It is difficult to find a courteous person today who isn't trying to sell you something

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

I almost got a girl pregnant in high school. It's costing me a fortune to keep the rabbit on a life-support system.

ALF: Kate, have I ever lied to you?
Kate: Yes. Several times.
ALF: I meant today.

It's been a funny week. I come and shoot this score today, so it was wonderful. Maybe I should keep this bug.