It is a well-known fact that although the public is fine when taken individually, when it forms itself into large groups, it tends to act as though it has one partially consumed Pez tablet for a brain.


Dave Barry

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

It is a lie.
ARTHUR MILLER
It is what it is, it is what you make it.
JAMES DURBIN
I am Happy and satisfied with what I am. 10000 will take me wrong, 1000 will go against me, 100 will...
NEHA KOTHARI
If our mind was an ocean then every now and then we would have the perfect storm happening in it.Gar...
GARY F EVANS...
I regret that I wasn't more successful with my marriages, but it is what it is.
TED TURNER
To stand on the
brink of what is coming, feeling eager, optimistic anticipation—with no feeli...
ASK AND IT IS GIVEN
The king may rule the kingdom, but it's the queen who moves the board.
D.M. TIMNEY
Life is weird and wonderful like that, is it not.
SONYA.E.WILLIAMS
Unpredictability means what it means. I don't know how you define it. It is what it is.
MICHAEL KEATON
This is too much reality for a Friday.
AS GOOD AS IT GETS
I'm not an Emontional, but how???
I live with the thought that "Nothing can be returned, it has...
DEYTH BANGER
You don't find interesting stuff because you don't search enough, ... every book has it's own lesson...
DEYTH BANGER
It is what it is, and it ain't nothin' else... Everything is clearly, openly, plainly delive...
DAN FLAVIN
With '10,000,' our aim was to make a film that was entertaining and a roller-coaster ride; i...
STEVEN STRAIT
Just do it... that's all... no matter what, when and where... but just do it.
DEYTH BANGER
Life is not all about sticking or stopping your thoughts to old memories but LIFE STARTS when you st...
NEHA KOTHARI
I never like it when a celebrity goes on Twitter and says, 'This isn't true!' It is what...
HARRY STYLES
When I die it will be game over,... but I know one life is short, to be selfish is not the best deci...
DEYTH BANGER
It'a okay to take some break from the crucible steep of stairs that you want to try to achieve, as l...
LAURE96
I saw that there is no Nature,
That Nature doesn’t exist,
That there are hills, valleys,...
ALBERTO CAEIRO
He had a harder time helping her out though. He was asleep while she was doing stars. Without wings,...
LAURIE FRANKEL
The Madden Curse has really taken on a life of its own. People just love talking about it, and it is...
DREW BREES
There was no Jace Wayland more real than the one he saw in her eyes when she looked at him.
CASSANDRA CLARE
You know, I don't think my music is important, I don't think it's changing the world, I ...
SUFJAN STEVENS
You get to the point where you're like, 'I'm just doing me, and if people don't like...
BEBE REXHA
I’m glad I see with my eyes and not the pages I’ve read.
ALBERTO CAEIRO
Instinct's the iron skeleton under all our ideas of free will.
STEPHEN KING
Integrity is not everything, but it is the only thing that matters.
JEFFREY FRY
What is it that makes you so angry, bothers you so deeply, that you're compelled to act?
CRAIG GROESCHEL
The man held himself still and turned his milk-flooded eyes on her. Fin felt something like vertigo ...
A.S. PETERSON
When you look at the inner workings of electrical things, you see wires. Until the current passes th...
MOTHER TERESA
Everything known and referred to as “impossible” is often what has not been attempted before. It...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR
I take the good with the bad. I always wanted to be a comic, and part of that, for me, was that I wa...
ERIK GRIFFIN
Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it
SARA SHEPARD
it's always important to do what you want, Life is too short to live with Regrets.
SHELLI THOMPSON
It is a small world. You do not have to live in it particuarly long to learn that for yourself. Ther...
NEIL GAIMAN
Why are you suggesting something… then deny to tell the whole thing?
DEYTH BANGER
When you're recording to analog tape, it captures performance and you can't necessarily mani...
DAVE GROHL
Do. Then talk. In that order.
SOTERO M LOPEZ II
If you want a revenge, don't hold it. It poisons you.
Either you just let the grudge go, or mak...
TOBA BETA
You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you a...
PAULO COELHO
It ends or it doesn't.
That’s what you say. That’s
how you get through it.
The tu...
CAITLYN SIEHL
People become more ignorant when it comes to religion.
DANIEL MELGAçO
See the world for what it is.
BEAUTIFUL!
ANTHONY T. HINCKS
The same ocean of love became the ocean of sorrow in which I drowned... -Anshika
ANSHIKA JAIN
I love my destruction. Cause I still love the cause of my destruction -Anshika
ANSHIKA JAIN
She broke her own heart by holding him into it.... -Anshika
ANSHIKA JAIN
She craved for the moon, not knowing there were other stars in the sky too... -Anshika
ANSHIKA JAIN
You know your value, Only when someone else crumbles it... -Anshika
ANSHIKA JAIN
To be street smart it takes respect of a persons ability to control their emotional state and to kno...
