It is as if my life were magically run by two electric currents: joyous positive and despairing negative - whichever is running at the moment dominates my life, floods it.

But life is long. And it is the long run that balances the short flare of interest and passion.

Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted.

Oh, something is there, waiting for me. Perhaps someday the revelation will burst in upon me and I will see the other side of this monumental grotesque joke. And then I'll laugh. And then I'll know what life is.

I want to live and feel all the shades, tones, and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.

So much working, reading, thinking, living to do! A lifetime is not long enough.