Most jokes state a bitter truth.
LARRY GELBART Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.
LARRY GELBART If vaudeville had died, television was the box they put it in.
LARRY GELBART One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
LARRY GELBART One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
LARRY GELBART A war is like when it rains in New York and everybody crowds into doorways, ya know? And they all ge...
LARRY GELBART Talk about fulfilling a campaign promise, ... M*A*S*H.
LARRY GELBART A lot of people credit him with being terribly influential in their careers,
LARRY GELBART Most jokes state a bitter truth
LARRY GELBART Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.
LARRY GELBART Television is a weapon of mass distractrion.
LARRY GELBART was among the best.
LARRY GELBART In a world that operates at least 50 percent on fear, he was very confident,
LARRY GELBART One does not have humor. It has you.
LARRY GELBART I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've stil...
LARRY DAVID It is only when the partisan shouting stops that we can hear each other's voices and concerns.
LARRY HOGAN I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood...
LARRY DAVID The human species really could have faced global thermonuclear war. During seventy years of Cold War...
LARRY NIVEN The three chief virtues of a programmer are: Laziness, Impatience and Hubris.
LARRY WALL My grandfather was an autoworker, and I have a weapon he manufactured to protect himself from the co...
LARRY PAGE I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.
LARRY DAVID The two most misused words in the entire English vocabulary are love and friendship. A true friend w...
LARRY FLYNT I take big risks, but I'm not reckless about it.
LARRY CHARLES I would consider myself more a passionate centrist.
LARRY WILMORE Sometimes I'd say what's bad for the country is good for my business, unfortunately.
LARRY WILMORE The first show I worked on was 'In Living Color.' I think 'The Daily Show' was the c...
LARRY WILMORE You never know in TV - sometimes you're on at the wrong time at the wrong place. Sometimes you d...
LARRY WILMORE I'll stop talking about race when people stop being racist.
LARRY WILMORE I really love having conversations and deconstructing things. I don't mind not having a laugh ev...
LARRY WILMORE My joke is that three black people watch 'The Daily Show' at any given time. So if I'm w...
LARRY WILMORE I think the biggest thing is voice. Whose voice is it? Who gets to control the narrative?
LARRY WILMORE People aren't autonomous creatures. They're under a lot of pressure themselves.
LARRY WILMORE There are tragedies that happen all the time in America, but there are certain types of tragedies th...
LARRY WILMORE If you look at somebody like Sam Bee, she got to create her own thing without any expectations that ...
LARRY WILMORE When you use the word 'fair' in television, you're already in a fantasy world. Nothing i...
LARRY WILMORE I'm not the type of person to have a schadenfreude.
LARRY WILMORE I always said I'm not disappointed with Obama because I voted for him because he was black, and ...
LARRY WILMORE When you're taking chances, you know it's not going to please everybody.
LARRY WILMORE The thing that's worked for me is having as much of a connection to the material as possible. An...
LARRY WILMORE The last thing I would ever do is try to become a network programmer.
LARRY WILMORE Salt Lake City gave me a lot of surprises. How progressive the city actually is, for instance, compa...
LARRY WILMORE Maybe I'll write an episode of 'Black-ish' about a guy being fired in late-night.
LARRY WILMORE I don't think I ever intend to provoke outrage, but I don't mind being provocative in conten...
LARRY WILMORE I was taught from a very early age that I had to work twice as hard to get half as much. That was th...
LARRY WILMORE You have to stay alert. You've got to keep raising your game.
LARRY WILMORE I was an athlete, so I hung out with the jocks. I was smart, so I hung out with the nerdy kids. I wa...
LARRY WILMORE I have a free voice. I have a free mind. I have freedom of expression.
LARRY WILMORE One out of three jobs in Washington is tied to trade.
LARRY WILLIAMS It's our job as economic developers in the state to make sure any prospect receives all availabl...
LARRY WILLIAMS The next time you see an outside day with a down close lower than the previous day, don't get sc...
LARRY WILLIAMS What you will be looking for is a day that closes above the prior day's high and most likely ...
LARRY WILLIAMS Rock and Roll has no beginning and no end for it is the very pulse of life itself.
LARRY WILLIAMS My goal would be to make Frank Capra-type films about real people, how they define their reality.
LARRY WILCOX I've been very selective in what I did and didn't do.
LARRY WILCOX The literary aspect of the film business excites me, but show business in general doesn't take a...
