It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive.


C. W. Leadbeater

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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. FIELDS
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W. C. FIELDS
I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. FIELDS
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butle...
W. C. FIELDS
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn f...
W. C. FIELDS
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm ...
W. C. FIELDS
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for th...
W. C. FIELDS
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
W. C. FIELDS
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS
I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do.
W. C. FIELDS
Success in life is a matter not so much of talent as of concentration and perseverance.
C. W. WENDTE
Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it, for he shall enjoy living.
W. C. BENNETT
Do not on any account attempt to write on both sides of the paper at once.
W. C. SELLAR
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. FIELDS
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
W. C. FIELDS
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
W. C. FIELDS
Somebody left the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen th...
W. C. FIELDS
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
W. C. FIELDS
Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple.
C. W. CERAN
Start off everyday with a simple smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
W. C. FIELDS
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS
Everything can be improved.
C. W. BARRON
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W. C. FIELDS
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpl...
W. C. FIELDS
Horse sense is a good judgement which keeps horses from betting on people.
W. C. FIELDS
Once during Prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W. C. FIELDS
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live...
W. C. FIELDS
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situati...
W. C. FIELDS
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've...
W. C. FIELDS
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. FIELDS
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state pris...
W. C. FIELDS
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
W. C. FIELDS
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W. C. FIELDS
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. FIELDS
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteeen.
W. C. FIELDS
I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS
Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple.
C W CERAN
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
W. C. FIELDS
Happiness means quiet nerves.
W. C. FIELDS
How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
W. C. FIELDS
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
W. C. FIELDS
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS
I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.
W. C. FIELDS
I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.
W. C. FIELDS
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. FIELDS
The old Quaker was right: I expect to pass through life but once. If there is any kindness, or any g...
W. C. GANNETT
Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W. C. FIELDS
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool abou...
W. C. FIELDS
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We sta...
W. C. FIELDS
The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others' burdens, easing other's loads and supplanti...
W. C. JONES
The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laug...
W. C. FIELDS
I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and th...
W. C. FIELDS
Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of bad road. She had so many gold teeth . ...
W. C. FIELDS
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS
I like children - fried.
W. C. FIELDS
A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter.
W. C. FIELDS
All roads lead to rum.
W. C. FIELDS
If you must fight, pick only worthy adversaries.
C. W. BARRON
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS
Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the re...
W. C. FIELDS
Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they alwa...
W. C. FIELDS
Once . . . in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing b...
W. C. FIELDS
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food...
W. C. FIELDS
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still surv...
W. C. FIELDS
I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.)
W. C. FIELDS
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what ...
W. C. FIELDS
Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple.
C. W. CERAM
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS
No one likes a fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of ...
W. C. FIELDS
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS
I hear the tusks are looser in Alabama.
W. C. FIELDS
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
W. C. FIELDS
Roomservice, Roomservice, don't send up any more ice.
W. C. FIELDS
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS
A plumber's idea of Cleopatra [Mae West].
W. C. FIELDS
I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. FIELDS
Stop following me, are you following me? That'll get you twelve years at Leavenworth, or eleven year...
W. C. FIELDS
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
W. C. FIELDS
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
W. C. FIELDS
Either you're drunk or your braces are lopsided.
W. C. FIELDS
The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his butt...
W. C. FIELDS
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS
Children should neither be seen or heard from -- ever again.
W. C. FIELDS
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS
If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a buzz-saw.
W. C. FIELDS
Go back to reform school, you little nose-picker!
W. C. FIELDS
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
W. C. FIELDS
What this country needs is money!
W. C. FIELDS
It ain't a fit night out for man or beast.
W. C. FIELDS
Never smarten up a chump.
W. C. FIELDS
We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking . . . that this happens is a matter of rec...
W. C. FIELDS
Cross my heart and hope to eat my weight in goslings.
W. C. FIELDS
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS
Who has not experienced the unutterable despair that follows the crash of a treasured bottle.
W. C. FIELDS
Never mind what I told you -- you do as I tell you.
W. C. FIELDS
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.
W. C. FIELDS
You know women ought to be like bank notes. You ought to be able to exchange one 40 for two 20's.
W. C. FIELDS
The best thing to break is a contract.
W. C. FIELDS
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS
A wonderful drink, wine. . . . Did you ever hear of an Italian grape crusher with athlete's foot?.
W. C. FIELDS
Horse sense is a good judgement which keeps horses from betting on people.
W. C. FIELDS
On the whole I would rather be in Philadelphia.
W. C. FIELDS
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
W. C. FIELDS
After two days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
W. C. FIELDS
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
W. C. FIELDS
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS
The wise and intelligent are coming belatedly to realize that alcohol, and not the dog, is man's bes...
W. C. FIELDS
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS
A good cure for insomnia is to get plenty of sleep.
W. C. FIELDS
The harder the act, the less it seems to be appreciated. That's what every artist, be he juggler, mu...