GARY F EVANS...
Just like any one of us, they started with no road map or guarantee of success. But they went out an...
CAMILLE SWEENEY
His name was engraved deep in the core of her heart.. - Anshika
ANSHIKA JAIN
I will lock my feelings up and throw the key in the ocean till someone comes, ready to hunt the dept...
ANSHIKA JAIN
It's funny.. I still love the person who made me lose my ability to love... -Anshika.
ANSHIKA JAIN
Its like I'm a broken mirror.. Don't try to pick my shattered pieces or you will hurt yourself .... ...
ANSHIKA JAIN
The story was so broken that no one could ever find the missing pieces.... -Anshika
ANSHIKA JAIN
Their story was just a chapter to him... -Anshika
ANSHIKA JAIN
You can't be a pussy all your life Todd. Someday you're just gonna have to say fuck it.
DONALD RAY POLLOCK
Fortunately, my care factor was now dangerously close to fuck-it levels.
KYLIE SCOTT
It is better to be a pragmatist than a lunatic.
DEBASISH MRIDHA
If I knew I was going to die tomorrow,
And Spring came the day after tomorrow,
I would die...
ALBERTO CAEIRO
Between what i see in a field and what I see in another field
There passes for a moment the fig...
ALBERTO CAEIRO
It’s an already inside outside,
The philosophers say it’s the soul
But it’s not the ...
ALBERTO CAEIRO
Do I believe a thing has limits!? Of course! Nothing exists that doesn’t have limits. Existence me...
ÁLVARO DE CAMPOS
Things don’t have significance: they only have existence.
Things are the only hidden meaning ...
ALBERTO CAEIRO
I'm probably the least harsh on myself, and I try not to scrutinize everything about my body. As...
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN
Not everybody wants be texting their 15-year-old asking how his math tutor was. They would rather be...
RENEE JAMES
If a company is distributing images and video then obviously they need bandwidth solutions. But if t...
JACK LONDON (IT SPECIALIST)
I speak the truth. Not everyone who says they are ready to hear it really are.
MONIKA ZANDS
A lot of people say there's a fine line between genius and insanity. I don't think there's a fine li...
BILL BAILEY
I love you; I love you and I don’t care that you’re my sister; don’t be with him, don’t want...
CASSANDRA CLARE
The Queen gave him a look: special and secretive and shared between the two of them.You warned he...
CASSANDRA CLARE
To change yourself you have to move from where you are and take a step, then you have to be willing ...
BRENT M. JONES
There outside there is a lot of stuff which you learn, the clock illusion, that you live in the past...
DEYTH BANGER
It is a well-known fact that we always recognize our homeland when we are about to lose it.
ALBERT CAMUS
Using assistive technology with your child prevents your child from missing out on content solely be...
SANDRA K. COOK
It takes half your life before you discover life is a do-it-yourself project.
NAPOLEON HILL
What comes, when it comes, will be what it is.
ALBERTO CAEIRO
Night doesn’t fall for my eyes
But my idea of the night is that it falls for my eyes.
Be...
ALBERTO CAEIRO
I’m in no hurry: the sun and the moon aren’t, either.
Nobody goes faster than the legs they...
ALBERTO CAEIRO
I never had a problem with my face on screen. I thought it is what it is, and I was turned off by ac...
ROBERT REDFORD
It is what it is. I balled out, had some good years, man, had fun and did it with some guys and made...
CALVIN JOHNSON
37. It is better to be single and unhappy than unhappily married.
JAMES C. DOBSON
It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.
STEPHEN COLBERT
When you give, you will be blessed. When you give, it will be given back to you.
CRAIG GROESCHEL
I was born subject like others to errors and defects,
But never to the error of wanting to unde...
ALBERTO CAEIRO
Accept the universe
As the gods gave it to you.
If the gods wanted to give you something e...
ALBERTO CAEIRO
I'm living with every step. I can't live with regret. The past is the past. I'm not worr...
RYAN SHECKLER
The man stopped talking and was looking at the sunset.
But what does someone who hates and love...
ALBERTO CAEIRO
Sometimes shit's gotta be done and I just fuckin' do it!
MANUEL MONGRAIN
If you can dream it, you can do it.
ENZO FERRARI
Do the thing and you will have the power.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
If you have a question, ask. How do you ask? Say it or write it
SOTONYE ANGA
There are so many things we do in life that define the real meaning of our lives. There are so many ...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH
Let your vision be ahead of your sight! Dream beyond what you see and never let your environment det...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR
On the first floor, the first rule of a rumor was humor.