LARRY WILCOX Everyone in business is tenacious and extremely aggressive. If you're not a 'now' person...
LARRY WILCOX I love to act, but business is more interesting because it's more competitive and involves more ...
LARRY WILCOX I guess I'm just a frustrated cowboy.
LARRY WILCOX I owe the public a good performance, the best I can give. We really bust our chops on 'CHiPs'...
LARRY WILCOX I learned a lesson that I don't ever want to be a CEO.
LARRY WILCOX I've always felt that children are the flowers of our future.
LARRY WILCOX I was raised on a ranch in Wyoming, and I've been riding horses most of my life.
LARRY WILCOX I don't mind talking about 'what might have been,' but I am not one to doubt or regret m...
LARRY WILCOX The film business was a great lesson in business combat and what it takes to survive.
LARRY WILCOX I just didn't realize how powerful 'CHiPs' was.
LARRY WILCOX A lot of people in film run around with a facade and use the right vocabulary and think they're ...
LARRY WILCOX It's like with a girl: it's more fun to meet and slowly, gradually learn things about each o...
LARRY WILCOX Exposing your ignorance is how you get somebody to embrace you.
LARRY WILCOX Life can be a bore if you're constantly walking sidewalks instead of a tightrope once in a while...
LARRY WILCOX Dentistry was an ego trip, and acting is a personal need. Usually it's the reverse, and I honest...
LARRY WILCOX Family is very important to me because that is the footprint we perpetuate. That is, the ripple in t...
LARRY WILCOX I have learned a great deal in my life, and DeMolay helped me to learn that character and integrity ...
LARRY WILCOX I'm very candid.
LARRY WILCOX Somebody out there is going to do something that's far more surprising than anything that I woul...
LARRY WALL Some of modern engineering is necessary to good art. But I think of myself is a cultural artist.
LARRY WALL Perl was designed to work more like a natural language. It's a little more complicated but there...
LARRY WALL If you're a large corporation, you can afford to pay the money to register patents, but if you&#...
LARRY WALL I'm never satisfied because I've been always interested in too many things and I always want...
LARRY WALL I'm just paid to do whatever I want to do. Some of the time it's development, and some of th...
LARRY WALL I think the way IBM has embraced the open source philosophy has been quite astonishing, but gratifyi...
LARRY WALL To be a good artist, you have to serve the work of art and allow it to be what it is supposed to be.
LARRY WALL Many days I don't write any code at all, and some days I spend all day writing code.
LARRY WALL Hubris itself will not let you be an artist.
LARRY WALL I think operating systems work best if they're free and open. Particular applications are more l...
LARRY WALL I still drive my 1977 Honda Accord. The paint is almost all worn off. It's still running.
LARRY WALL There is no schedule. We are all volunteers, so we get it done when we get it done. Perl 5 still wor...
LARRY WALL I talked about becoming stupid, but I've always been stupid. Fortunately I've been just smar...
LARRY WALL We all agree on the necessity of compromise. We just can't agree on when it's necessary to c...
LARRY WALL Post-Modernism was a reaction against Modernism. It came quite early to music and literature, and a ...
LARRY WALL Programmers can be lazy.
LARRY WALL For me, writing is a love-hate relationship.
LARRY WALL Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.
LARRY WALL The Harvard Law states: Under controlled conditions of light, temperature, humidity, and nutrition, ...
LARRY WALL Younger hackers are hard to classify. They're probably just as diverse as the old hackers are. W...
LARRY WALL Being a press secretary is like learning to type: You're hunting and pecking for a while and the...
LARRY SPEAKES You don't tell us how to stage the news and we don't tell you how to cover it.
LARRY SPEAKES Those who talk don't know what is going on and those who know what is going on won't talk.
LARRY SPEAKES We live in a world where people think that finding a passion is so rare that if you find one you'...
LARRY SMITH Just because you're passionately interested in something doesn't mean it has to be your care...
LARRY SMITH If you've never tasted what it's like to get up in the morning and be pleased to go to work,...
LARRY SMITH Find and use your passion, and you'll have a great career. Don't do it, you won't. It...
LARRY SMITH I guess I've always liked the idea of being an artist.
LARRY RIVERS I spent seven months in Africa and came back saying there isn't anything you can say about black...
LARRY RIVERS Any art communicates what you're in the mood to receive.
LARRY RIVERS I believe that any art communicates what you're in the mood to receive.
