It is a well-known fact that although the public is fine when taken individually, when it forms itself into large groups, it tends to act as though it has one partially consumed Pez tablet for a brain.

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid

Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.

Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.

We haven't done that well overall as a team, but individually we've done very well, I see the team growing and getting better.

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells . . . to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.