PAWAN MISHRA
35. God is entitled to a portion of our income—not because He needs it but because we need to give...
JAMES C. DOBSON
I was going to make him proud of the man I would become. I was finally going to chart my own course,...
EMORY R. FRIE
If by that you mean that I dislike celebrity magazines, prefer food to anorexia, refuse to watch TV ...
JOHN GREEN
Don't dream it, be it.
TIM CURRY

More Dave Barry

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
DAVE BARRY
We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admi...
DAVE BARRY
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
DAVE BARRY
What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another pe...
DAVE BARRY
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
DAVE BARRY
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is ...
DAVE BARRY
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
DAVE BARRY
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to a...
DAVE BARRY
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
DAVE BARRY
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY
The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
DAVE BARRY
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
DAVE BARRY
Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is th...
DAVE BARRY
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
DAVE BARRY
The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes i...
DAVE BARRY
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to...
DAVE BARRY
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or...
DAVE BARRY
I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a mor...
DAVE BARRY
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless...
DAVE BARRY
The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitutio...
DAVE BARRY
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
DAVE BARRY
Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on.
DAVE BARRY
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know ...
DAVE BARRY
You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident."
DAVE BARRY
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
DAVE BARRY
I'd take a nerf bullet for you.
DAVE BARRY
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
DAVE BARRY
The first person who decided to say a word instead of throwing a rock can be considered the starter ...
DAVE BARRY
It was not that Adam ate the apple for the apple's sake, but because it was forbidden. It would have...
DAVE BARRY
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to r...
DAVE BARRY
Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
DAVE BARRY
I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.
DAVE BARRY
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is ba...
DAVE BARRY
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see wi...
DAVE BARRY
My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormit...
DAVE BARRY
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would b...
DAVE BARRY
What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be...
DAVE BARRY
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popula...
DAVE BARRY
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated ...
DAVE BARRY
Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.
DAVE BARRY
There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who ...
DAVE BARRY
The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the ...
DAVE BARRY
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in...
DAVE BARRY
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went...
DAVE BARRY
Although Golf was originally restricted to wealthy Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns h...
DAVE BARRY
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any ...
DAVE BARRY
The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
DAVE BARRY
A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer
DAVE BARRY
It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mer...
DAVE BARRY
Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the p...
DAVE BARRY
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they...
DAVE BARRY
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
DAVE BARRY
The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withst...
DAVE BARRY
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
DAVE BARRY
The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas...
DAVE BARRY
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y...
DAVE BARRY
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that h...
DAVE BARRY
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving infant's life, she will choose to sa...
DAVE BARRY
And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to ta...
DAVE BARRY
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious pe...
DAVE BARRY
Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
DAVE BARRY
New York Taxi Rules:1. Driver speaks no English.2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace ...
DAVE BARRY
Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organiza...
DAVE BARRY
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won...
DAVE BARRY
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
DAVE BARRY
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
DAVE BARRY
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
DAVE BARRY
I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Futu...
DAVE BARRY
One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a compute...
DAVE BARRY
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with th...
DAVE BARRY
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see wit...
DAVE BARRY
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but ...
DAVE BARRY
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, usi...
DAVE BARRY
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this i...
DAVE BARRY
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
DAVE BARRY
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, includi...
DAVE BARRY
Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television witho...
DAVE BARRY
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
DAVE BARRY
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who re...
DAVE BARRY
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
DAVE BARRY
Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by...
DAVE BARRY
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
DAVE BARRY
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his ...
DAVE BARRY
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
DAVE BARRY
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
DAVE BARRY
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a goo...
DAVE BARRY
Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while ...
DAVE BARRY
I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news p...
DAVE BARRY
There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you...
DAVE BARRY
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
DAVE BARRY
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be att...
DAVE BARRY
I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
DAVE BARRY
Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
DAVE BARRY
If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
DAVE BARRY
We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just abo...
DAVE BARRY
Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
DAVE BARRY
I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven...
DAVE BARRY
Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no n...
DAVE BARRY
If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answ...
DAVE BARRY
A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to est...
DAVE BARRY
As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
DAVE BARRY
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background...
DAVE BARRY
If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - yo...
DAVE BARRY
Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is read...
DAVE BARRY
Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, D...
DAVE BARRY
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the...
DAVE BARRY
What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such ...
DAVE BARRY
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since th...
DAVE BARRY
While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Int...
DAVE BARRY
And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead by using their MacInto...
DAVE BARRY
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to...
DAVE BARRY
All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for b...
DAVE BARRY
Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting techniq...