LARRY RIVERS If you want to be told what to think, well, I'm not in that business.
LARRY POONS A great painting is a great painting.
LARRY POONS If you think you know where you're going to be 10 years from now, that's where you're at...
LARRY POONS The only thing simple about the past is that it's not now.
LARRY POONS There are people who don't respond to color. That's what painting is. It's color.
LARRY POONS There's something always instinctively visually right about nature. There's no difference, t...
LARRY POONS I like going to Burning Man, for example. An environment where people can try new things. I think as...
LARRY PAGE We don't have as many managers as we should, but we would rather have too few than too many.
LARRY PAGE We can't have democracy if we're having to protect you and our users from the government ove...
LARRY PAGE I can't really comment on rumors.
LARRY PAGE We have a mantra: don't be evil, which is to do the best things we know how for our users, for o...
LARRY PAGE We want to build technology that everybody loves using, and that affects everyone. We want to create...
LARRY PAGE The idea that everyone should slavishly work so they do something inefficiently so they keep their j...
LARRY PAGE You know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night with a vivid dream? And you know t...
LARRY PAGE The ultimate search engine would basically understand everything in the world, and it would always g...
LARRY PAGE If we were motivated by money, we would have sold the company a long time ago and ended up on a beac...
LARRY PAGE For me, privacy and security are really important. We think about it in terms of both: You can't...
LARRY PAGE We're at maybe 1% of what is possible. Despite the faster change, we're still moving slow re...
LARRY PAGE Many leaders of big organizations, I think, don't believe that change is possible. But if you lo...
LARRY PAGE You may think using Google's great, but I still think it's terrible.
LARRY PAGE Invention is not enough. Tesla invented the electric power we use, but he struggled to get it out to...
LARRY PAGE Lots of companies don't succeed over time. What do they fundamentally do wrong? They usually mis...
LARRY PAGE Only in a concert situation do I have access to people directly to preach to them, and I don't b...
LARRY NORMAN I want to encourage other people to try to discover who they are, not to try to fit into some superf...
LARRY NORMAN Art is more engaging that propaganda.
LARRY NORMAN I know I stand visibly onstage, but my function is still unseen, because I rarely see the immediate ...
LARRY NORMAN Jesus got me through the slums without getting murdered. I just walked with him as though he were re...
LARRY NORMAN Gospel songs to me are about the mansion in the sky, and washed in the blood of Christ's crimson...
LARRY NORMAN Life is God's art.
LARRY NORMAN I feel that Christian music is a subculture directed towards the Christians. It's not really bei...
LARRY NORMAN I'm only here on Earth to serve God. I never had a career. I don't care about commercialism....
LARRY NORMAN We need worship for our spirit, fellowship for our soul and committed subservience for our body.
LARRY NORMAN But... watching Steven Barnes taught me to treat my life like an art form.
LARRY NIVEN I do not believe they've run out of surprises.
LARRY NIVEN SF isn't a genre; SF is the matrix in which genres are embedded, and because the SF field is nev...
LARRY NIVEN My problem with new writers is that it takes me five or six years to memorise the right names.
LARRY NIVEN I've got five or six unpublished stories kicking around looking for somebody to buy them.
LARRY NIVEN In general, I don't know when inspiration will pop up.
LARRY NIVEN We should not have assumed that a political space station could be built.
LARRY NIVEN I'm not predicting; I just love playing with superconductors.
LARRY NIVEN I love superconductors.
LARRY NIVEN Treat your life like something to be sculpted.
LARRY NIVEN I've spent a lot of my life among people brighter than myself.
LARRY NIVEN I'd visit the near future, close enough that someone might want to talk to Larry Niven and can f...
LARRY NIVEN I don't have a strong interest in history.
LARRY NIVEN Anything beats an expensive stack of paper.
LARRY NIVEN We're looking as far ahead as we can, and we don't get penalized for mistakes.
LARRY NIVEN I'd repair our education system or replace it with something that works.
LARRY NIVEN I do suspect that privacy was a passing fad.
LARRY NIVEN I never got good at predicting what millions of people will suddenly decide is rational.
LARRY NIVEN As for AIDS, it's a plague. We are human, we get plagues. They come along every so often, kill o...
LARRY NIVEN Bruce Sterling is one terrific writer and he's relatively new, but I don't know how long he&...
LARRY NIVEN Building one space station for everyone was and is insane: we should have built a dozen.
