It was only a few years ago that I couldn't get hired to save my life.

If I could live in New York the rest of my life, I absolutely would, but it's also prohibitively expensive and you have to be working. New York is a lot nicer when you have a job.

I hate birthdays. I thought that I only hated my own birthday, and then I realized that I hate my children's birthdays too.

I get maximum satisfaction out of buying children's clothes online.

I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.

I can't give a decent toast to save my life.