W. C. FIELDS
Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W. C. FIELDS
It's a funny old world - a man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS
Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.
W. C. FIELDS
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS
How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of...
W. C. FIELDS
Anything worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS
Whatever is worth having is worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS
There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. FIELDS
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS
Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
W. C. FIELDS
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times...
W. C. FIELDS
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS
What is truth" I was asked. "Truth is neither good nor bad. Neither evil nor pure. It just is." That...
C. JOYBELL C.
There is no worse discriminator than envy. No worse traitor than envy. Even those who are seemingly ...
C. JOYBELL C.
The shame and the downfall of a modern materialistic society is her inability to treasure, care for,...
C. JOYBELL C.
Pink is a beautiful color, because it is one of the colors that the sun makes at twilight and in the...
C. JOYBELL C.
The celebrated Galen said that employment was nature's physician. It is indeed so important to hap...
C C COLTON
There is this difference between happiness and wisdom, that he that thinks himself the happiest ma...
C C COLTON
True friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known until it is lost.
C. C. COLTON
There are types of people who want to have leverage over other people's lives. For no other reason t...
C. JOYBELL C.
There are those whose primary ability is to spin wheels of manipulation. It is their second skin and...
C. JOYBELL C.
The goodness of a person is normally judged based upon how they act towards those whom they consider...
C. JOYBELL C.
Just because a person is attractive/beautiful, this does not mean it is okay to villainize them. We ...
C. JOYBELL C.
What kind of a world do we live in, when the good are taken advantage of by the bad, while the bad h...
C. JOYBELL C.
I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves,...
C. JOYBELL C.
Man is not defiled by his impurities. It is the other man pointing out his impurities to him, whom h...
C. JOYBELL C.
As you go about your daily life, you will encounter many lemons. Sour expressions, sour attitudes, s...
C. JOYBELL C.
When I was a little girl, everything in the world fell into either of these two categories: wrong or...
C. JOYBELL C.
Some people come and go and are forgotten. But there are other people who share a part in our destin...
C. JOYBELL C.
I have met so many heartbroken men. It's a catastrophe. Women are easily overcome by the process tha...
C. JOYBELL C.
For some people, “the point of no return” begins at the very moment their souls become aware of ...
C. JOYBELL C.
Love is like a good cake; you never know when it's coming, but you'd better eat it when it does!
C. JOYBELL C.
Maybe we shouldn't be looking for love. Maybe we should be looking for a person. Because maybe you c...
C. JOYBELL C.
You can run away from yourself so often, and so much, just because the broken pieces of you cut your...
C. JOYBELL C.
Sometimes the things that are felt the most are expressed between two souls over the distance and ov...
C. JOYBELL C.
I don't understand dating.. and the other things that people do.. all I know is that you ought to fi...
C. JOYBELL C.
It should be a privilege to be able to say "I love you" to someone. It shouldn't be something people...
C. JOYBELL C.
Before, I wanted to say: "I found love!" But now, I want to say: "I found a person. And he belongs t...
C. JOYBELL C.
I have learned that you can go anywhere you want to go and do anything you want to do and buy all th...
C. JOYBELL C.
If I am to be fallen into love, I will. And if as a result I will appear to be stupid, disillusioned...
C. JOYBELL C.
In this world, it is too common for people to search for someone to lose themselves in. But I am alr...
C. JOYBELL C.
She didn't belong anywhere and she never really belonged to anyone. And everyone else belonged somew...
C. JOYBELL C.
They say a good love is one that sits you down, gives you a drink of water, and pats you on top of t...
C. JOYBELL C.
You only need one man to love you. But him to love you free like a wildfire, crazy like the moon, al...
C. JOYBELL C.
We have to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us, the people who really matte...
C. JOYBELL C.
You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won't mean as much as what you can have...
C. JOYBELL C.
I am my own biggest critic. Before anyone else has criticized me, I have already criticized myself. ...
C. JOYBELL C.
There is some kind of a sweet innocence in being human- in not having to be just happy or just sad- ...
C. JOYBELL C.
There is no such thing as a "broken family." Family is family, and is not determined by marriage cer...
C. JOYBELL C.
You're going to meet many people with domineering personalities: the loud, the obnoxious, those that...
C. JOYBELL C.
A star falls from the sky and into your hands. Then it seeps through your veins and swims inside you...
C. JOYBELL C.
People have to forgive. We don't have to like them, we don't have to be friends with them, we don't ...
C. JOYBELL C.
Last night I lost the world, and gained the universe.
C. JOYBELL C.
The downfall of the attempts of governments and leaders to unite mankind is found in this- in the wr...
C. JOYBELL C.
Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that so...
C. JOYBELL C.
If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and eve...
C. JOYBELL C.
Pain is a pesky part of being human, I've learned it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something...
C. JOYBELL C.
The unhappiest people in this world, are those who care the most about what other people think.
C. JOYBELL C.