LARRY NIVEN In hindsight it may even seem inevitable that a socialist society will starve when it runs out of ca...
LARRY NIVEN Everything starts as somebody's daydream.
LARRY NIVEN The dinosaurs became extinct because they didn't have a space program.
LARRY NIVEN I was asleep, in the upstairs bedroom, in the rear of the house. There was this tremendous crash, th...
LARRY MILLER Manufacturers are making products kosher to get in on that market, plus more people are looking for ...
LARRY MILLER Women say they have sexual thoughts too. They have no idea. It's the difference between shooting...
LARRY MILLER Members of the Academy are mostly urban people. We are an urban nation. We are not a rural nation. I...
LARRY MCMURTRY Self-parody is the first portent of age.
LARRY MCMURTRY Americans don't want cowboys to be gay.
LARRY MCMURTRY You expect far too much of a first sentence. Think of it as analogous to a good country breakfast: w...
LARRY MCMURTRY If we know anything about man, it's that he's not pacific. The temptation to butcher anyone ...
LARRY MCMURTRY True maturity is only reached when a man realizes he has become a father figure to his girlfriends&#...
LARRY MCMURTRY No illusion is more crucial than the illusion that great success and huge money buy you immunity fro...
LARRY MCMURTRY Backward is just not a natural direction for Americans to look - historical ignorance remains a nati...
LARRY MCMURTRY A man that ain't willin' to cheat for a poke don't want it bad enough.
LARRY MCMURTRY Day baseball is now dead for all practical purposes. Sooner or later, the game will be played in its...
LARRY MACPHAIL I should contribute generously to the war chest of the Woman's Christian Temperance Union. But, ...
LARRY MACPHAIL When I was a kid in Michigan, I used to play ball with a town team on Sunday. Of course, I'd go ...
LARRY MACPHAIL The danger in a brood mare band is that your mares become antiquated, and you wake up some day and r...
LARRY MACPHAIL The only way you can obtain brood mares on a basis you can afford is to buy two or three yearling fi...
LARRY MACPHAIL It had been my idea that a combination of purebred cattle and horses could be successful from an eco...
LARRY MACPHAIL I decided that I wanted a farm back in 1940 when I was with the Dodgers. I tried to find one within ...
LARRY MACPHAIL The big tragedy in baseball is that the amateur spirit has gone out of it to a large extent.
LARRY MACPHAIL I forgot that San Francisco is not an angry city like New York. Gays have gotten what they wanted th...
LARRY KRAMER I came from Yale, where you get an extracurricular degree in self-importance because you went there....
LARRY KRAMER Some reporter called me 'the angriest gay man in the world' or some such. Well, it stuck, bu...
LARRY KRAMER We're still leaderless. We still don't have strong organizations that are fighting for us; t...
LARRY KRAMER I think Ed Koch is the person most responsible for allowing AIDS to get out of control. It happened ...
LARRY KRAMER Writers who are activists are very rarely taken seriously as artists.
LARRY KRAMER I was at Yale from 1953 to 1957, and I tried to commit suicide in my freshman year because I was gay...
LARRY KRAMER AIDS was allowed to happen. It is a plague that need not have happened. It is a plague that could ha...
LARRY KRAMER Most of the Michelle Bachmanns and Mitt Romneys who say such terrible things about us actually is a ...
LARRY KRAMER By nature, I'm an optimistic person. No one believes it, but I am.
LARRY KRAMER Gay life in 1970 was very bleak, compartmentalized. You didn't take it to work. You had to reall...
LARRY KRAMER The media in America is not covering American AIDS very much. They're covering African AIDS as i...
LARRY KRAMER Mr. Do-Nothing Obama will say today, 'Lets think of all the poor dead people' - or 'let&...
LARRY KRAMER There's no question that the gay movement would not be as far along as it is without AIDS. But h...
LARRY KRAMER I don't consider myself an artist. I consider myself a very opinionated man who uses words as fi...
LARRY KRAMER Activism is very seductive, and writing is painful and hard. It's very scary to have a death thr...
LARRY KRAMER I do not think the gay population has been all that rabid for gay marriage. Note that I do not use t...
LARRY KRAMER We didn't exist. Ronald Reagan didn't say the word 'AIDS' until 1987. I've tried...
LARRY KRAMER Too many people hate the people that AIDS most affects: gay people and people of color. I do not mea...
LARRY KRAMER