hammer! I can put things together! I can knock things apart! I can alter my environment at ...
BILL WATTERSON They can't chain my spirit! My spirit runs free! Walls can't contain it! Laws can't restrain it! Aut...
BILL WATTERSON Comics are capable of being anything the mind can imagine. I consider it a great privilege to be a c...
BILL WATTERSON Experience is food for the brain.
BILL WATTERSON So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend i...
BILL WATTERSON Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.
BILL WATTERSON I try to make everyone's day just a little more surreal.
BILL WATTERSON I'm sick of everybody telling me what to do.
BILL WATTERSON It took hundreds of years for these woods to grow, and they leveled it in a week. It's gone. After t...
BILL WATTERSON I'll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big.
BILL WATTERSON Verbing weirds language.
BILL WATTERSON The world isn't fair, Calvin."
"I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
BILL WATTERSON This is where dad burried the little raccoon.
I don't even know he existed a few days ago and n...
BILL WATTERSON Watcha doin'?”
“Looking for frogs.”
“How come?”
“I must follow the inscru...
BILL WATTERSON Mom says death is as natural as birth, and it's all part of the life cycle.
She says we don't r...
BILL WATTERSON I hope some historian will confirm that I was the first cartoonist to use the word 'booger' in a new...
BILL WATTERSON Scientific Progress goes boink?
BILL WATTERSON Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone.

-Hobbes
BILL WATTERSON I wonder where we go when we die?”
“…Pittsburgh?”
“You mean if we’re good or i...
BILL WATTERSON Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?"...
BILL WATTERSON County library? Reference desk, please. Hello? Yes, I need a word definition. Well, that's the probl...
BILL WATTERSON Mom’s not feeling well. So I’m making her a get well card.”
“That’s thoughtful of you...
BILL WATTERSON Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of borin...
BILL WATTERSON I've been thinking Hobbes"
"On a weekend?"
"Well, it wasn't on purpose
BILL WATTERSON Calvin: "I read this library book you got me."
Calvin's Mom: "What did you think of it?"
C...
BILL WATTERSON CALVIN: Hey, I got some mail! It's a Valentine card.
HOBBES: From Susie Derkins!
CALVIN: ...
BILL WATTERSON I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin
BILL WATTERSON Calvin: Today for show and tell, I've brought a tiny miracle of nature: a single snowflake! I think ...
BILL WATTERSON Hey Dad, will you buy me a flame thrower?

Of course not. Don't be silly.

Eve...
BILL WATTERSON I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian!
BILL WATTERSON Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win!
Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when y...
BILL WATTERSON I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long.
BILL WATTERSON Virtual reality has nothing on Calvin.
BILL WATTERSON You know what's the rage this year? ...Hats.
BILL WATTERSON It's going to be a grim day when the world is run by a generation that doesn't know anything but wha...
BILL WATTERSON The way Calvin's brain is wired you can almost hear the fuses blowing.
BILL WATTERSON Blustery cold days should be spend propped up in bed with a mug of hot chocolate and a pile of comic...
BILL WATTERSON I keep forgetting that rules are only for little nice people.
BILL WATTERSON I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.
-Calvin
BILL WATTERSON Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension.
BILL WATTERSON Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any prepost...
BILL WATTERSON It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what’s cool.
BILL WATTERSON Hold it. You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, a...
BILL WATTERSON Calvin: Life's a lot more fun when you aren't responsible for your actions.
BILL WATTERSON I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
BILL WATTERSON People pay more attention when they think you’re up to something.
BILL WATTERSON I say, if your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your li...
BILL WATTERSON Leave it to a girl to take all the fun out of sex discrimination.
-Calvin
BILL WATTERSON There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
BILL WATTERSON At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner m...
BILL WATTERSON Calvin is hammering nails into coffee table.
Mom: CALVIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE COFFEE TABLE...
BILL WATTERSON Calvin: Why are you crying mom?
Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.
Calvin: It must be hard to c...
BILL WATTERSON As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a tes...
BILL WATTERSON We've had a few, but considering the length of the delay, it has not been bad.
BILL WATTERSON I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life.
BILL WATTERSON My life needs a rewind/erase button.
BILL WATTERSON To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.
BILL WATTERSON Hobbes might be a little closer to me in terms of personality, with Calvin being more energetic, bra...
BILL WATTERSON I hate to subject it to too much analysis, but one thing I have fun with is the rarity of things bei...
BILL WATTERSON Obviously the great thing about this job is the complete freedom of the schedule. So long as I meet ...
BILL WATTERSON The timber wolves will be our friends.We'll stay up late and howl,At the moon, till nighttime ends,B...
BILL WATTERSON Whenever I hear about people trying to rediscover the "child within," I want to scream.
BILL WATTERSON I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by H...
BILL WATTERSON Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.
BILL WATTERSON If you don't have anything to say just keep quiet! Provoking a reaction isn't the same as saying som...
BILL WATTERSON The kind of girl I was attracted to in school and eventually married.
BILL WATTERSON . . . it's worth recognizing that there is no such thing as an overnight success. You will do well t...
BILL WATTERSON I was reading about how countless species are being pushed toward extinction by man's destruction of...
BILL WATTERSON A REAL job is a job you hate.
BILL WATTERSON It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.
BILL WATTERSON Reading those turgid philosophers here in these remote stone buildings may not get you a job, but if...
BILL WATTERSON There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.
BILL WATTERSON Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to ...
BILL WATTERSON If something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 minutes, than it's probably not worth...
BILL WATTERSON You can lead people to the truth, but you can't make them understand it.
BILL WATTERSON How come we play war and not peace?"
"Too few role models.
BILL WATTERSON Such is American business, I guess, where the desire for obscene profit mutes any discussion of cons...
BILL WATTERSON Now what state do you live in?'
'Denial.
BILL WATTERSON Mothers are the necessity of invention.
BILL WATTERSON I learned about what I love. Imagination, deep friendship, animals, family, the natural world, ideas...
BILL WATTERSON I was not prepared for the resulting attention. Besides disliking the diminishment of privacy and th...
BILL WATTERSON I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.
BILL WATTERSON At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find the inner mo...
BILL WATTERSON Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these ...
BILL WATTERSON Why isn't my life like a situation comedy? Why don't I have a bunch of friends with nothing better t...
BILL WATTERSON By golly, life's too darn short to waste time trying to please every meddlesome moron who's got an i...
BILL WATTERSON A box of new crayons! Now they're all pointy, lined up in order, bright and perfect. Soon they'll be...
BILL WATTERSON I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
BILL WATTERSON Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster th...
BILL WATTERSON It's surprising how hard we'll work when the work is done just for ourselves.
BILL WATTERSON It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.
BILL WATTERSON [Calvin: A 6-year-old boy who thinks like a grown-up and fantasizes like a child.] Calvin is very fr...
BILL WATTERSON