DAVE BARRY
The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed...
DAVE BARRY
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in Janu...
DAVE BARRY
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and att...
DAVE BARRY
Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always...
DAVE BARRY
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
DAVE BARRY
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y...
DAVE BARRY
I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if pe...
DAVE BARRY
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at...
DAVE BARRY
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybo...
DAVE BARRY
Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions...
DAVE BARRY
Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ev...
DAVE BARRY
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a c...
DAVE BARRY
For many years the National Pretend Speed Limit was fifty-five miles per hour (metric equivalent: 37...
DAVE BARRY
All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of fallin...
DAVE BARRY
Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the b...
DAVE BARRY
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. (This is also true of relig...
DAVE BARRY
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have...
DAVE BARRY
The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
DAVE BARRY
I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't ca...
DAVE BARRY
I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software inco...
DAVE BARRY
Childbirth, as a strictly physical phenomenon, is comparable to driving a United Parcel truck throug...
DAVE BARRY
If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and f...
DAVE BARRY
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as bei...
DAVE BARRY
More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumers...
DAVE BARRY
USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean 'idiot.'
DAVE BARRY
UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 ton...
DAVE BARRY
The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Den...
DAVE BARRY
'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.
DAVE BARRY
''Varlet and the Squeaking Codpieces'' would be an excellent name for a rock band.
DAVE BARRY
Grammatically, should of is a predatory admonition; as such, it is always used as part of a herpetol...
DAVE BARRY
It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This...
DAVE BARRY
I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person...
DAVE BARRY
The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withsta...
DAVE BARRY
Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark
DAVE BARRY
What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a...
DAVE BARRY
When Thomas Paine showed Benjamin Franklin the manuscript of The Age of Reason, Franklin advised him...
DAVE BARRY
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty...
DAVE BARRY
All good things must come to an end, but all bad things can continue forever.
DAVE BARRY
We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days s...
DAVE BARRY
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
DAVE BARRY
And Ted Koppel comes walking down the aisle. We'd met a few times, so we said hello.
DAVE BARRY
Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT."
DAVE BARRY
There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.
DAVE BARRY
1996 also saw a huge expansion of the Internet, with many major corporations, afraid of being left b...
DAVE BARRY
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on you...
DAVE BARRY
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went...
DAVE BARRY
Sir,” James asked, “what are we going to do?”
“We’re going to look for water,” said...
DAVE BARRY
Seriously? You won’t help me?”
“Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.
DAVE BARRY
If Black Stache laughed, you laughed. If he snarled, you snarled. If he breathed in your direction, ...
DAVE BARRY
If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, ...
DAVE BARRY
Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably...
DAVE BARRY
If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you wo...
DAVE BARRY
It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This...
DAVE BARRY
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religi...
DAVE BARRY
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
DAVE BARRY
Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
DAVE BARRY
I gotta tell you, ... It's pretty crazy when you think about taking whatever's on the other end of t...
DAVE BARRY
It was by far just a one-girl show. She led every offensive and defensive category for Bishop Kearne...
DAVE BARRY
one of South Florida's most vital natural resources, a relentlessly sane voice in a howling hurrican...
DAVE BARRY
drink beer. But that's kind of my goal pretty much wherever I go.
DAVE BARRY
I'm very pleased that we made the top four. But I feel that we could have had a stronger showing.
DAVE BARRY
I've been asked to make an announcement, ... There is a non-luxury car in the parking lot. We've bee...
DAVE BARRY
The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization.
DAVE BARRY
We've actually gotten better musically over the years, ... But we've come to realize that we will ne...
DAVE BARRY
Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
DAVE BARRY
Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art...
DAVE BARRY
I find myself having these conversations where I go...“You know, the guy, in that place. The guy i...
DAVE BARRY
Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge - the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones...
DAVE BARRY
Ridley is a tea drinker.
DAVE BARRY
It's a concept I've often thought of.
DAVE BARRY
You get people from all walks of life here -- who work in domestic service.
DAVE BARRY
I believe that's one of the finest action regurgitation scenes in the history of literature, ... I'd...
DAVE BARRY
We became pretty sensitive about it. We visited Great Ormond Street Hospital when we were in England...
DAVE BARRY
What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge ham...
DAVE BARRY
I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
DAVE BARRY
Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuc...
DAVE BARRY
Because of the level of my chess game, I was able - even against a weak opponent, such as my younger...
DAVE BARRY
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
DAVE BARRY
The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable ent...
DAVE BARRY
Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant d...
DAVE BARRY
I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks sh...
DAVE BARRY
Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look...
DAVE BARRY
There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his ...
DAVE BARRY
The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winte...
DAVE BARRY